St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "St. Louis Chapter 2 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
25 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Logan does seem nervous and unsure of the circumstances.
Sure she does have a "massive headache" after the condition she was in.
Logan does seem to be trying to take over her life. That concept could produce several scenarios.
Dialogue seemed natural for the storyline.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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Logan does seem nervous and unsure of the circumstances.
Sure she does have a "massive headache" after the condition she was in.
Logan does seem to be trying to take over her life. That concept could produce several scenarios.
Dialogue seemed natural for the storyline.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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This novel with an editor as we speak. Thank you for the sweet review.
Comment from Rhonda Skinner
Very well written. You've got me curious as to whether the hotel stationery will come into play later on. I look forward to the next chapter. Cheers, Rhonda
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
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Very well written. You've got me curious as to whether the hotel stationery will come into play later on. I look forward to the next chapter. Cheers, Rhonda
Comment Written 14-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. Everything that happened at the hotel is important.
Comment from shaffer40
This sounds like an interesting story. I like the two characters I've read about so far. I'm wondering if there's going to be a romance between these two, and I'm hoping there is.
If I may, I have some editing suggestions:
In paragraph four: no comma after "There's no way"
Suggest: "He glanced through the peephole." [rather than out]
Suggest omit comma and "yet" and repetition of "stand"
"Can you stand?"
"What do you mean?"
"Try it."
McKenzie sat on the edge of the bed and rose to her feet. "I can do it." She took a
wobbly step and plopped down on the bed. "What happened?"
Suggest: "but he was gawking at me. I have no idea why."
[The "feel" statement is redundant]
Six-two [dash rather than comma]
You have "tatt" in one place and "tat" in another. I think "tatt" is correct.
"Last night, I put them over here." Suggest: "I put them over here last night."
"He set her in the parking lot." I know what you mean here, but it sounds like
she's a vase or a package or something. Maybe reword. "He got her
settled in the parking lot." Or something like that.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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This sounds like an interesting story. I like the two characters I've read about so far. I'm wondering if there's going to be a romance between these two, and I'm hoping there is.
If I may, I have some editing suggestions:
In paragraph four: no comma after "There's no way"
Suggest: "He glanced through the peephole." [rather than out]
Suggest omit comma and "yet" and repetition of "stand"
"Can you stand?"
"What do you mean?"
"Try it."
McKenzie sat on the edge of the bed and rose to her feet. "I can do it." She took a
wobbly step and plopped down on the bed. "What happened?"
Suggest: "but he was gawking at me. I have no idea why."
[The "feel" statement is redundant]
Six-two [dash rather than comma]
You have "tatt" in one place and "tat" in another. I think "tatt" is correct.
"Last night, I put them over here." Suggest: "I put them over here last night."
"He set her in the parking lot." I know what you mean here, but it sounds like
she's a vase or a package or something. Maybe reword. "He got her
settled in the parking lot." Or something like that.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the help I made all the changes except on. I'm still working on the last one. I may reword the entire sentence. I really appreciate the help.
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That's really nice that you nominated me. Thank you.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice to see the burgeoning relationship between these two, albeit on a rather obscure footing. lol
"I guess it doesn't matter if it has the hotel logo's on it."- either hotel's logo or hotel logo.
"I guess its bare feet for me." - it's in this instance.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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Nice to see the burgeoning relationship between these two, albeit on a rather obscure footing. lol
"I guess it doesn't matter if it has the hotel logo's on it."- either hotel's logo or hotel logo.
"I guess its bare feet for me." - it's in this instance.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I first had hotel's logo and then changed it at the last minute. Thank you.again.
Comment from royowen
An excellent episode Barbara, (I've been away a few days, no internet.) it looks like Mack is recovering, although still a little shaken, Logan shares the fact that he's been looking after her for quite a few hours, informs her she's had blood taken from her to ascertain the drug she ingested. Well done, blessjngs, Roy
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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An excellent episode Barbara, (I've been away a few days, no internet.) it looks like Mack is recovering, although still a little shaken, Logan shares the fact that he's been looking after her for quite a few hours, informs her she's had blood taken from her to ascertain the drug she ingested. Well done, blessjngs, Roy
Comment Written 12-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I understand about the Internet.
