A Fly on the Wall
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A Fly on the Wall"A journal musings and assessments about situations
31 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I've been missing your writing somehow. I often do not review poetry (I don't really know how to review it, I guess.) But I enjoyed this. I had to chuckle though. My family has camped my whole life, all the way from on the ground without a tent to in air conditioned RVs. But I would never call staying in a cabin camping.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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I've been missing your writing somehow. I often do not review poetry (I don't really know how to review it, I guess.) But I enjoyed this. I had to chuckle though. My family has camped my whole life, all the way from on the ground without a tent to in air conditioned RVs. But I would never call staying in a cabin camping.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Oh, Wayne, how very different you and I are!! For me, if you go to the Ritz Carlton, and they neglect to put a mint on your pillow after they've turned your bed down? You're camping.
Thanks for the nice review.
I don't think you've been missing my posts; I just haven't been too active. After the boogie board issue, I haven't exactly been feeling inspired to contribute. I'm more into reading and reviewing these days. xo
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Any idea how she's faring this year?
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Two, I believe.
Comment from GregoryCody
You have a Great story telling voice. Each character stands out but what makes it strong, imo, is the dialogue. Sounds real, adds depth. I also like the WAY you write, the choices of words. Poetic prose in a way.
I've done ten loads of laundry since Sunday, and I'm still not anywhere near done
The alliteration of S and D. Sounds good, hits the ear right ;)
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
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You have a Great story telling voice. Each character stands out but what makes it strong, imo, is the dialogue. Sounds real, adds depth. I also like the WAY you write, the choices of words. Poetic prose in a way.
I've done ten loads of laundry since Sunday, and I'm still not anywhere near done
The alliteration of S and D. Sounds good, hits the ear right ;)
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
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That evokes such a fun memory for me! Thanks for the terrific review.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is a great topic to address. You invite the reader to reflect on their experiences of sharing different perspectives than someone else. What's really interesting when two are relating what happened. The other shakes their head and says 'were we both at the same gathering?" It's especially obvious how one's perception can be colored with siblings reporting childhood or parents reminisces. It makes me think the very old educational short movie call Eye of the Beholder. It is clearly vintage but worth citing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYydIDlU2pc
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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This is a great topic to address. You invite the reader to reflect on their experiences of sharing different perspectives than someone else. What's really interesting when two are relating what happened. The other shakes their head and says 'were we both at the same gathering?" It's especially obvious how one's perception can be colored with siblings reporting childhood or parents reminisces. It makes me think the very old educational short movie call Eye of the Beholder. It is clearly vintage but worth citing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYydIDlU2pc
Comment Written 26-May-2019
reply by the author on 26-May-2019
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I'll have to check that out, Liz! Thanks for the reference. I'll be on vacation starting June 1, so I'm looking for new ways to entertain myself!
Thanks for the terrific review. xo
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Enjoy your vacation and be safe
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
It's why a policeman, fresh on a scene, says to witnesses, "Tell me what you saw," rather than, "What happened?" -- This is an astute observation. Thank you for highlighting this :)
"It was a reeeeally nice day out... -- spag? Either stick with quotation punctuation throughout, or omit it altogether.
You've capture your two character's voices. Excellently done. :)
reply by the author on 12-May-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
It's why a policeman, fresh on a scene, says to witnesses, "Tell me what you saw," rather than, "What happened?" -- This is an astute observation. Thank you for highlighting this :)
"It was a reeeeally nice day out... -- spag? Either stick with quotation punctuation throughout, or omit it altogether.
You've capture your two character's voices. Excellently done. :)
Comment Written 12-May-2019
reply by the author on 12-May-2019
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No; that's how this teenager talks. No spag. (except maybe to the adult ears...)
Thanks for your feedback, Alex. xo
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No, you misunderstood. The spag is the quotation punctuation.
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Oh, alright; thank you.
Comment from Tpa
This story is humorous. I enjoyed every single aspect of the text. I left this particular writing feeling like I would tell someone about it. The Author has paid particular attention to the language used and the words were chosen. Every single grammar issue has been resolved and there are no spelling mistakes. I would highly recommend this item to a friend.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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This story is humorous. I enjoyed every single aspect of the text. I left this particular writing feeling like I would tell someone about it. The Author has paid particular attention to the language used and the words were chosen. Every single grammar issue has been resolved and there are no spelling mistakes. I would highly recommend this item to a friend.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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What a really encouraging review this is, Tpa; I couldn't appreciate it more! Thank you. xo
Comment from rama devi
What an enlightening share. I love how you delivered the two perspectives with polar opposite POVS, and the the characterization is outstanding! Good examples in the prelude part. This is very well penned, with great pacing, well constructed sentences and no spags.
