GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "The final Chapter"A child is born who will be a champion
12 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
Although I haven't followed your story all the way, I've enjoyed what I have read.
I have a few suggestions and some spags.
as if he understood Joshua words of praise. - Joshua's words of praise
The women who wish to go to the fortress would be taken there - should be 'who wished'
You need not go with us. Go home to your families, they must be anxious to see you," Eric told them. - period after 'families'
"We will stay, we want to honor Goran," - period after 'stay'
When the three hour ceremony ended - maybe hyphenate 'three-hour'
Nyla came to live in Wahaland with Joshua, until she married a widower of her own age. He had grown children and many grandchildren which brought her great joy along with Joshua's. - should be 'who brought her...'
Valdig, the grandfather of Augdon and great grandfather to Joshua. The one who saw visions, died a year after the great battle. - replace period after 'Joshua' with comma
Two more battles were fought with Joshua as captian - spelling - captain
He proceded Lyse in death - should be 'preceded'
Dyster and Riddare lived in the woods, beside Joshua's house, for the rest of their lives. Riddare healed from his burns, but the hair on his side never grew back. He was a vigilant watchman over Joshua's children - 'watchman' suggests a human. Maybe 'guardian' would be better.
The man put the ax down, seeing the tiny child. - this might be better as 'Seeing the tiny child, the man put down the ax.'
His army was painted blue and they had flying beast that spat fire. - 'beast' should be plural - beasts
but what we have, you are welcome too." - 'you are welcome to'
Hamish smiled, grateful his half truth had won over the leader of this group of rag tag men and women. - ragtag is, I think, one word
Cheers. Judy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
   |
Although I haven't followed your story all the way, I've enjoyed what I have read.
I have a few suggestions and some spags.
as if he understood Joshua words of praise. - Joshua's words of praise
The women who wish to go to the fortress would be taken there - should be 'who wished'
You need not go with us. Go home to your families, they must be anxious to see you," Eric told them. - period after 'families'
"We will stay, we want to honor Goran," - period after 'stay'
When the three hour ceremony ended - maybe hyphenate 'three-hour'
Nyla came to live in Wahaland with Joshua, until she married a widower of her own age. He had grown children and many grandchildren which brought her great joy along with Joshua's. - should be 'who brought her...'
Valdig, the grandfather of Augdon and great grandfather to Joshua. The one who saw visions, died a year after the great battle. - replace period after 'Joshua' with comma
Two more battles were fought with Joshua as captian - spelling - captain
He proceded Lyse in death - should be 'preceded'
Dyster and Riddare lived in the woods, beside Joshua's house, for the rest of their lives. Riddare healed from his burns, but the hair on his side never grew back. He was a vigilant watchman over Joshua's children - 'watchman' suggests a human. Maybe 'guardian' would be better.
The man put the ax down, seeing the tiny child. - this might be better as 'Seeing the tiny child, the man put down the ax.'
His army was painted blue and they had flying beast that spat fire. - 'beast' should be plural - beasts
but what we have, you are welcome too." - 'you are welcome to'
Hamish smiled, grateful his half truth had won over the leader of this group of rag tag men and women. - ragtag is, I think, one word
Cheers. Judy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
It's over, Yeah!! Wish I could get better with my errors, but looks like it's not happening. I do plan another book, completely different, so you may want to unfan me. =] Thanks for all the helps and hanging in there. Rox
Comment from Treischel
Very dramatic as they held eye contact until Lucas died.
I like how you convey that scent plays a role in the action.
The beast's fire was choked off as he struggles (struggled?) to breath.
Dyster moved his head up and down as if you (he?) understood Joshua
He proceeded (preceded?) Lyse in death by only three months.
the Post-battle action was very realistic. A good conclusion for Jarle.With Hamish, you left a seed to grow into another story some time. This is and excellent story. It would make a wonderful Movie. Even with its minor mistakes, it is overall worth a 6.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
 |
Very dramatic as they held eye contact until Lucas died.
I like how you convey that scent plays a role in the action.
The beast's fire was choked off as he struggles (struggled?) to breath.
Dyster moved his head up and down as if you (he?) understood Joshua
He proceeded (preceded?) Lyse in death by only three months.
the Post-battle action was very realistic. A good conclusion for Jarle.With Hamish, you left a seed to grow into another story some time. This is and excellent story. It would make a wonderful Movie. Even with its minor mistakes, it is overall worth a 6.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thanks so much, and for the extra star too, =} Rox
Comment from Randa Dayle
I didn't get the other chapters..but I think that this is a good ending. Nice job on the characters, and lots of detail. May you continue sharing your talents with us!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
I didn't get the other chapters..but I think that this is a good ending. Nice job on the characters, and lots of detail. May you continue sharing your talents with us!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thank you so much.
Comment from royowen
I think you did a fine job with this story, but iit wouldn't hurt to make up other stories it sounds very Viking like, with similar values as the Viking legends, the codes are similar, perhaps not as fierce as the ancient Vikings, but still similar. Congratulations my friend, good scribing, blessing Rox, Roy
Typo : Swords ans axes as they (rooad) rode?
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
I think you did a fine job with this story, but iit wouldn't hurt to make up other stories it sounds very Viking like, with similar values as the Viking legends, the codes are similar, perhaps not as fierce as the ancient Vikings, but still similar. Congratulations my friend, good scribing, blessing Rox, Roy
Typo : Swords ans axes as they (rooad) rode?
