GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "The Final Battle"A child is born who will be a champion
9 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
I happen to like the chapter. It is full of action and tension. Your battle scenes are realistic. I did not see any problems with your writing. Have a great evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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I happen to like the chapter. It is full of action and tension. Your battle scenes are realistic. I did not see any problems with your writing. Have a great evening. Shirley
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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Thanks so much Shriley, just one more chapter. =} Rox
Comment from royowen
The battle continues and Lucas seems as though he's almost indestructible. I love the way you've described these scenes Rox, they are superb, I really enjoy them my friend, Perhaps this time Lucas will be vanquished. Well done, blessings, Roy Typo : The horse(s) panicked...2: I would spy on Wahaland and see you spar(r)ing with...
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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The battle continues and Lucas seems as though he's almost indestructible. I love the way you've described these scenes Rox, they are superb, I really enjoy them my friend, Perhaps this time Lucas will be vanquished. Well done, blessings, Roy Typo : The horse(s) panicked...2: I would spy on Wahaland and see you spar(r)ing with...
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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Thank you Roy. Just one more chapter. =}
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well done
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a bloody battle being fought mostly by the dragons so far but at the end of the chapter Joshua and Lucas are both on Dyster and will be fighting one another. Lucas wants to kill Joshua in the worst way but I doubt that will happen. Wright on! Nancy:)
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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This is a bloody battle being fought mostly by the dragons so far but at the end of the chapter Joshua and Lucas are both on Dyster and will be fighting one another. Lucas wants to kill Joshua in the worst way but I doubt that will happen. Wright on! Nancy:)
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks so much Nancy.
Comment from Treischel
I like how you provide Joshua's thoughts and concerns.
The imagery of the behemouth burning a wet snowy forest that doesn't catch well is very good.
The eye contact is a very nice touch between Joshua and Lucas.
I smiled at the interchange between Lyse and Joshua.
Excellent details of the battle. A very exciting action chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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I like how you provide Joshua's thoughts and concerns.
The imagery of the behemouth burning a wet snowy forest that doesn't catch well is very good.
The eye contact is a very nice touch between Joshua and Lucas.
I smiled at the interchange between Lyse and Joshua.
Excellent details of the battle. A very exciting action chapter.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much. Rox
Comment from robyn corum
Roxie, (4)
I think I may have told you I don't read much fantasy - I just can't wrap my head around all that other-world stuff. I'm too much of a realist, I guess. But, that said, this was understandable, even for me, for the most part - *smile* - and I can see how others would enjoy it.
I did see a few places that need extra attention and made some notes for you:
1.) He flew high above the woods, and fire (shot) from his mouth,
2.) His attention was drawn away (from) Lucas as dragons
3.) The dragons line(d) up on either side of him
4.) She screamed and he landed beside her and lick(ed) her wounds.
5.) setting the growth ablaze. Ridd(are) ran toward the woods,
6.) loading the pockets in his throat with the need(ed) chemicals
7.) She smiled. "Why are we surprised he can do this thing(?)
8.) Both his parents breath(e) fire, of course he has the flame
9.) The beast scream(ed) and turned aside.
10.) spy on Wahaland and see you spar(r)ing with your cousins and
Hope this helps. Let me know if you edit! Thanks!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Roxie, (4)
I think I may have told you I don't read much fantasy - I just can't wrap my head around all that other-world stuff. I'm too much of a realist, I guess. But, that said, this was understandable, even for me, for the most part - *smile* - and I can see how others would enjoy it.
I did see a few places that need extra attention and made some notes for you:
1.) He flew high above the woods, and fire (shot) from his mouth,
2.) His attention was drawn away (from) Lucas as dragons
3.) The dragons line(d) up on either side of him
4.) She screamed and he landed beside her and lick(ed) her wounds.
5.) setting the growth ablaze. Ridd(are) ran toward the woods,
6.) loading the pockets in his throat with the need(ed) chemicals
7.) She smiled. "Why are we surprised he can do this thing(?)
8.) Both his parents breath(e) fire, of course he has the flame
9.) The beast scream(ed) and turned aside.
10.) spy on Wahaland and see you spar(r)ing with your cousins and
Hope this helps. Let me know if you edit! Thanks!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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It's not for everyone I know. But thank you for reading and the helps.