How wonderful to read your profile, dear. Teaching dance...what a calling! And now music! I am a musician too, and I still remember my piano teacher (from 8 to 14 years old) fondly. We're friends on Facebook even. A music teacher is a great mentor role too. Bless you with your work!
And your keen sense of music is also evident in your verbal flow...well paced. Bravo.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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What an enlightening share. I love how you delivered the two perspectives with polar opposite POVS, and the the characterization is outstanding! Good examples in the prelude part. This is very well penned, with great pacing, well constructed sentences and no spags.
How wonderful to read your profile, dear. Teaching dance...what a calling! And now music! I am a musician too, and I still remember my piano teacher (from 8 to 14 years old) fondly. We're friends on Facebook even. A music teacher is a great mentor role too. Bless you with your work!
And your keen sense of music is also evident in your verbal flow...well paced. Bravo.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 15-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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And your review is music to my ears as I read it silently, Rama. Thank you. Coming from you, my FS mentor, this is a compliment second to none. You have made my whole day with these words today. Thank you. xo
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Yipeeeeeeee!!!!!!! Hugs!
Comment from Sugarray77
Great job, Rachelle, on an funny (to me) story of a camping trip. I went on one that the temps dropped down low like that and it was not fun. No sleep whatsoever. It was fun to read the two stories in comparison. Well done on great descriptive phrases and logical flow to the story.
Melissa
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Great job, Rachelle, on an funny (to me) story of a camping trip. I went on one that the temps dropped down low like that and it was not fun. No sleep whatsoever. It was fun to read the two stories in comparison. Well done on great descriptive phrases and logical flow to the story.
Melissa
Comment Written 15-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thank you, Melissa. You're always so helpful when you give me these kinds of specifics, and I appreciate it very much. I also liked reading about your own camping experience. This was a terrific review. xo
Comment from judester
You have a great story telling skill that makes the reader feel that they are leaning into the conversation. I love the different versions of the same trip.
Like the kid is riding with his mom and she points to the house on the hill saying,
"0h this is my friend. Shirley's house. She is so fun and witty, she travels and acts, she is my great friend."
Then the kid is riding with his father and the father points to the same house and says,
"That's where that nut Shirley lives.
I promise to read some more of your wonderful stories. I love the little glimpses into someone else's life. Just read the one with the "fake" spider and your artistic removal. Cheers, j
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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You have a great story telling skill that makes the reader feel that they are leaning into the conversation. I love the different versions of the same trip.
Like the kid is riding with his mom and she points to the house on the hill saying,
"0h this is my friend. Shirley's house. She is so fun and witty, she travels and acts, she is my great friend."
Then the kid is riding with his father and the father points to the same house and says,
"That's where that nut Shirley lives.
I promise to read some more of your wonderful stories. I love the little glimpses into someone else's life. Just read the one with the "fake" spider and your artistic removal. Cheers, j
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Judester. I very much appreciate this funny and encouraging review. xo
Comment from JudyE
Your comments about perception are so true. The phrase 'one man's poison' comes to mind too. At least the Birthday Girl enjoyed her camping holiday.
I did wonder if 'gorge-and-waterfall infused town' should be 'gorge-and-waterfall-infused town' with an extra hyphen after 'waterfall'. I'm not sure if it should or not.
Thanks for an enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Your comments about perception are so true. The phrase 'one man's poison' comes to mind too. At least the Birthday Girl enjoyed her camping holiday.
I did wonder if 'gorge-and-waterfall infused town' should be 'gorge-and-waterfall-infused town' with an extra hyphen after 'waterfall'. I'm not sure if it should or not.
Thanks for an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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I think you're right about the additional hyphen, Judy. Thank you! I'll get right to that.
And thanks for the review and your feedback. Always appreciated. xo
Comment from tfawcus
Contrasting views and opinions are the bread and butter of writing. You have captured the wonder of the scenery through the young girl's eyes and set this against the practicalities that mar the trip for her parents. As you say, perceptions are everything.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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Contrasting views and opinions are the bread and butter of writing. You have captured the wonder of the scenery through the young girl's eyes and set this against the practicalities that mar the trip for her parents. As you say, perceptions are everything.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2019
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Thank you, tfawcus! I totally appreciate this review. It's both encouraging and helpful. xo
