The Final Tally
A Shakespearan Sonnet for the Sonnet Contest34 total reviews
Comment from john mallahan
"In the circle, the circle of life" Can you hear the chant? Can you hear, the blazing of Afro American culture, or maybe, just even those down in the continent. We are blazing, we are dismissed. It is...
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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"In the circle, the circle of life" Can you hear the chant? Can you hear, the blazing of Afro American culture, or maybe, just even those down in the continent. We are blazing, we are dismissed. It is...
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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What does this have to do with reviewing my sonnet?
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got to do with how I felt--isn't that the way?
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The other thing is I am so amazed how people take this venue so seriously. Only hope to somehow bypass all the structures
Comment from dragonpoet
This sonnet tells of the hardships of life from birth to death. It uses some strong metaphors. I like the font. The rhyming couplet is a good summing up of the poem and so true.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Joan
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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This sonnet tells of the hardships of life from birth to death. It uses some strong metaphors. I like the font. The rhyming couplet is a good summing up of the poem and so true.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Joan
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
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Thank you for these lovely comments.
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No problem.
Joan
Comment from judiverse
Beautifully done, and great entry for the sonnet contest. Your sonnet form is excellent. Excellent metaphor of life being a ballet and all we can do is dance our best. So true we do not choose the life we're born into and events may influence our outlook on life. You might check out some of the lines in the first stanza. I thought "is" might be a better choice than "in" in your first line, for example. judi
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Beautifully done, and great entry for the sonnet contest. Your sonnet form is excellent. Excellent metaphor of life being a ballet and all we can do is dance our best. So true we do not choose the life we're born into and events may influence our outlook on life. You might check out some of the lines in the first stanza. I thought "is" might be a better choice than "in" in your first line, for example. judi
Comment Written 20-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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That would change the meaning. I meant when it's said life's not fair, it proves to be true sometimes. Thanks for watching out for me, and for the lovely review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did an excellent job, Yvonne, with your sonnet contest entry. I enjoyed reading it. Great job with the style of the sonnet. You lines flow smoothly with great rhymes. I like the font, the picture, and the message. I really like 'Nature's ballet.' Your message is strong and clear in your sonnet. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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You did an excellent job, Yvonne, with your sonnet contest entry. I enjoyed reading it. Great job with the style of the sonnet. You lines flow smoothly with great rhymes. I like the font, the picture, and the message. I really like 'Nature's ballet.' Your message is strong and clear in your sonnet. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thank you for this wonderful review. I always value your comments.
Comment from Pantygynt
This is pretty sound stuff both as far as metre and rhyme scheme are concerned. If it were my entry for a contest I would look again at the final line. It is technically correct but when I read it I keep putting all the emphasis on the word 'tally' rather than on the final word of the line, which is what I feel the sonnet deserves. Perhaps 'played' and 'laid' need to change places. That would mean some other changes would need to be made. But 'played' is ongoing and there is a finality to 'laid'.
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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This is pretty sound stuff both as far as metre and rhyme scheme are concerned. If it were my entry for a contest I would look again at the final line. It is technically correct but when I read it I keep putting all the emphasis on the word 'tally' rather than on the final word of the line, which is what I feel the sonnet deserves. Perhaps 'played' and 'laid' need to change places. That would mean some other changes would need to be made. But 'played' is ongoing and there is a finality to 'laid'.
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Thank you. I'll take a look.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Have always believed whatever may be your lot in life build something on it. There is no need to complain. Won't change anything anyway as far as how a person was born. Poem well constructed and expresses its theme spot on.
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Have always believed whatever may be your lot in life build something on it. There is no need to complain. Won't change anything anyway as far as how a person was born. Poem well constructed and expresses its theme spot on.
