Comment from Tpa

Excellent

enjoyed the story, the words flowed nicely. the dialogue felt real and you had very good descriptions of the dress and scenery I wish you the best in the contest.

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019

Thank you, Tpa. When a reviewer goes into this kind of detail, it is so very helpful! It helps me gauge what's 'worked' and what hasn't, so I appreciate the time and thought that went into these words. xo

Comment from 24chas

Excellent

This was a good read, unknown author. Liked the way the story cranked up and kept the flow going until the end. A timely story as well. Nice job and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019

Thank you, 24chas. It helps when reviewers get specific like this with their reviews. That way, it's easier to gauge one's writing strengths and the places that still need work.

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

The grammar and storyline are cleanly executed, and the story launches smoothly from the prompt. I never rate on content or the writer's style unless they get really hinky...the style is sound and the content is PC

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019

This is a terrific review, and I couldn't appreciate it more. Thanks for all the thought and candor that went into it. It's very helpful. (And thank gawd I'm not hinky!) [I've always loved that word.]

Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux

Excellent

That's quite a bomb to be dropped. Actually, it's quite a bit more than that. It truly is a what happened moment. What do you do? How do you come back from that? The elephant in the room and crickets chirping at the same time. I enjoyed this well constructed and well written story. Well done!

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019

Thank you very much, Jeffrey! Yes, I think their next Thanksgiving dinner is going to be a rather awkward one...

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Some fabulous use of literary device here --

1) Mona Lisa bookends
2) electrified game of Whack-A-Mole
3) confetti-laden ants fleeing a stampede
4) lobbed questions
5) show-dog of a mother
6) words that his wife had pelted

I have only one, very small suggestion, and it has nothing at all to do with the writing of this wonderful story. Where a hyphen is used in place of a semi-colon, it should be double, like this: --

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019

Ooops. Yes! You are absolutely right. Thank you for that reminder, Dawn. I'm always so happy when reviewers help like you just did. I hope you never hesitate to do so for me. xo

And thank you for all those examples you cited of what you liked. That helps, too. I see what I'm doing that's connecting with readers. Invaluable.

reply by Dawn Munro on 21-Feb-2019

I'm so glad you are pleased -- I'd love to know who you are when the contest is over! :))

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019

I'll give you a hint: you've helped me several times already!

reply by Dawn Munro on 21-Feb-2019

Ummmm... (lol)

Comment from JudyE

Excellent

This is great writing with some wonderful imagery - Mona Lisa bookends, blanched seaweed, confetti-laden ants - very original and very effective writing.

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019

Thanks very much, JudyE. Any suggestions for tweaks it could use?

reply by JudyE on 21-Feb-2019

I reread it but couldn't come up with much.

However --
Eyes calm, dignified carriage, they lowered themselves into the white stretch limo and looked straight ahead as it rocketed down the street.

I would have put 'Eyes calm, carriage dignified (put the nouns first, then the adjectives) or else 'With calm eyes and dignified carriage'. And I may not have used 'rocketed'. Maybe I would have used 'sped' but a stretch limo and rocketed don't seem to go together to me.

Then, at the end, Erick is speaking for both of them so rather than:
"Actually we BOTH do," Erick said. "You are the most wonderful people I've ever known. Your love for Kevin -and me- is amazing and selfless beyond words." maybe it should be 'we've ever known'.

This is nit-picking a bit as really it's just a matter of opinion. But I hope it helps.

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019

First of all, I ASKED for nit-picking because I knew I could trust you to help. And I do see and agree with your suggestions. Thank you very much, JudyE. I appreciate the spent you took to do this. xo

reply by JudyE on 21-Feb-2019

Thanks. It's nice to be asked to help and even better if it were (a help). :)

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

This is such good writing. Twist at the end..in a short space of a page we came to feel for a family in turmoil...a high profile family that paparazzi follow ...that's enough to shatter any family... good job
God bless

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019

Thanks. Especially in today's world, where everyone and everything is on video, this hits home big time. Thanks for the review.

