Taken
Desire can drive a man to commit the most brutal act13 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Writer,
Your story is very well written with excellent description
of the two opposite personas of beauty and brutality.
There seems to be a bit of contradiction in the putrid breath
and then her response, she kissed him tenderly,
but I guess that is the surprise ending.
Excellent art work choice
Good luck in the contest
Robert
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Hello Writer,
Your story is very well written with excellent description
of the two opposite personas of beauty and brutality.
There seems to be a bit of contradiction in the putrid breath
and then her response, she kissed him tenderly,
but I guess that is the surprise ending.
Excellent art work choice
Good luck in the contest
Robert
Comment Written 26-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Hi rspoet. I failed. Your comments alerted me abd I have reworked the surprise ending. Thank you.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written flash fiction, about a man that looking for the one he desires and took her by surprise to give her a flower that was busy wilting but she enjoyed the flower despite the pain and discomfort he caused her.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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A very well-written flash fiction, about a man that looking for the one he desires and took her by surprise to give her a flower that was busy wilting but she enjoyed the flower despite the pain and discomfort he caused her.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Hi Sandra, I failed. Lol. I have reworked the ending. Thank you
Comment from Mark Valentine
Even though the contest topic makes it clear that a surprise is coming, I didn't see this particular surprise. I had to read it a couple of times before I realized that the "she" of the first six paragraphs was a flower. The way you built it up was fantastic. If readers are attentive enough to ge it, this should do well in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Even though the contest topic makes it clear that a surprise is coming, I didn't see this particular surprise. I had to read it a couple of times before I realized that the "she" of the first six paragraphs was a flower. The way you built it up was fantastic. If readers are attentive enough to ge it, this should do well in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Hi Mark, you got it but you made me realise my surprise ending was way too subtle. I have reworked it now. Thank you for your review.