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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You're right that complaining won't help. Just step up and do it. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from l.raven
Hi Yvonne, I love your poem my sweet friend...it is sooooo very true...it's not whether were born rich or poor...it's what we make of our lives...there will be downfalls...that's just life...but you just have to push forward...my mother was raised in money...grandparents...but chose my to be with my stepfather...poor ol country boy...everyone said it would never last...63 years later...they were still together...a wonderful poem...and a perfect picture...very well written...love you...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Hi Yvonne, I love your poem my sweet friend...it is sooooo very true...it's not whether were born rich or poor...it's what we make of our lives...there will be downfalls...that's just life...but you just have to push forward...my mother was raised in money...grandparents...but chose my to be with my stepfather...poor ol country boy...everyone said it would never last...63 years later...they were still together...a wonderful poem...and a perfect picture...very well written...love you...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 15-May-2019
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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What a lovely story about your mother and stepfather. Money isn't everything. Thank you for this wonderful review, Linda. I always appreciate you so much.
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no it isn't...and you sweet girl are so very welcome...love you...xxoo
Comment from Willie P. Smith
Excellent, we all must strive to make the best of what has been given to us. Some try to make things better, and succeed. Some feel the world owes them a living and waits for it to pay up. Very well written and so true.
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Excellent, we all must strive to make the best of what has been given to us. Some try to make things better, and succeed. Some feel the world owes them a living and waits for it to pay up. Very well written and so true.
Comment Written 15-May-2019
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Thank you for your review and very nice comments.
Comment from Hitcher
I do like a good well written sonnet that dances the that classic duh-Duh-duh beat. Yours is such a sonnet friend and the message sings out loud and clear. Life is there to be enjoyed, the good and the bad, for both hold weight and help guide, mold, test and inspire us
A Very nice read, good luck!
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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I do like a good well written sonnet that dances the that classic duh-Duh-duh beat. Yours is such a sonnet friend and the message sings out loud and clear. Life is there to be enjoyed, the good and the bad, for both hold weight and help guide, mold, test and inspire us
A Very nice read, good luck!
Comment Written 15-May-2019
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Thank you for this great review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Superb sonnet with a great message. One thing you NEED to fix. The text size is huge, and because of that, each line wraps around to the next, making it unattractive and hard to read. Change to a size 18 or 20 font size... whatever will keep each line on its own line, without needing two lines.
See how much better this looks.
The life we're born to in no way our choice.
In saying 'life's not fair' may prove too true,
and seldom are the moments to rejoice
while we may see the world with slanted view.
What trials lie in wait to break our stride
and tumble us to craters of despair?
To watch my loved one 'til all hope has died
is more than any soul should have to bear.
But seasons come, in time they pass away,
and thus it is for mankind's life as well.
We're on the stage in Nature's own ballet,
and dance our best until the bell's last knell.
It doesn't matter what the hand that's laid
before us, but the tally when it's played.
Fix that, and you may well have the winner!
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Superb sonnet with a great message. One thing you NEED to fix. The text size is huge, and because of that, each line wraps around to the next, making it unattractive and hard to read. Change to a size 18 or 20 font size... whatever will keep each line on its own line, without needing two lines.
See how much better this looks.
The life we're born to in no way our choice.
In saying 'life's not fair' may prove too true,
and seldom are the moments to rejoice
while we may see the world with slanted view.
What trials lie in wait to break our stride
and tumble us to craters of despair?
To watch my loved one 'til all hope has died
is more than any soul should have to bear.
But seasons come, in time they pass away,
and thus it is for mankind's life as well.
We're on the stage in Nature's own ballet,
and dance our best until the bell's last knell.
It doesn't matter what the hand that's laid
before us, but the tally when it's played.
Fix that, and you may well have the winner!
Comment Written 14-May-2019
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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That's the way it appears on my computer. Often, someone is reading it from a smaller screen and that distorts the lines, but I may try it smaller. Watch someone complain because it's too small. hahahahaha
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Here's a screenshot. I've never seen any other post by anyone with such huge text, so the problem must be at your end.
If you want it to look nice and have a chance in the contest, CHANGE the size to 20. I use that for all my posts, and it's easy enough to read. I'm nagging you about this because I want you to win the contest. Your poem is outstanding. Please don't ruin your chances by making it hard to read. :)