Pete
A Morning I will Never Forget18 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Violet:
As I was reading this, I couldn't help but think a four-year-old would
probably not have even thought to kick a dog had she not witnessed
an adult do so. Sometimes when adults (your dad) lay blame on
everyone else, it is because they cannot stand the guilt they feel,
even if they would never admit it out loud.
Glad you are okay now.
jan
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Violet:
As I was reading this, I couldn't help but think a four-year-old would
probably not have even thought to kick a dog had she not witnessed
an adult do so. Sometimes when adults (your dad) lay blame on
everyone else, it is because they cannot stand the guilt they feel,
even if they would never admit it out loud.
Glad you are okay now.
jan
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Thanks, Jan. I have to agree.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You have done a handy job of creating several sensory experiences. On of my favorites: "Gravel crunched beneath the wheels of my little blue trike." I found out when I was an adult that my mother had our dog shot because he'd bitten someone. We went for a ride and when we got home and thereafter Blacky never showed up. We learned t grieve our dog. We lost many because we live just off a main highway. We loved our dogs and even made a map of our garden area where my mother buried them. We were going t dig them up some day. But never did. You will draw the reader in to identify with a similar situation. They will be invited to reflect on their love or despising or fear of dog. Well written.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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You have done a handy job of creating several sensory experiences. On of my favorites: "Gravel crunched beneath the wheels of my little blue trike." I found out when I was an adult that my mother had our dog shot because he'd bitten someone. We went for a ride and when we got home and thereafter Blacky never showed up. We learned t grieve our dog. We lost many because we live just off a main highway. We loved our dogs and even made a map of our garden area where my mother buried them. We were going t dig them up some day. But never did. You will draw the reader in to identify with a similar situation. They will be invited to reflect on their love or despising or fear of dog. Well written.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Thanks, Liz for sharing your story.
Comment from DonandVicki
A very sad story and full of tragedy and emotions. you play out the emotions very well with your words and also bring out vivid imagery in every paragraph. Well composed and emotional read.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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A very sad story and full of tragedy and emotions. you play out the emotions very well with your words and also bring out vivid imagery in every paragraph. Well composed and emotional read.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from humpwhistle
Violet, this is an interesting and meaningful story. But I think it might be overly long. A lot of details that don't add to, or propel the story.
The hardest part of writing is ruthless editing.
I made a few notes while reading, but I don't think I caught all the errors.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
I was four years old, it was early spring, and there was a slight chill in the air as the sun made its way across the eastern sky.--These are three complete sentences. I'd use periods instead of commas.
weary of the ax that -- I think you mean 'wary'.
After she had gone, dad went back -- Dad, not dad.
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Violet, this is an interesting and meaningful story. But I think it might be overly long. A lot of details that don't add to, or propel the story.
The hardest part of writing is ruthless editing.
I made a few notes while reading, but I don't think I caught all the errors.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
I was four years old, it was early spring, and there was a slight chill in the air as the sun made its way across the eastern sky.--These are three complete sentences. I'd use periods instead of commas.
weary of the ax that -- I think you mean 'wary'.
After she had gone, dad went back -- Dad, not dad.
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thank you, Lee.
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Hey Lee. I did some editing on this piece and was wondering if you'd take a second look. Thanks again for your review.
Comment from Ben Colder
Kicking Pete was insult to him from a child. He expected it from your father as a sign to move away from the door. He retaliated in the manner most dogs would from certain spices. If children are near, I do not blame your father for shooting the dog. I would have done the same. Good story.
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Kicking Pete was insult to him from a child. He expected it from your father as a sign to move away from the door. He retaliated in the manner most dogs would from certain spices. If children are near, I do not blame your father for shooting the dog. I would have done the same. Good story.
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thanks.
Comment from 24chas
Wow, what a story. Thank goodness you survived the attack. It sounds like you still have some psychological scars left from it. Good job writing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Wow, what a story. Thank goodness you survived the attack. It sounds like you still have some psychological scars left from it. Good job writing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from Patty Palmer
I really enjoyed reading your story. The story was good and stuck to the story all the way through instead of going off into long periods of description that wouldn't have made the story better than it is.
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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I really enjoyed reading your story. The story was good and stuck to the story all the way through instead of going off into long periods of description that wouldn't have made the story better than it is.
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thank you.
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You are very welcome
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You are welcome
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You are welcome
Comment from LisaMay
Your story is well written and very engaging. I was totally involved in your story from beginning to end. You had a lucky escape as a child and now years later you have gained some insight into the lack of anger management your father is still displaying. He was and is still blaming others. It is good that you are still alive to laugh about it, and that you learned your lesson not to kick a dog.
I just have a couple of corrections to suggest:
Two years ago, one of my nieces spent the night at my house(put a full stop here and begin a new sentence with a capital letter for 'She') she had a two-month-old puppy with her
also:
He started yelling and(at) me, shouting that it wasn't funny,
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reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Your story is well written and very engaging. I was totally involved in your story from beginning to end. You had a lucky escape as a child and now years later you have gained some insight into the lack of anger management your father is still displaying. He was and is still blaming others. It is good that you are still alive to laugh about it, and that you learned your lesson not to kick a dog.
I just have a couple of corrections to suggest:
Two years ago, one of my nieces spent the night at my house(put a full stop here and begin a new sentence with a capital letter for 'She') she had a two-month-old puppy with her
also:
He started yelling and(at) me, shouting that it wasn't funny,
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thank you, Lisa.
