What Makes a Home?
(Don't forget the garden gnome)9 total reviews
Comment from Chris Davies
Wonderful story poem with a great twist. Loved your humor and the garden gnome was a nice addition. Sounds like a nice family. Good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2019
  |
Wonderful story poem with a great twist. Loved your humor and the garden gnome was a nice addition. Sounds like a nice family. Good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2019
-
Thanks so much for your review and good wishes Chris. I enjoyed writing that dark twist... so glad things turned out ok for that lovely family.
Comment from Michele Harber
This is so sweet. I could feel the familial closeness in every line. Your descriptions painted detailed pictures of your parents and sister, and how you feel about each. I enjoyed the humor at the end where you mislead the reader and then brought him back to your idyllic truth. The addition of the garden gnome to the listing of family members was inspired, and truly added to the homey and very personal scene you established. You rhymes worked well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2019
|
This is so sweet. I could feel the familial closeness in every line. Your descriptions painted detailed pictures of your parents and sister, and how you feel about each. I enjoyed the humor at the end where you mislead the reader and then brought him back to your idyllic truth. The addition of the garden gnome to the listing of family members was inspired, and truly added to the homey and very personal scene you established. You rhymes worked well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2019
-
Thanks so much for your detailed review Michele. You mention that the addition of the garden gnome was inspired... it's like it truly was, because I went to bed thinking the poem was finished, then in the morning had to modify it because I'd had a sudden insight that it needed the gnome! Thanks for your good wishes.
-
You're very welcome, and that garden gnome did add just the touch the poem needed.
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a humorous pack of lies we are led to believe as these sestets in rhyming couplets roll out a tale of woe in a common variation of anapaestic metre, that is maintained well throughout the poem.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
|
This is a humorous pack of lies we are led to believe as these sestets in rhyming couplets roll out a tale of woe in a common variation of anapaestic metre, that is maintained well throughout the poem.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
-
I did have fun making up this mythical family. Thanks for giving me the poetry terms to describe my style of writing, as I am pretty much a raw amateur.
Comment from rspoet
That's quite a story in your poem entry for the contest
written in excellent rhymed pairs
Nice turn around in the last stanza
the fail wasn't very believable, though probably true for some
How could the family fail when protected by the gnome?
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
|
That's quite a story in your poem entry for the contest
written in excellent rhymed pairs
Nice turn around in the last stanza
the fail wasn't very believable, though probably true for some
How could the family fail when protected by the gnome?
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
-
I am pleased that you gave the gnome credit.
Thanks for your kind review and observations.
Comment from RodG
This story poem gives us a wonderful glimpse of this family who may not have much in worldly goods (except that gnome) but have each other. I especially like your depiction of Mom. And the narrator definitely has Pa's imagination. Rod
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
|
This story poem gives us a wonderful glimpse of this family who may not have much in worldly goods (except that gnome) but have each other. I especially like your depiction of Mom. And the narrator definitely has Pa's imagination. Rod
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
-
Thanks for your review comments.
Yep, that Mum and Dad are a complementary couple... she does the work, and he is a dreamer (that's why they are poor because reading books and writing songs not very lucrative).
Comment from Mustang Patty
Dear Anonymous Poet,
Such a delightful story told within the lines of your well-written poetry! It doesn't matter if it's true or not - but I'm glad you have a home full of grandchildren and a garden gnome.
Good luck to you in the contest!
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
|
Dear Anonymous Poet,
Such a delightful story told within the lines of your well-written poetry! It doesn't matter if it's true or not - but I'm glad you have a home full of grandchildren and a garden gnome.
Good luck to you in the contest!
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
-
It was sounding somewhat schmaltzy goody-goody, so I threw in that stanza with terrible things happening to that lovely family. I'm glad it all worked out OK for them in the end! Ah, the power of invention.
Comment from Scarbrems
Ha, ha, I really loved this. Truly a story in a poem. It's a lovely, easy read, bobbing along cheerfully through a life, which I'm glad didn't really have such an 'epic fail'. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
|
Ha, ha, I really loved this. Truly a story in a poem. It's a lovely, easy read, bobbing along cheerfully through a life, which I'm glad didn't really have such an 'epic fail'. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
-
I'm glad you had such a nice response to my poem... I had fun writing it. Your description of it "bobbing along cheerfully" fits perfectly what I was hoping to achieve. Thank you very much.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fun write about garden gnomes, if you could apply a syllable count and weed out the unwanted words, this poem would flow much more smoothly, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
|
A fun write about garden gnomes, if you could apply a syllable count and weed out the unwanted words, this poem would flow much more smoothly, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
-
Thanks for your advice Dolly.. I will revisit the poem, although i kind of wanted it to sound like a kid had written it.
Thanks for your good wishes re contest.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written humorous story/poem. Most people can somehow relate to these conditions prescribed. We cannot all live in mansions, but I certainly prefer a happy home than a home where only hate is holding up the pretences.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
|
A very well-written humorous story/poem. Most people can somehow relate to these conditions prescribed. We cannot all live in mansions, but I certainly prefer a happy home than a home where only hate is holding up the pretences.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
-
Thanks for you kind review. A loving home seems a rarity in too many families these days unfortunately.
