Sheldon and Shelly
Just your garden variety love story.15 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Awww! What a precious love story, my friend, full of gorgeous mental images, alliteration and wonderful rhyme to charm. But the sweetest of all, for me, is that you managed to make this love story fit the protagonists too -- how very clever! "So Sheldon, a gentleman oozing with charm..." I don't think I will ever look at snails in their shell quite the same! (LOL)
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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Awww! What a precious love story, my friend, full of gorgeous mental images, alliteration and wonderful rhyme to charm. But the sweetest of all, for me, is that you managed to make this love story fit the protagonists too -- how very clever! "So Sheldon, a gentleman oozing with charm..." I don't think I will ever look at snails in their shell quite the same! (LOL)
Comment Written 05-May-2019
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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Thank you for the glowing review, my dear. A friend sent the photo and challenged me to write a poem about it. I just tried to do what the photographer did, make them cute. I think I'll still give them a toss out of the garden though. Nice to see your name in my review box. - Wendy
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You're most welcome. Nice to see you back!
Comment from JudyE
I'm not a 'real' poet but those I like the best have rhythm and rhyme, both of which I found in your sweet verses.
In the line:
Yes, she preferred fungus, he damp mossy greens- it should be 'the damp....
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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I'm not a 'real' poet but those I like the best have rhythm and rhyme, both of which I found in your sweet verses.
In the line:
Yes, she preferred fungus, he damp mossy greens- it should be 'the damp....
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 03-May-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Thank you for the two-fer, Judy. I had fun with this. If you browse my portfolio, you will find that free verse and prose are seldom tackled. I am quite fond of the puzzle that rhyme and rhythm add to the crafting and find my happy place there. I see where you were going with adding a T to he damp mossy greens, but I was contrasting their food preferences- she fungus, he mossy greens. It works your way too. Thanks again for the reviews. - Wendy
Comment from strandregs
slid out Shelly's branch, where he offered his arm. - something wonky with this line I think.
above the slow stream the two sat and they spoke - I think the word they spoils the rhythm.
While Sheldon ate well in from the streambed below, - the word in seems lost.
I love your descriptive language , with oozing, trail, speckled.
The rhyme and meter are great.
I don't know what baby breath is.
Sorry to be a pain . :-))Z.
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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slid out Shelly's branch, where he offered his arm. - something wonky with this line I think.
above the slow stream the two sat and they spoke - I think the word they spoils the rhythm.
While Sheldon ate well in from the streambed below, - the word in seems lost.
I love your descriptive language , with oozing, trail, speckled.
The rhyme and meter are great.
I don't know what baby breath is.
Sorry to be a pain . :-))Z.
Comment Written 03-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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thanks for taking a peek my friend. I appreciate your catch of the in from. I was having trouble deciding which to use and ended up inadvertently leaving both in the cut and past version I moved over. Baby's breath is that white filler you see in many flower arrangements. Mostly pale sticks with tiny white flowers on the tips. - Wendy
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a cute love poem using snails as metaphor for humans. It shows opposites attract and that those in love will do almost anything to be together.
Good luck in the contest and keep writing
dreagonpoet
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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This is a cute love poem using snails as metaphor for humans. It shows opposites attract and that those in love will do almost anything to be together.
Good luck in the contest and keep writing
dreagonpoet
Comment Written 03-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Thanks, Joan, for taking the time to review my words. - Wendy
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You're welcome, Wendy.
Joan
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I love this, Wendy. What a wonderful Story in a Poem.
The pentameter is so well done- it is as smooth as a snails footprint. The words just slide off the tongue. Love the content and the picture with the cool umbrella. This is a six in my opinion. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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I love this, Wendy. What a wonderful Story in a Poem.
The pentameter is so well done- it is as smooth as a snails footprint. The words just slide off the tongue. Love the content and the picture with the cool umbrella. This is a six in my opinion. Nancy:)
Comment Written 03-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Thank you so much Nancy. You know how much I value your opinion. A friend sent me the photo with a challenge to write a poem or story about it. Got my muse revved. - Wendy
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You did yourself proud. That is a cute picture . xx
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written fun story poem about the garden snails that enjoy a romantic evening, it took them the whole day to reach the meeting point, so it will be only romance till the sun rises again.
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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A very well-written fun story poem about the garden snails that enjoy a romantic evening, it took them the whole day to reach the meeting point, so it will be only romance till the sun rises again.
Comment Written 03-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Thanks for taking the time to review, Sandra. - Wendy
Comment from Irish Rain
The best I've read .
I wish I had six stars for you.
WONDERFUL story, told so
enchantingly.
In the last paragraph, 1st sentence...
if you took out the word 'in' it
would flow better.
Same paragraph, 6th sentence...
'Two snails sharing the most romantic of scenes.'...
flows better, and you can use it if you
like.
I hope you win, this is GREAT!
Blessings...
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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The best I've read .
I wish I had six stars for you.
WONDERFUL story, told so
enchantingly.
In the last paragraph, 1st sentence...
if you took out the word 'in' it
would flow better.
Same paragraph, 6th sentence...
'Two snails sharing the most romantic of scenes.'...
flows better, and you can use it if you
like.
I hope you win, this is GREAT!
Blessings...
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Blessings back and thanks for the kind review and wish for success. I will take a peek at the rhythm you mentioned. - Wendy
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I think it's an AWESOME entry!
Comment from BeasPeas
Great job. I'm not a fan of snails in the garden, but I'm a fan of Sheldon and Shelly. Your poem is a sweet love story with image appropriate for your theme. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Great job. I'm not a fan of snails in the garden, but I'm a fan of Sheldon and Shelly. Your poem is a sweet love story with image appropriate for your theme. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Thanks Marilyn, I am not a fan either but when a friend sends a photo and a challenge . . . - Wendy
Comment from shaffer40
Who would ever think to write a love poem about snails? It's so charming and clever -- great descriptions. I like the fog swirling and fading like thin, liquid smoke; a parasol speckled with dew -- I could go on and repeat the whole thing. Well done.
P.S. I like your muse, too.
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Who would ever think to write a love poem about snails? It's so charming and clever -- great descriptions. I like the fog swirling and fading like thin, liquid smoke; a parasol speckled with dew -- I could go on and repeat the whole thing. Well done.
P.S. I like your muse, too.
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Thanks ever so for the kind words and letting me know what in particular caught your fancy. Much appreciated. - Wendy
Comment from JanPerry
Many descriptions of snails, a surprise for me. Ive never seen snails or garden critters fall in love. A romantic gesture on your part.
"stream bed" would be two words Im sure.
You have gone to the trouble of explaining their individual personality, their likes and dislike. I wish writers would do this with people, to get an insight into the people who fall in love. Very well done, love your descriptions too.
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Many descriptions of snails, a surprise for me. Ive never seen snails or garden critters fall in love. A romantic gesture on your part.
"stream bed" would be two words Im sure.
You have gone to the trouble of explaining their individual personality, their likes and dislike. I wish writers would do this with people, to get an insight into the people who fall in love. Very well done, love your descriptions too.
Comment Written 02-May-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Thank you, Jan, for spending time with my words. I am so glad you thought it worthy of a sixth. I did look up streambed vs stream bed and both are considered acceptable. I left it as one word to confound the spell check app. ; ) - Wendy