Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 112 "Chapter Veirunddreissig part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
18 total reviews
Comment from BigPoppaJrock
Great read, it grabbed and kept my attention until the end. I just joined back to the site and not having any background I was still able to follow. Great interaction between the characters. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
  |
Great read, it grabbed and kept my attention until the end. I just joined back to the site and not having any background I was still able to follow. Great interaction between the characters. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the review. I hope you stay around.
Comment from SLMorrical
This flows well from the last chapter. I thought it was great that Drew's parents told Shana how they met so she would feel like her and Drew had a chance. I think Drew is so much in love with her, he will find her painting and be able to calm things down. I think it's great that Drew's parents like her. Well done again.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
 |
This flows well from the last chapter. I thought it was great that Drew's parents told Shana how they met so she would feel like her and Drew had a chance. I think Drew is so much in love with her, he will find her painting and be able to calm things down. I think it's great that Drew's parents like her. Well done again.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from apky
First, he hugged(delete-,) Shana.
After she nodded, he petted( to avoid repeating the word again in "pets", change this to "fondled" or any other word of your choice. Otherwise change the "pets" to "dogs" or whatever pets they were) the pets before he continued
Barbara, here's preachy Aki on the loose again.
You left the last chapter at a super tension, with that explosion sounding; not just some noise but an explosion. Then you open the next still on the same tension: Michael and Jeff jump up and they're followed by Drew. Now, you have to deliver, dear writer. The reader wants to experience that explosion, they want to see the men who jumped up deal with it in whatever way. You can't fob the reader off with a mild and thoroughly inappropriate "Moments later, Michael and Anderson..."
And where do Hannah and Sarah suddenly enter the scene, are they hear enough to hear it when "the hot spots were simultaneously hit"?
And then the pentouse is hit too...
They can cause causalities(?) within a one hundred-thirty meter radius and a kill radius of five meters
He patted a handgun in this(?) back waist band.
before her dad would allow me (to) take her on a date."
Lastly, I admired how you brought Susan in to tell Shana about herself and Michael.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2019
|
First, he hugged(delete-,) Shana.
After she nodded, he petted( to avoid repeating the word again in "pets", change this to "fondled" or any other word of your choice. Otherwise change the "pets" to "dogs" or whatever pets they were) the pets before he continued
Barbara, here's preachy Aki on the loose again.
You left the last chapter at a super tension, with that explosion sounding; not just some noise but an explosion. Then you open the next still on the same tension: Michael and Jeff jump up and they're followed by Drew. Now, you have to deliver, dear writer. The reader wants to experience that explosion, they want to see the men who jumped up deal with it in whatever way. You can't fob the reader off with a mild and thoroughly inappropriate "Moments later, Michael and Anderson..."
And where do Hannah and Sarah suddenly enter the scene, are they hear enough to hear it when "the hot spots were simultaneously hit"?
And then the pentouse is hit too...
They can cause causalities(?) within a one hundred-thirty meter radius and a kill radius of five meters
He patted a handgun in this(?) back waist band.
before her dad would allow me (to) take her on a date."
Lastly, I admired how you brought Susan in to tell Shana about herself and Michael.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2019
-
I appreciate the help and have made most of the changes. The explosion...we need to know it exists but other than that it doesn't move the story along so I didn't spend time on it. Susan and Shana's talk will move the story along.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
I love how Susan and Michael are so accepting of Shana and truly want to help her decide on the decision between love and faith. I still think it can all win out; perhaps because I have so many friends who have interfaith marriages that work.
I'm glad you had Shana and Susan demand to know what Drew was talking about and state it in plain English. (It helped me put things in perspective.)
Another great chapter and I can't wait to see what happens next,
~patty~
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
|
Hi, Barbara,
I love how Susan and Michael are so accepting of Shana and truly want to help her decide on the decision between love and faith. I still think it can all win out; perhaps because I have so many friends who have interfaith marriages that work.
I'm glad you had Shana and Susan demand to know what Drew was talking about and state it in plain English. (It helped me put things in perspective.)
Another great chapter and I can't wait to see what happens next,
~patty~
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is so true, Barbara. My mother had that problem, but my dad's parents thought my mum was no where near good enough for my dad. They proved them wrong in many ways, but would never admit it. My grandmother was the worst.