Comment from Liz O'Neill

Excellent

You have skillfully used similes, something I see rarely done. You draw thge reader in with your imagery in the beginning. Your element of surprise for the reader mimics, I'm sure, the shock of the wedding attendees. From my prospective because of my stance on Same-sex marriage, I found this to have very tongue-in-cheek humor. Thank you for addressing this controversial issue and its underlying implications. Well written

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019

This is an awesome review and helps me know what appeals to readers. Thank you very, very much.

Comment from Stephanie Launiu

Excellent

You've effectively written about what sounded like a wedding twist that had everybody but the grooms floored. After being the bride in a situation like that, all you can do is 'pick up the pieces' and go on. You really took the writing prompt and ran with it. Best of luck with the contest.!

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019

Thank you!

Actually, Muriel and Delia knew, too. Muriel helped plan it (as Erick says to her at the end, when he looks into the camera and thanks her for having "graciously accepted -all those months ago--the changes that just had to be made to the original plans or this day." Andia knew because Kevin is her twin brother (Erick looked into the camera and said, "Delia, you are going to be the best twin sister-in-law I could ever have had.") Plus, she had her press statement ready and retrieved it from the roll-top desk cubby when they returned home. The only ones who DIDN'T realize what was happening (well, other than all the guests) were both father/senators - the sanctimonious one who spoke to his constituents a few days earlier about the evils of same-sex marriages- and the one who was Muriel's husband, whom she'd accused of being oblivious to their own family's dynamics, and Erick's mom who was just into herself and her image.

Now I'm a little worried I got too "clever" for my own good. What do you think? (Be very honest, please. That's how I'll improve at writing.)

reply by Stephanie Launiu on 20-Feb-2019

Yes, I picked up on the threads you mentioned. It was a very complex story that you were trying to tell, and you left a good "bread crumb" trail, but at the end I didn't completely understand some things. For instance, why did they have to pull the last minute change at the wedding? Why couldn't Eric and Kevin have gotten married in a regular wedding without the surprise to Eric's parents? Who is Kyle? He's mentioned in one of the later paragraphs. I understood that Kevin and Delia are twins, and Muriel is their mother. I guess my biggest question is WHY?

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019

I've got to double-check where Kyle is. Originally I had that as Kevin's name. Thanks for catching that. I think it was done as a surprise for a couple reasons: one, Erick's dad was a high-profile senator who was anti-gays. He'd been living a lie with Delia and finally had to 'do the right thing' and marry the one he really loved, instead - her twin. Delia went along because she loves her brother and, ultimately, realized she couldn't have a happy life married to Erick. Their mom tried to let her husband in on it all, but he was too involved in everything but his home life.

reply by Stephanie Launiu on 20-Feb-2019

Your explanation made it all clear. Thank you!

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019

Sure.
I'm so sorry you went through this heart-wrenching scenario, though. I'm sending you warm thoughts tonight. xo

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Dear Anonymous Author,

I truly wish I had a real six for you, but all I can do is offer you a virtual one and my best wishes to you in the contest.

Your story had all the elements of a good piece of flash fiction. We aren't really sure what is going on until the last paragraph, but along the way, we are fed bread crumbs to tell the tale of how two people--Erick and Kevin--were able to have a huge wedding thanks to the generosity of a good friend.

I loved it,

~Mustang Patty~

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019

Thanks, Mustang Patty! I'll take both with enthusiastic appreciation. Your name is all over this site, plus I've read many of your pieces, which means you're a seasoned author. So a six from you means the world.

BTW -That "good friend" you mention in the story was Kevin's mom, Muriel, and his twin sister, Delia. Erick thanks them at the end when the reporter Kevin would like to say anything to his family and demurs to Erick to speak. (Now I'm worried I didn't make that clear enough in the text. Did I?...)

reply by Mustang Patty on 20-Feb-2019

You made it clear - it came through loud and clear. I just didn't want to be too obvious.

You did good!

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019

PHEW!!! I'm feeling better!