Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Spring Metamorphosis"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
6 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Hi Aiona! This is really awesome! That you made an Acrostic Sonnet... that's just Wicked! (that's what they say in my neck of the woods when something's awesome! lol) As far as the sonnet goes, two of your lines only have 9 syllables... the 4th and 11th line.
As far as the Acrostic part goes, I do have one suggestion, kind of a pain in the ass I know, I've done it before myself... You need to bold, or make the first letter of each line stand out somehow so people can read, It Is A Frogs Life I know it isn't the way a sonnet is presented but you may want to look at what it might look like with spaces between the lines of those words. You may, or may not, want to go that way, as it is also a sonnet... there must be a comprimise. You may want to consider changing the title of the poem to reflect the Acrostic, It is a Frogs Life.
It is a truly awesome write though... the syllables can be added without any incident I'm sure. You did an amazing job with this, I wish I had a 6! :)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Hi Aiona! This is really awesome! That you made an Acrostic Sonnet... that's just Wicked! (that's what they say in my neck of the woods when something's awesome! lol) As far as the sonnet goes, two of your lines only have 9 syllables... the 4th and 11th line.
As far as the Acrostic part goes, I do have one suggestion, kind of a pain in the ass I know, I've done it before myself... You need to bold, or make the first letter of each line stand out somehow so people can read, It Is A Frogs Life I know it isn't the way a sonnet is presented but you may want to look at what it might look like with spaces between the lines of those words. You may, or may not, want to go that way, as it is also a sonnet... there must be a comprimise. You may want to consider changing the title of the poem to reflect the Acrostic, It is a Frogs Life.
It is a truly awesome write though... the syllables can be added without any incident I'm sure. You did an amazing job with this, I wish I had a 6! :)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanks, susand3022. I fixed those lines' iambic pentameter. I don't quite like the flow of those lines, but oh well!
I tried changing the first letter of each line. I played around with separating the words out into stanzas, but still figuring out how best to do it.
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I like the way you changed it. I think you're right to leave it together as a sonnet as well. It would look funny separated I think. You couldn't do it in sonnet stanzas, it would mess up the words, if you did it as words, it wouldn't make sense as a sonnet, this way you have a 13 line sonnet... period. lol
Comment from Joanna S. Blue
This was a challenging project, I'm sure, combining the demands of a sonnet and an acrostic. I like what you have done, especially how it shows the curiosity and wonder in this discovery. And how it continues--"And so I kept on visiting that spot." The only thing I would suggest is to put a space after the first letter of each line to make the acrostic more prominent.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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This was a challenging project, I'm sure, combining the demands of a sonnet and an acrostic. I like what you have done, especially how it shows the curiosity and wonder in this discovery. And how it continues--"And so I kept on visiting that spot." The only thing I would suggest is to put a space after the first letter of each line to make the acrostic more prominent.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanks, Joanna. I like that idea. I will try that.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Aiona,
This is a very interesting and different sonnet for the contest
with excellent rhymes to the sonnet form.
You have a good Volta turn in the third quatrain
and an excellent reflective couplet.
The iambic pentameter is very good except for lines four and eleven
If you fix those two, this sonnet could do very well
Best wishes
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Hello Aiona,
This is a very interesting and different sonnet for the contest
with excellent rhymes to the sonnet form.
You have a good Volta turn in the third quatrain
and an excellent reflective couplet.
The iambic pentameter is very good except for lines four and eleven
If you fix those two, this sonnet could do very well
Best wishes
Robert
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Oh, if I could only nominate you for reviewer of the month. I Googled "volta turn" and wow! I didn't even notice that. Yes, it does have a Volta turn, doesn't it? Totally accidental, but it just fell naturally into that spot, due to the content of the poem. I fixed lines four and eleven. Eleven's flow is kind of weird. I'm gonna keep working on that one.
Comment from kiwijenny
It is a frog's life... I like the observation ..I like the blobs becoming life...on each one...ordinarily I'd say in each one but it is not a frig's Life
Well penned and fun
God bless
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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It is a frog's life... I like the observation ..I like the blobs becoming life...on each one...ordinarily I'd say in each one but it is not a frig's Life
Well penned and fun
God bless
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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LOL! Thanks, kiwijenny!
Comment from JudyE
When you write like this and document the tiny changes from spawn to frog, the creation suddenly seems quite a small miracle. And kudos for making it acrostic as well. I should have thought a sonnet would have been difficult enough on its own. :) And good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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When you write like this and document the tiny changes from spawn to frog, the creation suddenly seems quite a small miracle. And kudos for making it acrostic as well. I should have thought a sonnet would have been difficult enough on its own. :) And good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanks, JudyE. It was fun to try! These contests/challenges really make one think! Yeah, frogs are such weird creatures. Cute, but weird.
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Aiona,
What a cool poem! And such a great image you've chosen to display, which really helps to convey the meaning of your verse. Nature is amazing, isn't she? I would do that, too, keep walking by and observing to see what would emerge. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. Jan :-)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Hi Aiona,
What a cool poem! And such a great image you've chosen to display, which really helps to convey the meaning of your verse. Nature is amazing, isn't she? I would do that, too, keep walking by and observing to see what would emerge. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. Jan :-)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thank you, Jan. Yeah, nature is definitely amazing.
