Gun For Hire
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Unexpected stop"First the war...the marshal
2 total reviews
Comment from country ranch writer
A Gallant RESCUE OF THE BOY AND GLAD HE STUCK AROUND TO HER THEM IN THEIR TIME OF NEED FOR IT WAS A BIT MUCH FOR A YOUNG CHILD TO HANDLE ALL BY HIMSELF.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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A Gallant RESCUE OF THE BOY AND GLAD HE STUCK AROUND TO HER THEM IN THEIR TIME OF NEED FOR IT WAS A BIT MUCH FOR A YOUNG CHILD TO HANDLE ALL BY HIMSELF.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your excellent rating and your kind comments. Thank you, Catherin.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there,
You did a good job of phonetically portraying this dialect. Whenever you tell a story with a lot of dialogue, it is important that the narrative be clear and concise. The reader will be distracted enough by trying to puzzle out what the characters are saying.
a few notes:
'...dress holding ashot gun shotgun steps...' Always use the compound form of the word when there is one.
'...in thewood pile and even less to cut.' Same thing as the previous note.
'With the sundesending descending on the western horizon+, In a piece where you are purposely misspelling words to show a certain dialect, you need to have all the other narrative free of spelling errors. You need a comma after this introductory phrase.
'Gazing into + the depth of the ebony night she is quiet, unmoving I doubt she will reply.' Missing the article 'the' in this sentence.
'Staying in the pines+, I stayed away from other rebs and yanks roaming the countryside. Need the comma after the introductory phrase 'staying in the pines.'
'Grinning with pride+, I reply,' Same as the previous note.
One of the things I tell my students in creative writing is to read the piece OUT LOUD in your first edit. Sometimes you can hear the errors in grammar. Next, I recommend the use of a good style guide. The text I use in my class is 'Elements of Style 2017.' My students enjoy the way it is laid out, and in an easy to read style.
I hope my notes are helpful.
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
 |
Hi there,
You did a good job of phonetically portraying this dialect. Whenever you tell a story with a lot of dialogue, it is important that the narrative be clear and concise. The reader will be distracted enough by trying to puzzle out what the characters are saying.
a few notes:
'...dress holding a
'...in the
'With the sun
'Gazing into + the depth of the ebony night she is quiet, unmoving I doubt she will reply.' Missing the article 'the' in this sentence.
'Staying in the pines+, I stayed away from other rebs and yanks roaming the countryside. Need the comma after the introductory phrase 'staying in the pines.'
'Grinning with pride+, I reply,' Same as the previous note.
One of the things I tell my students in creative writing is to read the piece OUT LOUD in your first edit. Sometimes you can hear the errors in grammar. Next, I recommend the use of a good style guide. The text I use in my class is 'Elements of Style 2017.' My students enjoy the way it is laid out, and in an easy to read style.
I hope my notes are helpful.
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 25-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your constructive review. I always look for ways to improve my creative endeavors. Catherin