This was a nice way to get to know more about Drew's family, let's hope it sinks in. Just one little possible nit below. Well done, my friend, excellent part. :)) Sandra xx
At least so far? (do you need the question mark?)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
|
That is so true, Barbara. My mother had that problem, but my dad's parents thought my mum was no where near good enough for my dad. They proved them wrong in many ways, but would never admit it. My grandmother was the worst.
This was a nice way to get to know more about Drew's family, let's hope it sinks in. Just one little possible nit below. Well done, my friend, excellent part. :)) Sandra xx
At least so far? (do you need the question mark?)
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review and I'll check that area.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
The similarities are there to be seen, although the whole religion thing can be a minefield - same as it is where I come from. Another good continuation.
Susan and Shana remained seated and stared. - at who or what?
Shortly, Anderson joined them. First, he hugged, Shana. - you don't need the second comma here.
At least so far? I haven't figured why. It doesn't make sense." - not sure you need the question mark in here. Felt more like a statement than a question.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2019
|
Hi Barbara,
The similarities are there to be seen, although the whole religion thing can be a minefield - same as it is where I come from. Another good continuation.
Susan and Shana remained seated and stared. - at who or what?
Shortly, Anderson joined them. First, he hugged, Shana. - you don't need the second comma here.
At least so far? I haven't figured why. It doesn't make sense." - not sure you need the question mark in here. Felt more like a statement than a question.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2019
-
I have made the changes. Thank you.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Despite the clear and ever present danger(s), you deftly inject family dynamics (having to ask the father for permission -- to Susan taking Shana's hand) into the story. One feels the deep, binding camaraderie your character's share, which, in turn makes their bonds all the more stronger. Your ability to focus on your characters, showing they take time to discuss personal matters, in my opinion, shows their trust and belief in one another's judgement and abilities. Well done!
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
|
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Despite the clear and ever present danger(s), you deftly inject family dynamics (having to ask the father for permission -- to Susan taking Shana's hand) into the story. One feels the deep, binding camaraderie your character's share, which, in turn makes their bonds all the more stronger. Your ability to focus on your characters, showing they take time to discuss personal matters, in my opinion, shows their trust and belief in one another's judgement and abilities. Well done!
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from TheStoryMan
A very interesting and well written chapter. Only thing I noticed was you typed in this back waist band...I think you mean in his back waist band. Otherwise a great chapter,
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
|
A very interesting and well written chapter. Only thing I noticed was you typed in this back waist band...I think you mean in his back waist band. Otherwise a great chapter,
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the catch. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I'm confused about Michael. What language does he speak? Don't tell me he's Jewish too. His son seems very non-Jewish though. So he can't be, or Shana's dad would have no problems with Drew. Help. I am really confused here!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
|
I'm confused about Michael. What language does he speak? Don't tell me he's Jewish too. His son seems very non-Jewish though. So he can't be, or Shana's dad would have no problems with Drew. Help. I am really confused here!
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Michael isn't Jewish. He's all American, but from old money, remember the story Drew told a long time ago about how his family got the money????
-
Then why did he have to translate. Who was speaking a diff language?
I knew he was English... just didn't understand the reference to a diff language.
Comment from judiverse
There seems to be an all-out assault on the house, as well as on the penthouse. Fortunately no one has been hurt, and Emily is safe. Hope they'll make sense of what's going on. It seems like drew and his family are being targeted. Very exciting stuff. Drew's making sure Shana's safe. Susan and Michael's story must have taken Shana's mind off concerns about Drew's safety for a while. Story shows that financial situation isn't of importance when it comes to love. Great story. At the beginning, you want the past tense jumped to be in line with the rest of the story. judi
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
|
There seems to be an all-out assault on the house, as well as on the penthouse. Fortunately no one has been hurt, and Emily is safe. Hope they'll make sense of what's going on. It seems like drew and his family are being targeted. Very exciting stuff. Drew's making sure Shana's safe. Susan and Michael's story must have taken Shana's mind off concerns about Drew's safety for a while. Story shows that financial situation isn't of importance when it comes to love. Great story. At the beginning, you want the past tense jumped to be in line with the rest of the story. judi
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
-
I will fix that tense issue. Thank you for pointing it out.