Ghostly nights.
A contest entry9 total reviews
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
I enjoyed every bit of this story, from beginning to end. The build up of mystery kept in me in suspense. I truly loved the marriage ceremony at the end with the seven ghosts in attendance.
I thought it interesting and fun that you explained the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery.
Extremely good writing :)
Thank you!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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I enjoyed every bit of this story, from beginning to end. The build up of mystery kept in me in suspense. I truly loved the marriage ceremony at the end with the seven ghosts in attendance.
I thought it interesting and fun that you explained the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery.
Extremely good writing :)
Thank you!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and your great comments.
Comment from Debbie Pope
I was totally engaged with every single word. This is an exciting story. You have let your imagination soar with this one, and I enjoyed the ride. I read the last few paragraphs several times. The newspaper writer was Ary? It was the hands going up that threw me for a second. Now that I read it again, it's clear. The reporter did not read the first name aloud because it was her name as well. That is a great twist to a well told tale.
Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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I was totally engaged with every single word. This is an exciting story. You have let your imagination soar with this one, and I enjoyed the ride. I read the last few paragraphs several times. The newspaper writer was Ary? It was the hands going up that threw me for a second. Now that I read it again, it's clear. The reporter did not read the first name aloud because it was her name as well. That is a great twist to a well told tale.
Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much Debbie for reading, reviewing and your kind comments. I really appreciated the good luck wishes.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
I get the nod and wink start but it does still sort of draw attention to the second cliched beginning of the story with more weather descriptions. lol
shards of lightening pierced - lightning rather than lightening here.
The first and to me the most important was that I met Fred - maybe insert commas either side of 'to me'.
There were tongue waggelins about someone- maybe try wagglings here?
being wrongful buried there - wrongfully?
wall desks, laptops and old fashion phones. - old-fashioned.
sorry, I got side tracked. Anyway,- side-tracked.
Anyway, Fred and I spent the first week and even part of the second coming up with a plan to complete the task - this is repetitive given it's mentioned a couple of paragraphs before.
and photo each tombstone. - photograph.
involved with another photo shot assignment. - shoot rather than shot here.
In the year, that has passed, we had successfully- first coma here is unnecessary.
Be careful with your adverb usage. Used sparingly they can add to a piece but too much detracts from the write and can expose a weakness in the verb choice.
everything was coated in a heavy fog like mist, - mist and fog are essentially the same thing. the difference is consistency/thickness with fog being heavier than mist. Therefore this doesn't really make sense.
, it brings us to the present time. It was Halloween- if it's the present time, it would be present tense after this statement.
I think if you go through this again and jot down how often you use was/were/had/that, you'd get a surprise. The story relies on their usage heavily. They slow the pace down and are indicative of telling over showing. You can make the write more direct and immersive by writing around them.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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hi there,
I get the nod and wink start but it does still sort of draw attention to the second cliched beginning of the story with more weather descriptions. lol
shards of lightening pierced - lightning rather than lightening here.
The first and to me the most important was that I met Fred - maybe insert commas either side of 'to me'.
There were tongue waggelins about someone- maybe try wagglings here?
being wrongful buried there - wrongfully?
wall desks, laptops and old fashion phones. - old-fashioned.
sorry, I got side tracked. Anyway,- side-tracked.
Anyway, Fred and I spent the first week and even part of the second coming up with a plan to complete the task - this is repetitive given it's mentioned a couple of paragraphs before.
and photo each tombstone. - photograph.
involved with another photo shot assignment. - shoot rather than shot here.
In the year, that has passed, we had successfully- first coma here is unnecessary.
Be careful with your adverb usage. Used sparingly they can add to a piece but too much detracts from the write and can expose a weakness in the verb choice.
everything was coated in a heavy fog like mist, - mist and fog are essentially the same thing. the difference is consistency/thickness with fog being heavier than mist. Therefore this doesn't really make sense.
, it brings us to the present time. It was Halloween- if it's the present time, it would be present tense after this statement.
