Above the Widowing Peaks
5-7-5 poem11 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This 5-7-5, Above the Widowing Peaks, has the right set up and paints the picture with the sadness of loss along with the outward reaction of the inconsolable.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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This 5-7-5, Above the Widowing Peaks, has the right set up and paints the picture with the sadness of loss along with the outward reaction of the inconsolable.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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You have summed up what I aimed for in the poem very well Bill. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made effective use of every syllable in this beautiful, moving 5-7-5.
I love how you have treated the subject of death delicately through use of
personification and metaphor.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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You have made effective use of every syllable in this beautiful, moving 5-7-5.
I love how you have treated the subject of death delicately through use of
personification and metaphor.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much for this review... sounds like you understood it perfectly.
Comment from kiwijenny
This speaks of grief...mourning ...not morning.......widowing peaks...I imagine a mountain accident that went terribly wrong..rending garments was what Jews did in Bible Times....grief and sadness and helplessness signaled by that action Jacob did it when he thought Joseph had died
God bless
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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This speaks of grief...mourning ...not morning.......widowing peaks...I imagine a mountain accident that went terribly wrong..rending garments was what Jews did in Bible Times....grief and sadness and helplessness signaled by that action Jacob did it when he thought Joseph had died
God bless
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Yes, you are right about the mountaineering accident, a hazard of the NZ peaks. And I am glad you tapped in to that biblicall reference. Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from meeshu
this short poem is delightful. You have done a fine job with this, although the poem seems a little sad and the picture seems a little happy. good luck..
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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this short poem is delightful. You have done a fine job with this, although the poem seems a little sad and the picture seems a little happy. good luck..
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thanks for your review and comments. I agree with you about the mismatch of visual and verbal images. I posted it at short notice to enter a contest and did not have much time to source an image that is bleaker, more fitting to the tragic scenario. (The one I used is from an original painting I did myself.)
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you are an artist, stick with your picture. it's great.
Comment from royowen
An excellent entry in this 5/7/5 poetry prompt contest. The creation around us shines many a light on us, depending on the beauty, or lack thereof, great theme, good narrative, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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An excellent entry in this 5/7/5 poetry prompt contest. The creation around us shines many a light on us, depending on the beauty, or lack thereof, great theme, good narrative, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much for your review I am pleased that you liked it Roy. I spend a lot of time outdoors and I have many mental images from the beauty of nature.
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Well done
Comment from angel123
Your poem is profound and worthy of winning the prize. I'm inspired by your meaningful message. Your imagination manifested a work of art. I had to read it about three times and then the light went on. Best wishes!
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Your poem is profound and worthy of winning the prize. I'm inspired by your meaningful message. Your imagination manifested a work of art. I had to read it about three times and then the light went on. Best wishes!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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I am pleased that you had to work at understanding my poem... I did not want it to be an "easy" poem. And as you have had such a positive response to it, it must have been worth the effort! And i sure do appreciate those 6 stars!!
Comment from 24chas
This was a good write. I really liked the use of the word mourning to go with the overall theme of the piece. Good luck in the contest whoever you are.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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This was a good write. I really liked the use of the word mourning to go with the overall theme of the piece. Good luck in the contest whoever you are.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you vey much for your positive response to my poem. I was trying to make it "deep and meaningful" and was a bit worried I might have made it too obscure.
Comment from Cole King
I really love this poem! I like the reference to people mourning by tearing their clothes. This poem is set up extremely well by each line. One small edit I would make would be to change the word "garment" to "raiment". It would serve as alliteration for the word "rending" in the same line and it is also an older word that would fit with the older tradition of tearing clothes when mourning.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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I really love this poem! I like the reference to people mourning by tearing their clothes. This poem is set up extremely well by each line. One small edit I would make would be to change the word "garment" to "raiment". It would serve as alliteration for the word "rending" in the same line and it is also an older word that would fit with the older tradition of tearing clothes when mourning.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much for this review and especially for the six stars.
I agree with you that 'raiment' is a better word choice, on both counts: alliteration and historic tradition.
However, I won't change it right now as the contest vote is happening and i am not sure if it is ok to change something at such a late stage. (I am new to FS). Maybe another slight misgiving is that because it is an older word, maybe some people might not know what "raiments" are but they will know what "garments" are.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A clever write filled with imagery of dark clouds and an vivid view as nature can sometimes be profoundly austere, I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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A clever write filled with imagery of dark clouds and an vivid view as nature can sometimes be profoundly austere, I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thanks for your comments Dolly. A lot of mountaineers die in NZ, thus leaving widows... our peaks are very challenging.
Comment from Jennifer Carr
This is a great example of a 5-7-5. Well written. I like the picture and the language that you chose is strong. :) I like the sombre clouds... great job
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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This is a great example of a 5-7-5. Well written. I like the picture and the language that you chose is strong. :) I like the sombre clouds... great job
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thanks for your encouraging review and comments... so glad you liked it.