Comment from Sally Law
Well done, Rox! I hear the same words in my head, "Do not be afraid." What a coincidence! I enjoyed this action packed installment. It was one fiery event after another! I would break it up with a little more dialogue. It would make it sound more real, drawing your readers in. That is really my only suggestion here today. It is always good to see you writing.
All my best,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Well done, Rox! I hear the same words in my head, "Do not be afraid." What a coincidence! I enjoyed this action packed installment. It was one fiery event after another! I would break it up with a little more dialogue. It would make it sound more real, drawing your readers in. That is really my only suggestion here today. It is always good to see you writing.
All my best,
Sal xo
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks so much. One of my favorite verses is Fear Not for I am with you. I'm such a chicken, I need to know that one. =} Thanks so much for the read and review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It's a great chapter, now Lucas in on Dyster's back he thinks he can kill Joshua. No way is that going to happen. Nasty peice of work. I wasn't at all pleased to read poor Riddare got hurt, I hope he'll be alright. I really enjoyed this part, my friend, looking forward to the next one. Big hugs. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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It's a great chapter, now Lucas in on Dyster's back he thinks he can kill Joshua. No way is that going to happen. Nasty peice of work. I wasn't at all pleased to read poor Riddare got hurt, I hope he'll be alright. I really enjoyed this part, my friend, looking forward to the next one. Big hugs. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thank you dear. Rox
Comment from Hailey Savannah
It's great, you just need to work a little bit on the grammar. Other than that, no complaints whatsoever ð??? it has the action, the backstory, the emotion and so much potential. I wouldn't doubt it if this story became one of the very popular ones for readers across the world. Keep your words flowing and your imagination flying! Good luck.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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It's great, you just need to work a little bit on the grammar. Other than that, no complaints whatsoever ð??? it has the action, the backstory, the emotion and so much potential. I wouldn't doubt it if this story became one of the very popular ones for readers across the world. Keep your words flowing and your imagination flying! Good luck.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Yes I see I made so bad boo boo. I never see my own so have to rely on the reviewer. Thank you so much for reading. Rox
Comment from JudyE
Another imaginative chapter and the fight is getting very real now.
I picked up a few points:
and fire shoot from his mouth, - fire shot from his mouth
His worry was unfounded as the heavy snow on the trees kept the fire at bay and it was soon out. The cold and wet extinguishing it quickly. - replace period with a comma.
Dyster showed no fear and turned to keep his eyes on his father, he made noises as if growling, and Joshua restrained him. - period after 'father'
His attention was drawn away form Lucas - away from
The dragons line up on either side of him, thirty strong and would fight despite his orders to stay hidden. - comma after 'strong'
She screamed and he landed beside her and lick her wounds. - licked her wounds
He threw back his head loading the pockets in his throat with the need chemicals - the needed chemicals
"Why are we surprised he can do this thing. - question mark after 'thing'
Lucas hung in midair, terrified, he wrapped his good arm around the dragon's leg so as not to fall. - period after 'terrified'
"I should have killed you long ago, when you were a child. I would spy on Wahaland and see you sparing with your cousins and uncles. - sparring with your cousins...
Cheers. Judy
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Another imaginative chapter and the fight is getting very real now.
I picked up a few points:
and fire shoot from his mouth, - fire shot from his mouth
His worry was unfounded as the heavy snow on the trees kept the fire at bay and it was soon out. The cold and wet extinguishing it quickly. - replace period with a comma.
Dyster showed no fear and turned to keep his eyes on his father, he made noises as if growling, and Joshua restrained him. - period after 'father'
His attention was drawn away form Lucas - away from
The dragons line up on either side of him, thirty strong and would fight despite his orders to stay hidden. - comma after 'strong'
She screamed and he landed beside her and lick her wounds. - licked her wounds
He threw back his head loading the pockets in his throat with the need chemicals - the needed chemicals
"Why are we surprised he can do this thing. - question mark after 'thing'
Lucas hung in midair, terrified, he wrapped his good arm around the dragon's leg so as not to fall. - period after 'terrified'
"I should have killed you long ago, when you were a child. I would spy on Wahaland and see you sparing with your cousins and uncles. - sparring with your cousins...
Cheers. Judy
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Yes many errors on this one. Oh well, I don't see them so that's what you are for. Thanks so much for hanging in there. Rox
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No problems. :)