I think if you go through this again and jot down how often you use was/were/had/that, you'd get a surprise. The story relies on their usage heavily. They slow the pace down and are indicative of telling over showing. You can make the write more direct and immersive by writing around them.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 15-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and your great suggestions, I will indeed look into them.
Comment from BeasPeas
Oh this story is such fun. I enjoyed the humorous little touches as you told it. Charming. Much luck in the contest with this terrific entry. So is your name really Arrabella? Very nice.
typo: "I excused myself from the alter (altar)."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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Oh this story is such fun. I enjoyed the humorous little touches as you told it. Charming. Much luck in the contest with this terrific entry. So is your name really Arrabella? Very nice.
typo: "I excused myself from the alter (altar)."
Marilyn
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much Marilyn for reading, reviewing and your kind comments. Thanks for catching that mistake. Oh heavens no my name is not Arrabella- I wish lol, it just seemed like a cute idea. Thanks for the good luck wishes.
Comment from Cindy Warren
I wish I could have been at that wedding! Imagine all the ghosts turning up and leaving their names. I'm sure Ary will do the right thing so they can all rest in peace. One small thing: alter should be altar. Alter means to change, as in to alter clothing.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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I wish I could have been at that wedding! Imagine all the ghosts turning up and leaving their names. I'm sure Ary will do the right thing so they can all rest in peace. One small thing: alter should be altar. Alter means to change, as in to alter clothing.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Thank you Cindy for reading, reviewing and your kind comments. I will fix that in a couple of minutes, thanks.
Comment from kiwijenny
Why would the story be done without photos? It seems that since Fred was a photographer that would be necessary..
I loved this I loved the benevolence of the ghosts...I loved that there was a good story about reporters....and this wasn't fake news ..just fiction
God bless
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Why would the story be done without photos? It seems that since Fred was a photographer that would be necessary..
I loved this I loved the benevolence of the ghosts...I loved that there was a good story about reporters....and this wasn't fake news ..just fiction
God bless
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Thank you Jenny for reading, reviewing and for your kind comments.
Comment from Rob Caudle
this was well done as a dialouge junkie i would have loved to see you work that in but your narritve style held my interest through out the piece well done and goood luck in the contest.
Rob
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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this was well done as a dialouge junkie i would have loved to see you work that in but your narritve style held my interest through out the piece well done and goood luck in the contest.
Rob
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much Rob for reading, reviewing and your kind comments. Your good luck wishes were appreciated.
Comment from Stephanie Launiu
You had me on the edge of my beat up old chair through this whole story. I usually avoid reading ghost stories because I'm a 'fraidy cat, but I was drawn to yours and glad I read it. First off, I never knew there was a difference between a graveyard and a cemetery. So thanks for clarifying that. The story was told so clearly and you had plenty of details to keep the reader interested. It was very touching to have the ghosts attending the wedding. I'm working on my family's genealogy, so this ghost story had a real moral to it for me: keep researching and remember those names were real people. Thank you and best of luck in the contest. I hope you win.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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You had me on the edge of my beat up old chair through this whole story. I usually avoid reading ghost stories because I'm a 'fraidy cat, but I was drawn to yours and glad I read it. First off, I never knew there was a difference between a graveyard and a cemetery. So thanks for clarifying that. The story was told so clearly and you had plenty of details to keep the reader interested. It was very touching to have the ghosts attending the wedding. I'm working on my family's genealogy, so this ghost story had a real moral to it for me: keep researching and remember those names were real people. Thank you and best of luck in the contest. I hope you win.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Thank you Stephanie for reading, reviewing and your great and kind comments. Your good luck wishes are really appreciated.
Comment from Raul1
An interesting story about the ghosts around the church and cemetery. I think that you did well with this write. I have enjoyed reading this piece. A very good work! Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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An interesting story about the ghosts around the church and cemetery. I think that you did well with this write. I have enjoyed reading this piece. A very good work! Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2019
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Thank you for reading, reviewing and your kind comments.
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You're welcome!