Visitor
Terza Rima15 total reviews
Comment from Sugarray77
You have done a very good job on this prompt, Steve. I really like your poem and think it was a perfect entry for this type of challenge. Well done.
Melissa
reply by the author on 21-May-2019
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You have done a very good job on this prompt, Steve. I really like your poem and think it was a perfect entry for this type of challenge. Well done.
Melissa
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 21-May-2019
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Thanks again. I have had an offer of publication for this one and my wife has created a gorgeous piece of art to accompany it. It was an interesting contest challenge.
Comment from Santiago2
Picked this from your portfolio and began reading, and after the first stanza, knowing nothing about the contest, said to myself, "This sounds very similar to one of my favorite poems."
Congrats, this is so well done. Kudos. I especially like that you incorporated the "wrong" vs "right" standoff in the last stanza.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
saludos,
jon
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Picked this from your portfolio and began reading, and after the first stanza, knowing nothing about the contest, said to myself, "This sounds very similar to one of my favorite poems."
Congrats, this is so well done. Kudos. I especially like that you incorporated the "wrong" vs "right" standoff in the last stanza.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
saludos,
jon
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Jon.
I love Frost and was pleased to be able to make something new out of his form/words.
Steve
Comment from JudyE
I enjoyed your Terza Rima poem (what a lot of stuff I'm learning here) but I can't imagine that they are easy to come up with. I like the imagery especially 'thrum of rain' which is exactly what the rain does on our iron roof.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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I enjoyed your Terza Rima poem (what a lot of stuff I'm learning here) but I can't imagine that they are easy to come up with. I like the imagery especially 'thrum of rain' which is exactly what the rain does on our iron roof.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Judy.
Nice word, isn't it - so expressive of the actual sound. Wish we could get a bit more of it at the moment.
Comment from WalkerMan
The old masters of poetry are called that for good reason. Few attempts to improve upon their work actually succeed, while some fail miserably. Your terza rima for Robert Front's "Acquainted With the Night" (1928) succeeds so effectively that it is worthy of publication on its own, of course with mention of the poem which inspired it. You held closely to the original theme with well-chosen new words, while replacing the sense of lonely despair with a bit of solace to mitigate the loss of one dearly loved. I like it all, especially your last two stanzas:
I long to hear again your last goodbye
that drifts, a lovely feather, from the height
of love, which swells to fill the lonely sky.
And is it wrong to think that this is right -
these times you come intruding on my night?
As one who truly knows how this feels, I say you have expressed it superbly.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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The old masters of poetry are called that for good reason. Few attempts to improve upon their work actually succeed, while some fail miserably. Your terza rima for Robert Front's "Acquainted With the Night" (1928) succeeds so effectively that it is worthy of publication on its own, of course with mention of the poem which inspired it. You held closely to the original theme with well-chosen new words, while replacing the sense of lonely despair with a bit of solace to mitigate the loss of one dearly loved. I like it all, especially your last two stanzas:
I long to hear again your last goodbye
that drifts, a lovely feather, from the height
of love, which swells to fill the lonely sky.
And is it wrong to think that this is right -
these times you come intruding on my night?
As one who truly knows how this feels, I say you have expressed it superbly.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Thank you very much for the fine review and gift of stars, and of course for the enormous compliment. To even be mentioned in the same breath as Frost is beyond my wildest expectations.
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You are most welcome. If you are interested in a publication offer for this fine poem, please send me a PM and I'll provide details. -- Mike
Comment from susand3022
Hello Author, I really like the way you turned this poem around, I found it to be a unique way to do it. I thought that I would read the Master poem first to see how the new one would be different. This is working better for me as I no longer have to go back to the new one. I really do like the way you took it inside from outside. Nicely done. :)
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Hello Author, I really like the way you turned this poem around, I found it to be a unique way to do it. I thought that I would read the Master poem first to see how the new one would be different. This is working better for me as I no longer have to go back to the new one. I really do like the way you took it inside from outside. Nicely done. :)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Susan, than you very much for the kind words.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this complex style, Mystery Author. Your lines read smoothly with a great message. I enjoyed reading your remastered poem. Thanks for the author notes, too. Best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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You did a great job with this complex style, Mystery Author. Your lines read smoothly with a great message. I enjoyed reading your remastered poem. Thanks for the author notes, too. Best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Jan.
This was an interesting contest and I am glad you found the poem succeeded,'
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written terza rhima and a great attempt to remaster another masterpiece written by another writer that wrote his masterpiece a while back.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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A very well-written terza rhima and a great attempt to remaster another masterpiece written by another writer that wrote his masterpiece a while back.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Thank you, Sandra.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have displayed true poetic skill in this creation (challenging prompt)!
It is skillfully-written and moving. Not all memories are welcome. Sometimes
we see a sudden reminder in a flash of light or a raindrop.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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You have displayed true poetic skill in this creation (challenging prompt)!
It is skillfully-written and moving. Not all memories are welcome. Sometimes
we see a sudden reminder in a flash of light or a raindrop.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Janice. I'm glad you found the poem one you could relate to.
Comment from CathyM
I do like how this contradicts some of the stanzas from Frosts poem. The stanza But not to call... contrasts with I long to hear... Very nicely done. Good job.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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I do like how this contradicts some of the stanzas from Frosts poem. The stanza But not to call... contrasts with I long to hear... Very nicely done. Good job.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Cathy, thanks very much for the kind words.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon
A wonderful piece this. Honest to the form and the structure. You have taken the rather sombre original (which I have always read as the reflection of a lonely writer, stuck in a rut and seeking inspiration) to explore a lost love, and the refrain that the memory intrudes upon your night, triggered sometimes by a mere 'trick of the light', well it is all so very true to life.
The final goodbye as a feather is a lovely and lonely image.
I must say, your runs ons are well executed. The t.r. form can be jarring when read, but the enjambment here breaks that up.
In passing - and it might be my accent or reading, rather than your writing - I stumbled on;
"...and quickens for a moment slow heart's beat..."
I got more joy out of;
"...and quickens for a moment heart's slow beat..."
I mean no disrespect to your original words and this is, as I say, most likely an accent issue.
This is a well contested challenge, but this is a very strong entry.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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Hello Anon
A wonderful piece this. Honest to the form and the structure. You have taken the rather sombre original (which I have always read as the reflection of a lonely writer, stuck in a rut and seeking inspiration) to explore a lost love, and the refrain that the memory intrudes upon your night, triggered sometimes by a mere 'trick of the light', well it is all so very true to life.
The final goodbye as a feather is a lovely and lonely image.
I must say, your runs ons are well executed. The t.r. form can be jarring when read, but the enjambment here breaks that up.
In passing - and it might be my accent or reading, rather than your writing - I stumbled on;
"...and quickens for a moment slow heart's beat..."
I got more joy out of;
"...and quickens for a moment heart's slow beat..."
I mean no disrespect to your original words and this is, as I say, most likely an accent issue.
This is a well contested challenge, but this is a very strong entry.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
Comment Written 24-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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Thank you for your excellent review. I believe if I nominate you, I give away my identity...
Frost is difficult to 'do' well. His language is always simple and yet there are hidden depths of meaning. I hadn't thought of night as being a metaphor for depression until I looked the poem up on Wikipedia. It is wonderful how such a simple suggestion can change your whole way of looking at a poem. Your interpretation is equally apt.
'slow heart's beat' or 'heart's slow beat'? A toss-up really. My intention was to have three stressed syllables there to echo the beating heart. I may go with your suggestion.
Thanks again.
