Without and Within
Remembering what my father means to me.12 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem about the wonderful qualities of a good loving father that will always be remembered by his children with joyful thoughts.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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A very well-written free verse poem about the wonderful qualities of a good loving father that will always be remembered by his children with joyful thoughts.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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Thanks for reviewing Sandra. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
These contest entries are beating me up this morning as I read through them all in order to vote. Yours is especially excellent, LisaMay. You brought tears to my eyes as I pictured you touching the urn (I liked your sardonic "now he's mere grit." I often choose sarcasm rather than pain, too) I'm going to bookcase this piece so I never lose track of it. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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These contest entries are beating me up this morning as I read through them all in order to vote. Yours is especially excellent, LisaMay. You brought tears to my eyes as I pictured you touching the urn (I liked your sardonic "now he's mere grit." I often choose sarcasm rather than pain, too) I'm going to bookcase this piece so I never lose track of it. Great job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
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It is a huge honour to me Rachelle that my personal piece brought tears to your eyes, and that you bookcased it. I tried to keep my poem simple instead of over-sentimentalised, and I thank you for noticing the sardonic phrase. I agree with you that a touch of sarcasm can be a better choice than pain.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, LisaMay
= This is such an excellent write.
= Rememberings one's dad is very special.
= Mine will be gone 21 years on St. Patrick's Day. Miss him as much now as back when it happened.
= Lovely entry. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers, J (*<*)
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Hi, LisaMay
= This is such an excellent write.
= Rememberings one's dad is very special.
= Mine will be gone 21 years on St. Patrick's Day. Miss him as much now as back when it happened.
= Lovely entry. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers, J (*<*)
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for the review. Writing is such a connector between people. You remember St Patrick's Day for your father, i remember 4th July for when my father passed in 1996... nice that they made a holiday for him! and your father was probably a saint in your eyes.
Comment from lyenochka
Great free verse which brings us into the memories of the father who has passed. The antique jar is more valuable because it contains the ashes of the father. And the narrator's memories adds value, too.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Great free verse which brings us into the memories of the father who has passed. The antique jar is more valuable because it contains the ashes of the father. And the narrator's memories adds value, too.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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I've just changed the word 'jar' to 'urn'. It sounds a bit more respectful instead of like a peanut butter jar.
Thanks for your review... you understand.
Comment from LIJ Red
Excellent response to a rather stingy, stringent prompt. It does not seem to matter if it's an urn or a moldy marble monument on a windswept hill, the memories will come.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Excellent response to a rather stingy, stringent prompt. It does not seem to matter if it's an urn or a moldy marble monument on a windswept hill, the memories will come.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Just the windswept hill will do it for me. Thanks for reviewing. You thought the prompt stingy and stringent...How so? You'd probably prefer prose I guess, but with it being a poem in any free verse form entrants could write as much as they liked... of course that weeds out those who like rhyme... so yes, I guess you are right, as emotions are so wide ranging across many expressions.
Comment from Mastery
Well done, Lisa.
"Memories of always and forever true grit.
Now he's mere grit in that antique jar -
ashes to ashes."
Emotions well shown. Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Well done, Lisa.
"Memories of always and forever true grit.
Now he's mere grit in that antique jar -
ashes to ashes."
Emotions well shown. Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thanks for your review Bob. Hard not to have a show of emotion when I had such a kind, loving, open father.
Comment from RodG
I can easily relate to this poem, Lisa, because my father's ashes are also in a jar (though buried now). I also felt his presence when "I ran my fingers over its face." I especially like your poignant final stanza. Rod
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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I can easily relate to this poem, Lisa, because my father's ashes are also in a jar (though buried now). I also felt his presence when "I ran my fingers over its face." I especially like your poignant final stanza. Rod
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thanks so much for your empathy in this nice review Rod.
Comment from JudyE
It isn't always easy to write about a loved one without the writing becoming sentimental and 'mushy' but this conveys a very real sense of a kindly father and of how much he is missed. It deserves to do well. Good luck.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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It isn't always easy to write about a loved one without the writing becoming sentimental and 'mushy' but this conveys a very real sense of a kindly father and of how much he is missed. It deserves to do well. Good luck.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thanks for reviewing my poem and your good wishes. I was conscious of not making the poem too sentimental (Dad wouldn't have approved of anything mushy... that's reserved for peas!)
Comment from Sugarray77
I love this verse. I can see the continue affection and respect you show your father... as you write about him... a wonderful memory to share with the reader. Good luck in the Free Verse Memories contest.
Melissa
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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I love this verse. I can see the continue affection and respect you show your father... as you write about him... a wonderful memory to share with the reader. Good luck in the Free Verse Memories contest.
Melissa
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the review Melissa. I am still very conscious of my bond with my father, even after 20 years has passed since he died.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I felt your emotion in these words Lisa, your poem is both sad and commemorative. I don't think you need the third line at the beginning, I would take it out, that's just my opinion, to me it seems unnecessary, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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I felt your emotion in these words Lisa, your poem is both sad and commemorative. I don't think you need the third line at the beginning, I would take it out, that's just my opinion, to me it seems unnecessary, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019
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Thanks for your comments Dolly. Is this the line you mean, the third one: "He is always there for me,"? I think it is necessary to leave it in because it means he is still with me in his jar, then that line is followed by "and was always there for me."... so the "is" and the "was" are linked across time past and present.
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I understand, love Dolly x
