Comment from trimple

Excellent

Good evening, Steve.

Congratulations with your win with this short but rather powerful poem.

The poem could be open to a few interpretations. Wars/climate change and so on.

Thanks for the author's notes.

kind regards

tracey

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 01-Feb-2019

Hi, Tracey.

Thanks for the kind words and thoughtful review.

Steve

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Congrats on the win Steve for your 5-7-5 poem. After reading your notes, you can see the double meaning particularly in the centre line.
Well thought out,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2019

Thanks, Valda. It was a pleasant surprise to receive a win for this. Now I am aiming for #2!

Steve

Comment from Debbie Pope

Excellent

Congratulations on your win! This is a worthy poem. I particularly like your use of hush as the introductory word and your use of battalions to set the stage. World trembling is great as well.
Simply put, this is just well done.

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thanks, Debbie - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

What a clear and ominous poetic description of a storm. I love the battalions metaphor for storm clouds.

Congrats on winning the contest.

Keep writing

Joan

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thanks, Joan. A most pleasant surprise to win one of these contests with my first post of the year. I'm trying to keep the record up now with my second post. Take a read, I promise you'll get a laugh!

Steve

reply by dragonpoet on 14-Jan-2019

No problem, Steve. I'll check it out.

Joan

Comment from Chrissy710

Exceptional

Hi Steve, Congratulations on winning this contest I like your 5-7-5 it has depth and food for thought. Lets hope the deluge is minimal,worrying times at the moment as it could come from many sources However I am going to enjoy my life come what may Cheers Christine

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thanks, Christine. Yes, I had that stuff on my mind, but hopefully we're insulated from it here in NZ I think about it, but I'm still happy to live in the moment.

Steve

Comment from Contests

A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019

Thank you!

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Nice image and presentation, Steve.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-A good poem for the contest.
-Effective imagery that creates
the dark mood.
-I like your verb choices
in lines one and two.
-The metaphor for the condition
of the world and the deluge is very good.
-Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019

Thanks, Pam. A little gloomy I suppose, but sometimes I thank my lucky stars we are tucked away in little old New Zealand, far away from the lunacy that goes on in the rest of the world!

Steve

reply by Pam (respa) on 12-Jan-2019

You are very welcome, Steve. I thought lunacy was worldwide! But it is all what you make of it; all we can do is hope for more sanity in the world.

Comment from Six-Star Writer

Excellent

The "dark battalions" dud it for me. I enjoy implied personification. The sky that the sky is a military force on the verge of attacking mankind is a cool image.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019

Thank you, I think. I'm hoping 'dud' is a typo!

Steve

reply by Six-Star Writer on 12-Jan-2019

Yes, a typo. Sorry.

Comment from Adri7enne

Exceptional

Do you think that Trump believes the world will be plunged into disaster when he is gone? His ego is large enough to believe that, I don't doubt. He attracts madness. Maybe he's led the world into a maze from which it will be difficult to extract itself. The madness might linger, even after he is gone. Good luck in the contest, Steve.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019

Oh, yes, the man is nothing but ego. I have no doubt that the US will be living down this presidency for decades. Some good may come of it eventually, but they need to end the madness sooner rather than later.

Thanks for the great review and the six shiny stars.

Steve

Comment from LisaMay

Excellent

Great 5-7-5 Steve. Very effective. I always look for metaphors and secondary meanings in brief poems... therein lies the true skill. Thank you for explaining the king's quotation that you have alluded to. I am a new member to FanStory and am quickly seeing that it is a good platform to learn from other more experienced writers such as yourself.
I hope you first book of poems on Amazon is a resounding success!

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019

Thank you, LM.
Yes, it's a great site - you will encounter the good, the bad and the ugly here, but there is a lot of value in being 'forced' to read lots of poems/stories and actually think about them.

Sorry, my profile notes are a little old - the book came out early last year. Sold a few and then died - a typical fate for poetry books. I'm actually working on another right now, 'Forty-Four Fabulous Funnies'

Steve

reply by LisaMay on 12-Jan-2019

Yeah, I've heard that poetry doesn't sell. That's a pity. So best of luck with your fabulous funnies. Surely people will be attracted to humour.