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thanks Roy. It was kind of fun while it lasted. I make so many errors it rather takes the fun out of it. But it is a blind spot I have for some weird reason and I seem to get worse rather than better. =} Sorry. I do enjoy the writing, but it's rather horrifying when I see all my errors. Oh well, that's what editors are for. =} Thanks for hanging in there, rox
-
Just love your writing, editing is my way of helping, aglad to do it, love your writing Rox
-
Thank you, you are very encouraging. =}
-
Welcome Rox
Comment from Sally Law
Aw, this ended well. Life goes on and hope is restored for Hamish and Lydia. It is always good to see righteousness win and evil defeated, at least for the moment. You can breathe a sigh of relief now, Rox. Well done.
All my best,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
Aw, this ended well. Life goes on and hope is restored for Hamish and Lydia. It is always good to see righteousness win and evil defeated, at least for the moment. You can breathe a sigh of relief now, Rox. Well done.
All my best,
Sal xo
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Yes, quite happy it 's done, though I do enjoy the writing. I just feel sorry for the reviewing having to find all my errors. =} Wish I could have paid you all more. Thanks so much dear. Rox
Comment from Tina Crute
First, congratulations on finishing! This was action-packed and quick-moving. I almost felt like I was watching a movie. I could see it happening in my head! Well written and engaging!!
In paragraph/section of text numbers 14 and 15 there are a couple typos...road and rode are spelled like their homonym. Ex...they road off...
In paragraph 20, what us mead? I am just curious, as I have not read the entire book. I'm sure I probably missed some terms.
This was a fun diversion to my housework today, so thank you!
Tina
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
First, congratulations on finishing! This was action-packed and quick-moving. I almost felt like I was watching a movie. I could see it happening in my head! Well written and engaging!!
In paragraph/section of text numbers 14 and 15 there are a couple typos...road and rode are spelled like their homonym. Ex...they road off...
In paragraph 20, what us mead? I am just curious, as I have not read the entire book. I'm sure I probably missed some terms.
This was a fun diversion to my housework today, so thank you!
Tina
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Yes I always have many errors. Mead is like beer. They call it that back in the day and you can still get it today. Thanks so much for reading and the generous review. Rox
-
Ok gotcha!
You're welcome:)
Comment from nancy_e_davis
It's a good book and I hope you get it published with much success. It is an amazing adventure that could break the monotony of all the space stories that are popular now. Well done! Here's a big six which I wish I could give each and every chapter. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
It's a good book and I hope you get it published with much success. It is an amazing adventure that could break the monotony of all the space stories that are popular now. Well done! Here's a big six which I wish I could give each and every chapter. Nancy:)
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Writing has its fads too I guess. I got so sick of the Vampire stories. How much blood can you suck, I mean really. =} Thanks so much Nancy, you are very encouraging. I enjoy the writing but am always horrified by my errors. ={ Oh well, that's what editors are for. =} Thanks again.
Comment from Michele Harber
Excellent job, Rox. You made the chapter exciting, with the final battle, and heartwarming, with so many characters staying to honor their fallen heroes. You did a beautiful job of concluding each character's (be it man or beast) story, giving both the characters and the readers closure. The one thing I must point out, though, is that the story needs a thorough proofing, as I did encounter many errors.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
Excellent job, Rox. You made the chapter exciting, with the final battle, and heartwarming, with so many characters staying to honor their fallen heroes. You did a beautiful job of concluding each character's (be it man or beast) story, giving both the characters and the readers closure. The one thing I must point out, though, is that the story needs a thorough proofing, as I did encounter many errors.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Yes I always have many errors, much to my horror. Wouldn't believe how many times I proof, but I just don't see them. I even put it thru a spelling and grammar program, to no avail. Oh well that's what editors are for. =} But I do apologize to my reviews. Thanks so much dear. Rox
-
If you ever publish, proofreading is my specialty. I'd be happy to work with you. Meanwhile, your strong points are most definitely creating story and character, and you do both very well!
-
Thanks so much. Yes, I can tell a story I just can't spell it right. =} Thank you for the offer, I may take you up on it. Rox
-
You're welcome. Believe me, Rox, you're the rule, not the exception. Until last year, I'd worked for 27 years at a public relations firm, PR being known as a "communications" business. These people couldn't communicate to save their lives! Their grammar and spelling were so atrocious that I actually taught a course there on tricks to avoid common grammatical errors. This definitely included spelling, particularly their regularly misspelling homonyms like "there/their/they're" and "you're/your," and mixing up "then" and "than." These are people trying to sell their communication skills to clients. As I said, you are definitely not alone in your spelling issues.
Comment from beizanten
A very interesting suspense and interiguing first paragraph that make people want to read more. You fine description of the situation and how your characters react and feel easily bring the story into life.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
A very interesting suspense and interiguing first paragraph that make people want to read more. You fine description of the situation and how your characters react and feel easily bring the story into life.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
Thanks so much. Rox
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Congrats Roxanna,
What a great effort -you persisted and produced a fine book.
What? No sequel. Lol.
I would love to give you a six but sadly I have none so a virtual six
will will have to suffice.
******
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
|
Congrats Roxanna,
What a great effort -you persisted and produced a fine book.
What? No sequel. Lol.
I would love to give you a six but sadly I have none so a virtual six
will will have to suffice.
******
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
-
No sequel. This on took to much out of me. =} Thanks so much Shirley.