Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

This is so cute and has much appeal for the kiddies and us big kids at heart. And I absolutely loved the surprise ending. What a hoot, hahaha. This was so much fun to read. Hugs, Lou

 Comment Written 29-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019

What a lovely response to my silly poem. It was such fun to write so I'm glad it gave you a hoot too, Louise.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written story/poem about the rescue by a whale. The story is told in a humorous way and we do not take the dangerous very seriously of the child alone in the ocean.

 Comment Written 29-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019

Thanks Sandra. I did not want to put children off going for a swim, although i did want to alert them to the dangers of sunburn and riptides (and to listen to their parents).

Comment from trimple

Excellent

Good morning, Lisa

Thank you for entering my competition.

As I am the sponsor I get to see who the writers are :)

I very much enjoyed your tale with a whale at sea. It has a playfulness about it that would lend itself well to a children's poem.

The ending with aunty was a cracker.

I wish you luck in the competition, my friend.

take care

much love

tracey

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019

Hi Tracey,
As it so happens, I am busy writing a collection of child-related poems with a view to putting a little book together with some wacky illustrations. I imagine i might need about 20 poems and I only have written 6 so far.
I saw your name as organiser for this comp... good on you. What is actually involved when someone runs a competition?
Thanks for your review too. xx

reply by trimple on 28-Jan-2019

Good evening, Lisa

You're most welcome.

I enjoyed your poem very much. It's light-hearted and gorgeous for children. My entry is rather more sombre lol

With regards to compiling a book for children, I see that you have a natural gift for this style :)


Regards the contests. What most of us do here, is have the committee look at all the entries to ensure that the authors adhere to the rules laid out by the sponsor. It costs 3 funny money to set up a competition.


kind regards

tracey

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019

...And the point of setting up a competition that costs you funny money to do it is? Perhaps to encourage entries in a topic that hasn't been done lately? or to enter something that the organiser considers she/he has done a good entry for?

reply by trimple on 28-Jan-2019

I can only speak for myself here...

Many of the competitions are not to my personal taste. For example:

Spiritual poetry
Love poems
and many styles of poetry that I am not particularly fond of.

I like, for example, Shakespearean sonnets/haiku/senryu/abecadarian/acrostic poetry and my favorite of all, story poems.

So yeah, I write a poem that I think will have a fair chance and set-up a competition.

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019

Aha.. that makes perfect sense. I haven't read the story poem entries yet... will find a chunk of time and do it. I've just come home from a photographic society meeting.

reply by trimple on 28-Jan-2019

:)

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Hello Mystery Poet,

This is a fun story poem :) I enjoyed it being told by one of the children. Such fun and imagination to have a whale show up. Though I don't think I'd like one of my little relatives called me the whale on the beach lol!

In Mexico we were not allowed to use suntan lotions when swimming in the ocean. They were concerned about protecting the coral and marine life.

Best wishes in the contest.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019

Thanks for your review Joy. Maybe the kid had water in his eyes and it magnified the size of his auntie?
Good point about the suntan lotion damaging the ecosystem. I guess they figure in Australia and NZ the sun is so damaging it's a good idea to protect the humans. And the population is smaller, so fewer people are in the sea swimming.
I do know that in NZ, backcountry hikers are urged not to use soap in streams.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Cute poem, a great entry for the Story Poem contest.
Some good internal rhyme in each line and some inventive rhyme pairings as well.
Of course, we ALL know that whales can sing but I have yet to hear one speak, lol.

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019

Thanks for your comments Dean. (Was your ex-wife mute?)

reply by Dean Kuch on 27-Jan-2019

Again, I refuse to answer the question on the grounds that it may incriminate me.
You're very welcome. :)

Comment from LaFrance

Exceptional

I really enjoyed reading your poem. Its rhyme and rhythm made it a fun and easy read. What I liked most was the storyline of the day at the beach. I never encounter a whale, but the waves bring back memories.

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019

Woohoo!! Thanks you so much for the 6 rating. I am so glad that you liked it, as I enjoyed writing it and having fun inventing what was going to happen to the children.

Comment from meeshu

Excellent

Your writing is smooth and the language is colorful. great ending and I love the internal rhymes. I enjoyed reading this writing so much. it has such good rhythm..

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019

I am so pleased that you enjoyed my poem. I was delighted when halfway through the poem I realised i hadn't given Aunt Matilda any role, so I decided to make her the heroine of the piece.

Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

Your story in a poem about an eventful day at the beach is good for a laugh and ends up in a most unexpected way. I enjoyed the exaggerated ending.

I think the poem could be polished up a bit with a little more attention to regular meter but the rhymes are strong and the internal rhyme makes this fun to read as well.

Steve

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019

Thanks Steve I'm pleased you enjoyed it. I kept it a wee bit rough so it wouldn't be too polished, like a kid might have written it, but maybe it would read better with being regular.

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Excellent

What a very fun and delightfully written offering for this contest -- just love the rhythm you establish to carry the reader through your story to that quirky little ending! :) Great job! :) Thank you for sharing and best of luck at the polls! :)

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019

Thanks for your review... I'm glad you enjoyed the fun ride. It started out going to be an entirely different day at the beach but once I got into that rhythm it started to beg for a different direction... I got carried off on a wave of possibility.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

This is a fun write that children would enjoy! Having a ride on a whale sounds good if he isn't swimming too fast! I enjoyed your story in a poem, love Dolly x

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019

I think I'd prefer a ride on a dolphin, a bit less scarey.
Thanks for reviewing it Dolly.