People We Once Knew
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Little Leaguers"Short Stories
8 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Hello estory,
You're so right, this is a perfect time for this story. I can't believe that all of this has gone down. With all the money that these people spend on private schools, you would think that their kids would learn something! You would think that they would be satisfied to send their kids to college period. A good school doesn't have to be Ivy League, or prestigious. Kids should also be able to be kids while they are kids. Sports should be something you like and naturally excel at. Not something that you're brutalized into. I feel so bad for the kids on that team, and I'm surprised that the parents hadn't had him tossed well before then! ;)
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2019
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Hello estory,
You're so right, this is a perfect time for this story. I can't believe that all of this has gone down. With all the money that these people spend on private schools, you would think that their kids would learn something! You would think that they would be satisfied to send their kids to college period. A good school doesn't have to be Ivy League, or prestigious. Kids should also be able to be kids while they are kids. Sports should be something you like and naturally excel at. Not something that you're brutalized into. I feel so bad for the kids on that team, and I'm surprised that the parents hadn't had him tossed well before then! ;)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your perspective on the story. I think you got exactly what I was trying to say and I'm glad the story got people thinking on these elements in society today. The colleges, and especially the sports programs in these elite schools, are so rife with corruption I wouldn't even bother watching these NCAA games. The sports apparel industry is throwing hundreds of millions at the schools, at the players, to get endorsements and sell shoes and what not, hundred dollar sneakers that are really worth probably twenty bucks. The elite schools are so well funded by all this crap that no other schools even have a chance at the best players, so why bother? And with all that money floating around, in the gambling and all, who really believes these games are on the up and up? Everyone's bracket got busted already when that one team lost. estory
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You've got to love that sneaker thing. A local shoe store was going out of buiseness. I went in one day, needed new sneakers. $40.00, I decided to come back. Two weeks later I spent the $40.00... and got 3 pairs of sneakers and a pair of flats! No shopping for a while! I can deal with that! :)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good little piece here. Sadly, as a former athlete myself, I've seen this too many times from parents. it's very sad but something overtakes folks.
a star right fielder who hit a game winning home run - it may be an idea to hyphenate here, right-fielder who it a game-winning....
It still hung in the Joneses living room wall, above the TV set, - I think in this instance it would be Jones'.
and he had a bit of a tempter that he could not control. - temper.
But there could be no denying the mit and the cap and the bat Paul received as gifts, - perhaps mitt should have an extra 't' here.
"Mickey," Sue replied while picking the glasses up off of the table, "You sound like a talent scout- continuing dialogue here where the first bit isn't closed off so lower case after the tag.
or the manger asked him to sit at the end of the bench and take a breather. - manager.
"People are staring at you," she hissed at him, "They're talking about you."- same as before about continuing dialogue.
But Mickey, it's just a kids game. It's only little league. - kid's here.
"Do whatever you want," she said, "But in my opinion, you're taking this way too seriously." - but.
"I wish you would stop doing that," Sue told him, "You're making everyone nervous.- you're, although in this case it may be better to close the opening sentence off after the speech tag.
"Nowhere," Mickey said quickly, "Watching the game."- watching.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Hi there,
Good little piece here. Sadly, as a former athlete myself, I've seen this too many times from parents. it's very sad but something overtakes folks.
a star right fielder who hit a game winning home run - it may be an idea to hyphenate here, right-fielder who it a game-winning....
It still hung in the Joneses living room wall, above the TV set, - I think in this instance it would be Jones'.
and he had a bit of a tempter that he could not control. - temper.
But there could be no denying the mit and the cap and the bat Paul received as gifts, - perhaps mitt should have an extra 't' here.
"Mickey," Sue replied while picking the glasses up off of the table, "You sound like a talent scout- continuing dialogue here where the first bit isn't closed off so lower case after the tag.
or the manger asked him to sit at the end of the bench and take a breather. - manager.
"People are staring at you," she hissed at him, "They're talking about you."- same as before about continuing dialogue.
But Mickey, it's just a kids game. It's only little league. - kid's here.
"Do whatever you want," she said, "But in my opinion, you're taking this way too seriously." - but.
"I wish you would stop doing that," Sue told him, "You're making everyone nervous.- you're, although in this case it may be better to close the opening sentence off after the speech tag.
"Nowhere," Mickey said quickly, "Watching the game."- watching.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the good review and your comments and suggestions. I guess I should have taken more time in the edit, usually I catch more of these. I'll give it a good going over some day. I don't think it was one of my best stories, this one I think is more one dimensional, a bit flat. estory
Comment from djsaxon
Wow, Trap. What a journey, You can actually write in whole sentences. Korea will do that to us all. I liked it a lot. Carefully crafted, and as always shit perfect. No. "tempter " should read "temper". It's a long write but only for those who wear slip ons. I was gonna do a five but you got my olive, mother flecker. Hawk - x
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Wow, Trap. What a journey, You can actually write in whole sentences. Korea will do that to us all. I liked it a lot. Carefully crafted, and as always shit perfect. No. "tempter " should read "temper". It's a long write but only for those who wear slip ons. I was gonna do a five but you got my olive, mother flecker. Hawk - x
Comment Written 24-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thanks again for the exceptional review and all the support you gave the piece. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much and found it so well done. Actually, I think Near Death and Maze were probably better, but people react differently to different pieces. estory
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I have yet to explore more of your port but I will. Is there such a thing as a "breath of fresh pen" or am I mixing my mets? - H
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Estory,
This is an excellent and timely write, my friend, and an enjoyable read. Some sports parents are absolutely insane.
