GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Dragons Battle"A child is born who will be a champion
8 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Roxanna.
Keep going-you've really got a good story going.
Your characters and scenes are well defined and the description of warriors, dragons and surroundings adds depth and interest to the story
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Hi Roxanna.
Keep going-you've really got a good story going.
Your characters and scenes are well defined and the description of warriors, dragons and surroundings adds depth and interest to the story
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much Shirley
Comment from JudyE
This is exciting writing and the descriptions are very effective.
I did pick up a few glitches:
Looking to the west Joshua could see Dyster still in pursuit of his cold hearted mother. - 'cold-hearted' (hyphenated)
He quickly over took her - over took should be one word.
The black dragon belched out smoke and fire - delete 'out'
and belched out smoke as if he knew his time had come. - delete 'out'
The blue dragon felt the presents of a malignant evil - should be 'presence'
Joshua looked to the east and saw a dragon flying toward him. It appeared silver as the sunlight bounced off its iridescent scales, the beast was enormous, spewing fire over the horse soldiers as he flew. - Period after 'scales'
Even from a distant he could see it's red eyes gleaming - delete apostrophe
it salivated as if anticipating a longed for meal - hyphenate 'longed-for
Joshua got a hand hold on the saddle and seat himself. - 'handhold' one word and should it be 'seated'?
in a teeth jarring clash - hyphenate 'teeth-jarring'
an ear splitting scream - hyphenate 'ear -splitting'
The dragons turned to face each other once again, Lucas bent low over the dragons neck, his eyes gleamed almost as brightly as Ond-Natt's. - period after 'again'.
the dragons hurdled towards the ground - 'hurtled'
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
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This is exciting writing and the descriptions are very effective.
I did pick up a few glitches:
Looking to the west Joshua could see Dyster still in pursuit of his cold hearted mother. - 'cold-hearted' (hyphenated)
He quickly over took her - over took should be one word.
The black dragon belched out smoke and fire - delete 'out'
and belched out smoke as if he knew his time had come. - delete 'out'
The blue dragon felt the presents of a malignant evil - should be 'presence'
Joshua looked to the east and saw a dragon flying toward him. It appeared silver as the sunlight bounced off its iridescent scales, the beast was enormous, spewing fire over the horse soldiers as he flew. - Period after 'scales'
Even from a distant he could see it's red eyes gleaming - delete apostrophe
it salivated as if anticipating a longed for meal - hyphenate 'longed-for
Joshua got a hand hold on the saddle and seat himself. - 'handhold' one word and should it be 'seated'?
in a teeth jarring clash - hyphenate 'teeth-jarring'
an ear splitting scream - hyphenate 'ear -splitting'
The dragons turned to face each other once again, Lucas bent low over the dragons neck, his eyes gleamed almost as brightly as Ond-Natt's. - period after 'again'.
the dragons hurdled towards the ground - 'hurtled'
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2019
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Thank you Judy. I think I fixed all the boo boos. =} Thanks for the helps. Rox
Comment from Ulla
Hi Roxanna, you know I haven't been following this story but I'm trying to follow as best as I can. I understand that a big fight is going on and I hope Joshua and Dyster will win over Lucas. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Hi Roxanna, you know I haven't been following this story but I'm trying to follow as best as I can. I understand that a big fight is going on and I hope Joshua and Dyster will win over Lucas. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much Ulla, I know the story isn't for everyone. I like dragons, but many people do not. Though I don't think I would like to meet one. =} Thanks for hanging in there. Rox
Comment from royowen
What a great episode Rox, great descriptive imagery of the battle now flowing freely, I suspect Dyster is more than a match for his large, black sibling, and will best him, more because he "feels" than his brother, who seems hell bent, well done Rox, most enjoyable, blessings, Roy
Typo : The blue dragon felt a (presents) presence? Suggestion, (malignant) evil, Malevolent? 2: Even from a (distant) he. Distance?
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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What a great episode Rox, great descriptive imagery of the battle now flowing freely, I suspect Dyster is more than a match for his large, black sibling, and will best him, more because he "feels" than his brother, who seems hell bent, well done Rox, most enjoyable, blessings, Roy
Typo : The blue dragon felt a (presents) presence? Suggestion, (malignant) evil, Malevolent? 2: Even from a (distant) he. Distance?
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the corrections. I always get my presents mixed up. =} Thanks for hanging in there with me, Rox
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Most welcome
Comment from nancy_e_davis
They are in a mighty battle. Another battle of good verses evil. Joshua and Dyster are sure to win out over Lucas and
Ond-Natt. Dyster might be a little battle worn from the battle with his mother and now he has a sibling fight. I'm sure he will be successful. Good Cliff hanger Rox. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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They are in a mighty battle. Another battle of good verses evil. Joshua and Dyster are sure to win out over Lucas and
Ond-Natt. Dyster might be a little battle worn from the battle with his mother and now he has a sibling fight. I'm sure he will be successful. Good Cliff hanger Rox. Nancy:)
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thank you so much Nancy =} Rox
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
OMG! What a place to stop, Rox! This is a real blockbuster fight, (And film if you can get this picked up!) What a wonderful part, the fight was so believable I could feel the heat. I'm sure Joshua will beat the evil duo, and then Dyster has his mother to contend with. This has got to be the most exciting part I've read, it has everything, and all I have to do is wait for my heart to slow down to a normal rhythm now!! Superb!! One little nit below. :)) Sandra xxx
The blue dragon felt he presents (presence)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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OMG! What a place to stop, Rox! This is a real blockbuster fight, (And film if you can get this picked up!) What a wonderful part, the fight was so believable I could feel the heat. I'm sure Joshua will beat the evil duo, and then Dyster has his mother to contend with. This has got to be the most exciting part I've read, it has everything, and all I have to do is wait for my heart to slow down to a normal rhythm now!! Superb!! One little nit below. :)) Sandra xxx
The blue dragon felt he presents (presence)
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thank you Sandra. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I fixed my boo boo. I always do that. Silly me. =} Thank you dear friend. Rox
Comment from Shirley McLain
A very exciting and active chapter. You did keep me reading until the end and then left me wanting more. I didn't see a thing wrong with your writing. Have a blessed day. Shirley
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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A very exciting and active chapter. You did keep me reading until the end and then left me wanting more. I didn't see a thing wrong with your writing. Have a blessed day. Shirley
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much Shirley.
Comment from Sally Law
You got yourself a real fantasy thriller here, Rox. Well done my friend. Your writing was flawless and as I read it out loud, it flowed so nicely. Your finest yet in the Joshua series.
All my best,
Sally xo
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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You got yourself a real fantasy thriller here, Rox. Well done my friend. Your writing was flawless and as I read it out loud, it flowed so nicely. Your finest yet in the Joshua series.
All my best,
Sally xo
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much Sally. =} Rox