Comment from sandragee
Logan is the protective type. He is trying to help Mac, but she is independent and not making it easy for him. She says, "I don't like the idea of you taking over my life." He responds, "If you don't want my help, I'll leave." This is just one of the interesting conversations they will have as their personalities continue to clash. Looking forward to the next chapter.
A suggestion:
He set her (down) in the parking lot.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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Logan is the protective type. He is trying to help Mac, but she is independent and not making it easy for him. She says, "I don't like the idea of you taking over my life." He responds, "If you don't want my help, I'll leave." This is just one of the interesting conversations they will have as their personalities continue to clash. Looking forward to the next chapter.
A suggestion:
He set her (down) in the parking lot.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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I will recheck that area. I've been told by editors not to use the direction words unless absolutely necessary. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Artasylum
The tattoo is exquisite... great job on this...
"You don't remember much, do you? A buddy of mine came by. He's a lab tech. He took some blood to see what drug you were given."
McKenzie closed her eyes and thought. "I do remember that. His name started with an 's'."
"Yes, Simon Knight." Logan scanned the room. "Let's get you home. Think you can walk?" He shook his head. "Never mind. I'll help." He stood beside her. "Use my arm to steady yourself."
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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The tattoo is exquisite... great job on this...
"You don't remember much, do you? A buddy of mine came by. He's a lab tech. He took some blood to see what drug you were given."
McKenzie closed her eyes and thought. "I do remember that. His name started with an 's'."
"Yes, Simon Knight." Logan scanned the room. "Let's get you home. Think you can walk?" He shook his head. "Never mind. I'll help." He stood beside her. "Use my arm to steady yourself."
Comment Written 12-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Loren .
Your characters seem so alive that they've piqued my interest in the story and its background. Will need to take a moments to read and catch up. At this point I'm not sure who the main protagonist is, but will find out soon, i'm sure. Also, will need to understand the trust that Mac seems to have in Logon and why Logon seems to be so protective of Mac. Will be back for more, I'm fairly certain. James
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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Your characters seem so alive that they've piqued my interest in the story and its background. Will need to take a moments to read and catch up. At this point I'm not sure who the main protagonist is, but will find out soon, i'm sure. Also, will need to understand the trust that Mac seems to have in Logon and why Logon seems to be so protective of Mac. Will be back for more, I'm fairly certain. James
Comment Written 12-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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Logan is protective over Mac because his baby sister was just murdered and taking care of people is what he does. Thank you for the kind review.
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Of course I mean Logan and not Logon ... good grief, too much PC verbiage going on in my mind. Thank you for the update!
Comment from coffeeandink
I like the last line, I shared it with Bill, who also has a story up for read this week. I don't have a car, but, I think of Diana's life ending without a scar or wheelchair, and wonder, what God was trying to say. I like the last line of your story. I hope you continue and write another chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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I like the last line, I shared it with Bill, who also has a story up for read this week. I don't have a car, but, I think of Diana's life ending without a scar or wheelchair, and wonder, what God was trying to say. I like the last line of your story. I hope you continue and write another chapter.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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I post every Sunday. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from SLMorrical
This is a good flow from the last chapter. I am glad Mac apologized to Logan. I also understand why she was a little nasty. Knowing someone has taken care of you or has to care of you, especially when you are a strong female, is an irritant. Strong women don't like feeling vulnerable. This flows very well. I can visualize the two characters and where they are. I hope Logan accepts her apology. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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This is a good flow from the last chapter. I am glad Mac apologized to Logan. I also understand why she was a little nasty. Knowing someone has taken care of you or has to care of you, especially when you are a strong female, is an irritant. Strong women don't like feeling vulnerable. This flows very well. I can visualize the two characters and where they are. I hope Logan accepts her apology. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