One offering for your consideration:
"Sue heard the man sitting to her say to his wife..."
Did you mean sitting next to or behind her here?
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Hi Estory,
This is an excellent and timely write, my friend, and an enjoyable read. Some sports parents are absolutely insane.
One offering for your consideration:
"Sue heard the man sitting to her say to his wife..."
Did you mean sitting next to or behind her here?
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
Comment Written 23-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your encouraging comments supporting this story. I'll have to give it a better edit someday. it was a bit rushed. estory
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My pleasure, as always. Jan :-)
Comment from Miss Sherry
This is a good story to illustrate the problem of parents becoming too involved in their children's activities. I am very competitive but always kept back from interfering. I think it is humiliating and demeaning for a parent to act like a bully. Your child has to face the others and it can cost them, friends. You are handling this story so evenly and well. Good job!!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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This is a good story to illustrate the problem of parents becoming too involved in their children's activities. I am very competitive but always kept back from interfering. I think it is humiliating and demeaning for a parent to act like a bully. Your child has to face the others and it can cost them, friends. You are handling this story so evenly and well. Good job!!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your comments and perspective on the story. I wrote this one after reading about a brawl between parents at a little league game. People today seem too caught up with the notion of coming out on top all the time. estory
Comment from Carla Trinklein
I read this story with interest. I was never a baseball fan until my son took an interest in the sport. He plays through a local rec center league and does well. He's also a huge Yankees fan.
Most of the parents in my son's league are very well behaved. Until the tournament at the end of the season, there isn't much at stake. Everyone comes to the games to escape the daily grind of life, and they take it for what it is.
Occasionally, though, you do see a parent who gets a little too hung up in his own child's performance. It's tough to watch. The game stops being fun then.
Your story kept my attention all the way through. You developed Mickey's character sympathetically, we feel how important the game is to him. We can also feel the stress Paul and Sue must be under.
There were a couple of sentences that were worded a bit awkwardly-you might want to look at them again. One was the last sentence in the fourth paragraph. Another time "manager" was spelled "manger." Those are trivial things, though, and easily fixed. Your story overall hangs together well and keeps the reader's interest.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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I read this story with interest. I was never a baseball fan until my son took an interest in the sport. He plays through a local rec center league and does well. He's also a huge Yankees fan.
Most of the parents in my son's league are very well behaved. Until the tournament at the end of the season, there isn't much at stake. Everyone comes to the games to escape the daily grind of life, and they take it for what it is.
Occasionally, though, you do see a parent who gets a little too hung up in his own child's performance. It's tough to watch. The game stops being fun then.
Your story kept my attention all the way through. You developed Mickey's character sympathetically, we feel how important the game is to him. We can also feel the stress Paul and Sue must be under.
There were a couple of sentences that were worded a bit awkwardly-you might want to look at them again. One was the last sentence in the fourth paragraph. Another time "manager" was spelled "manger." Those are trivial things, though, and easily fixed. Your story overall hangs together well and keeps the reader's interest.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thanks for the excellent review and for all your comments and perspective on the story. I'm glad you felt it was a realistic portrayal of the state of mind people can get into in today's success crazy society. I think I wrote Mickey actually a bit too flat, a bit too one dimensional, and I was surprised by how complex you thought he came across. Interesting. I don't know if I viewed him very sympathetically. To me, these kind of people are missing the point of life; to learn how to love other people. estory
Comment from royowen
Yes, I think some can be like that, I was an athlete when young, mum and dad never saw me play, even though I won many trophies. I threw my trophies away when I was a young Christian knowing they didn't prove anything, I raised my girls to enjoy their participation in sport, it was never important to be a champion, I saw parents raving and ranting at games, even umpires were abused. Sport is meant to teach the value of belonging to a team, doing one's best, but winning's not important, one's value, is above all these things. Well done, a very sad story, seeing what lengs some parents will go. Well done, excellent example of your theme, blessings, Roy
Typo : Had a bit of a (tempter) temper? Or the (manger) asked him...manager? 3: the first place(d) team.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Yes, I think some can be like that, I was an athlete when young, mum and dad never saw me play, even though I won many trophies. I threw my trophies away when I was a young Christian knowing they didn't prove anything, I raised my girls to enjoy their participation in sport, it was never important to be a champion, I saw parents raving and ranting at games, even umpires were abused. Sport is meant to teach the value of belonging to a team, doing one's best, but winning's not important, one's value, is above all these things. Well done, a very sad story, seeing what lengs some parents will go. Well done, excellent example of your theme, blessings, Roy
Typo : Had a bit of a (tempter) temper? Or the (manger) asked him...manager? 3: the first place(d) team.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your comments and perspective on this story. I think you got basically what I was trying to say. It is kind of a bit one dimensional, in its depiction of the success driven parent, but I wanted to show where this kind of obsession with success and acknowledgement takes you away from the real lessons of life; learning to love other people. estory
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I think I said that
Comment from Bill Pinder
Excellent story with a good perspective that needs to be shared in this crazy "win at all costs" society. It is really disgusting. It's also distractive to the whole development of a healthy kid.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Excellent story with a good perspective that needs to be shared in this crazy "win at all costs" society. It is really disgusting. It's also distractive to the whole development of a healthy kid.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your encouraging comments on this story. I think you got what I was trying to say, and that validates the story in some measure. I don't know if it is one of my better ones, but something I felt had to be written to create a more complete view of today's society and the people that shape it. estory
