A true story about messed up dreams
I need so many things;66 total reviews
Comment from gramalot8
This is a great eye opening moment. So many times we feel like we need "all the things" in order to be happy. It is a great feeling when we have the revelation that there is more to life than just these material things. Good luck in the contest and thanks for sharing this with us.
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This is a great eye opening moment. So many times we feel like we need "all the things" in order to be happy. It is a great feeling when we have the revelation that there is more to life than just these material things. Good luck in the contest and thanks for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Malerie
Nicely done, I especially like "Finally I grasp my own pains..." Reminds me that many times we try to fill voids in our lives with things. Your last lines really brings this to light " I need so many things, bathing in light and the peace it brings." Well done, thanks for sharing.
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Nicely done, I especially like "Finally I grasp my own pains..." Reminds me that many times we try to fill voids in our lives with things. Your last lines really brings this to light " I need so many things, bathing in light and the peace it brings." Well done, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Jesus said, "What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" This is what you so eloquently express in your great poem. Good luck in the contest.
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Jesus said, "What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" This is what you so eloquently express in your great poem. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from mermaids
I like how this individual realizes she needs spiritual things not earthly things. There is a strong message in your words as the reader sees the change this person goes through. Excellent use of words.
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I like how this individual realizes she needs spiritual things not earthly things. There is a strong message in your words as the reader sees the change this person goes through. Excellent use of words.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Joe Grace II
Wonderful poem highlighting the need to break away from materialism, and the need for real connection to others and our souls.
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Wonderful poem highlighting the need to break away from materialism, and the need for real connection to others and our souls.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Wabigoon
I like this, particularly the repeated "I need so may things" line with its slow variation. This person has a hole in her, I wonder how it came to be there? I think, if I were writing the poem, I would focus on that. But you have focused on filling it. Nice job-- here is the one thing I noticed which might not be a mistake:
joyful dreams(s). An s too many, maybe.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
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I like this, particularly the repeated "I need so may things" line with its slow variation. This person has a hole in her, I wonder how it came to be there? I think, if I were writing the poem, I would focus on that. But you have focused on filling it. Nice job-- here is the one thing I noticed which might not be a mistake:
joyful dreams(s). An s too many, maybe.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Yvon
My first impression was oh wow! Desires for material things can get out of hand. The story has been often lived by many souls who eventually find peace. Nice to have friends you enjoy being with. Good luck in contest.
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My first impression was oh wow! Desires for material things can get out of hand. The story has been often lived by many souls who eventually find peace. Nice to have friends you enjoy being with. Good luck in contest.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author
I read your story/poem then read it once more and even with the mixed rhyming pattern; I see how well you wrote
the repetitive lines as a stand up poem and the stanzas stand alone..
Gert
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Hello author
I read your story/poem then read it once more and even with the mixed rhyming pattern; I see how well you wrote
the repetitive lines as a stand up poem and the stanzas stand alone..
Gert
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Rubylou
Hello,
I found this poem/prose very interesting. At some points, it has a hint of, "Santa Baby." The difference however, in your work, the speaker comes to realize truth of happiness does not come from material wealth but rather from true peace of the heart.
I like the repetitive lines each with a lesson that leads to true understanding.
(Please check the 5th one. I believe there is a typo.)
Rubylou
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Hello,
I found this poem/prose very interesting. At some points, it has a hint of, "Santa Baby." The difference however, in your work, the speaker comes to realize truth of happiness does not come from material wealth but rather from true peace of the heart.
I like the repetitive lines each with a lesson that leads to true understanding.
(Please check the 5th one. I believe there is a typo.)
Rubylou
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
Comment from Abby Wilson-hand
very nice writing I loved it
very much I give you a virtual
six much deserving
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very nice writing I loved it
very much I give you a virtual
six much deserving
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
