Light Fingered Lune
Stolen peace: sleep-deprived at a cheap motel.10 total reviews
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Lisa,
Good grief that sign would definitely be quite annoying! This is a great poem and a terrific contest entry. Nothing for me to suggest you rework. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the competition. Jan :-)
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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Hi Lisa,
Good grief that sign would definitely be quite annoying! This is a great poem and a terrific contest entry. Nothing for me to suggest you rework. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the competition. Jan :-)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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It was making buzzing noises too which was worse than the flickering strobe effect.
(The competition is over and the only vote it got was my own! Yes, quite vainly I thought it was good, all in vain!)
Comment from Lobber
I like everything you've done. Layered concepts and active words, especially the verbs that make the text come alive. Of course the subtle double entendres (not blatant or shouting at the reader), make for a soothing and convincing journey ...one that's light, yet sensual (even though it's missing one moon)...still I give it six stellar stars for capturing the lune.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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I like everything you've done. Layered concepts and active words, especially the verbs that make the text come alive. Of course the subtle double entendres (not blatant or shouting at the reader), make for a soothing and convincing journey ...one that's light, yet sensual (even though it's missing one moon)...still I give it six stellar stars for capturing the lune.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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What a poetic review! Thanks so much. I am glad you are noticing the double meanings... some folks need it explained to them.
It is quite intriguing to me how my poems can get high ratings yet in the contest booth which this poem is entered in I have only one vote and that is one I embarrassingly gave myself so at least I didn't get nought!
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If you check my works I seem to be in the same boat ...or is the Titanic? I only joined two weeks ago. Patience is a virtue worth barfing at
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Then let's barf away together!!
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Well, I guess it?s one oar or the other oar, or maybe it?s a knot, nought or not! (It?s 3am and I can?t believe I wrote this.)
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Oh, so you are a 3am person also!!
Comment from LIJ Red
Though I wonder if this not more of a condensed senryu, of human emotions rather than a glimpse of nature, I doubt it makes any difference in the contest...been there, done that--excellent post.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Though I wonder if this not more of a condensed senryu, of human emotions rather than a glimpse of nature, I doubt it makes any difference in the contest...been there, done that--excellent post.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Thanks for taking the time to review my offering. The contest rules made no mention of emotions or nature, just syllable count and free topic.
Comment from 24chas
This was a good write. And it is so the truth if it's ever happened to anyone, you have certainly captured the experience. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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This was a good write. And it is so the truth if it's ever happened to anyone, you have certainly captured the experience. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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It's the wall banging and thumping through thin walls that also steals sleep in cheap motels.
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Ben Colder
Wall banger are just as bad. The ice machine and the sound of people getting ice guarantees a sleepless night. I see nothing wrong with this entry. Best to you
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Wall banger are just as bad. The ice machine and the sound of people getting ice guarantees a sleepless night. I see nothing wrong with this entry. Best to you
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Oh yes indeed, that is much worse! Or the sound of violence right through a thin wall.
Thanks for reviewing, Ben.
Comment from tfawcus
A vivid metaphor here, with the light fingers of the neon sign keeping you awake. A light-fingered thief indeed. Very nice double meaning expressed in this.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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A vivid metaphor here, with the light fingers of the neon sign keeping you awake. A light-fingered thief indeed. Very nice double meaning expressed in this.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you for getting it. I had to explain it to another reviewer. I like the reader to do some of the work by injecting ambiguity.
Comment from JudyE
Isn't this the truth? Sleeping in cheap motels is the pits sometimes. I don't have any suggestions for improving your poem. I think it is just fine as it is. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Isn't this the truth? Sleeping in cheap motels is the pits sometimes. I don't have any suggestions for improving your poem. I think it is just fine as it is. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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That particular motel did not have window curtains that pulled across enough. Budget travelling!!
Thanks for your good wishes.
Comment from Lance S. Loria
I'm working on my first lune now. This type poem is a challenge. I like the artwork. I'm not sure I understand the meaning of the first line (specifically light fingers). Does that mean rays of light? I'm not reducing your rating for what I don't understand. That wouldn't be fair. I'd just like to better understand it.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I'm working on my first lune now. This type poem is a challenge. I like the artwork. I'm not sure I understand the meaning of the first line (specifically light fingers). Does that mean rays of light? I'm not reducing your rating for what I don't understand. That wouldn't be fair. I'd just like to better understand it.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Yes the term "light fingers" can be taken 2 ways...(I like to put some ambiguity into my short poems to make the reader do some of the work). It can mean rays of light probing into the room (the window did not have curtains) and it can mean light-fingered like a thief stealing things, in this case stealing my sleep.
Thanks for reviewing, Lance. I hope this explains it better for you?
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Yes it does explain it. Thanks. I just published my lune. Perhaps we'll be in a battle of the lune soon. LOL
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You might steal away with first place!
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I hope so....and hope you get 2nd! LoL
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Me too... except reversed, hahaha.
Comment from Catmusings
Great lune and love the graphic that goes with it, too. Fun idea to use a neon sign in a poem that way and I like the personification of fingers stealing sleep. Well done!
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Great lune and love the graphic that goes with it, too. Fun idea to use a neon sign in a poem that way and I like the personification of fingers stealing sleep. Well done!
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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What a lovely review! Thanks so much for your comments.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-That is quite an image
and presentation!
-It goes with your
description, though.
-The syllable count is good.
-The imagery is effective,
especially in line two.
-Good use of alliteration in line one.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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-That is quite an image
and presentation!
-It goes with your
description, though.
-The syllable count is good.
-The imagery is effective,
especially in line two.
-Good use of alliteration in line one.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Nice review, thanks Pam.
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You are welcome.
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You are very welcome.
