In the Darkness
Trapped in the darkness by demons of the night.5 total reviews
Comment from oliver818
This is a great and very creepy story. I like the imagery you used. The demons are very life-like. I think you could make this into a longer piece, maybe with dream scenes. Best of luck with the competition.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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This is a great and very creepy story. I like the imagery you used. The demons are very life-like. I think you could make this into a longer piece, maybe with dream scenes. Best of luck with the competition.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thank you Oliver. I'm glad you liked it. I'll keep in mind your suggestion. Sleep dreams. :)
Comment from WryWriter
A horror story indeed! Those pesky little sleep demons strike again. LOL! This great tale would definitely keep some up at night. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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A horror story indeed! Those pesky little sleep demons strike again. LOL! This great tale would definitely keep some up at night. Great job!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you WryWriter. It's good to keep the children up! :)
Comment from Beri Bee
Ah! The things that scare me in the dark! I like how you named the three terrors/demons with who they are/what they do. It makes it extra scary to imagine the details. You certainly can plant seeds of fear (just like the dark itself)! Great job! A very nice contest entry! Best of luck!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Ah! The things that scare me in the dark! I like how you named the three terrors/demons with who they are/what they do. It makes it extra scary to imagine the details. You certainly can plant seeds of fear (just like the dark itself)! Great job! A very nice contest entry! Best of luck!
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you, BeriBee. It makes my night. :)
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You are most welcome!
Comment from giraffmang
I liked this piece. It's not very often one comes across a piece written in second person narrative these days. It used to be the preserve of old computer games and 'build-your-own-adventure' books.
demonic wraiths await those that sleep.- perhaps use who rather than that for people.
You turn off the lights and darkness enshroud the room. - enshrouds.
you try the other it is the same. - perhaps a comma after other.
Terror start to take hold as you hear an insane laugh. - starts.
You feel knifes slowing slicing your body - knives.
Nice sense of fear and trepidation
Best of luck
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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I liked this piece. It's not very often one comes across a piece written in second person narrative these days. It used to be the preserve of old computer games and 'build-your-own-adventure' books.
demonic wraiths await those that sleep.- perhaps use who rather than that for people.
You turn off the lights and darkness enshroud the room. - enshrouds.
you try the other it is the same. - perhaps a comma after other.
Terror start to take hold as you hear an insane laugh. - starts.
You feel knifes slowing slicing your body - knives.
Nice sense of fear and trepidation
Best of luck
GMG
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Thank you for reading and pointing out my mistakes. I'm glad you liked it. Like I said I wrote it right there and then. :) It still has a couple more that I shall correct. Thank you once again.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like a terrifying experience and at first I thought you meant tinnitus in the ears because I get that whistling sound on occasions and it drives me bonkers, but this is something much more sinister, a chilling write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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This sounds like a terrifying experience and at first I thought you meant tinnitus in the ears because I get that whistling sound on occasions and it drives me bonkers, but this is something much more sinister, a chilling write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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I got tinnitus also, Dolly. Mine was always crickets playing their song, but last year I when for a hearing exam and the lady almost blew my ears off. Technical problems. Now I got a buzzing noise on my right ear that drive me crazy. I'll check on that whistling. :)
