I've Arrived
... How do you like me now87 total reviews
Comment from Adam Bartlett
Great work! The poem flows very smoothly and is very readable. It evokes vivid images and takes you back to a simpler time.
The only reason I gave you four stars is that I would revise the "poor Mom and her unrealistic dream" line. "Unrealistic" is five syllables and kind of throws off the rhythm and flow of the poem. I think it could be quickly improved by replacing "unrealistic" with "silly" or "crazy". A simple word would also make it sound more childlike, fitting with the tone of the poem.
Good luck in the contest, though! This should do well.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
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Great work! The poem flows very smoothly and is very readable. It evokes vivid images and takes you back to a simpler time.
The only reason I gave you four stars is that I would revise the "poor Mom and her unrealistic dream" line. "Unrealistic" is five syllables and kind of throws off the rhythm and flow of the poem. I think it could be quickly improved by replacing "unrealistic" with "silly" or "crazy". A simple word would also make it sound more childlike, fitting with the tone of the poem.
Good luck in the contest, though! This should do well.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
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Thanks so much I agree with you... the poor didn't work... I would love it if you would give a second read... yours, diana
Comment from Mastery
Wow! Just Wow! This is real poetry, my friend. I love every single line of it. Rare. I especially liked the way you ended it all. very clever and true to life itself. Bravo! Bob
I will be willing to bet you will win with this poetry in the contest. :)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Wow! Just Wow! This is real poetry, my friend. I love every single line of it. Rare. I especially liked the way you ended it all. very clever and true to life itself. Bravo! Bob
I will be willing to bet you will win with this poetry in the contest. :)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Mastery what a joy to find you here... I'm am truly honored for your blanket of stars and grateful for your thoughts... thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
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:) Bob
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Mystery Author!
What a sweet and memorable poem for the "When Life Was Still Fun" contest prompt. Rich in visual imagery, and the last line is ever so true that "Life's thorns would wait." Oh, to be that young and carefree again! Also smiled when I read the "tomboy" reference: that was me totally!
Rhymes are strong and lines flow well!
Best Wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Hello Mystery Author!
What a sweet and memorable poem for the "When Life Was Still Fun" contest prompt. Rich in visual imagery, and the last line is ever so true that "Life's thorns would wait." Oh, to be that young and carefree again! Also smiled when I read the "tomboy" reference: that was me totally!
Rhymes are strong and lines flow well!
Best Wishes!
diane
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a new contest idea and I would say you have risen very well to the challenge. There is an element of rhyme, or rather, assonance, in the second lines of these couplets that come grouped in fours twice and twos once, if that makes sense, which I think it does. I keptr wondering whether that final line should actually be there as part of the poem or whether it would be better off in an explanatory note.
You see, I think we get the point without the explanation and the poem would be 'stronger' without it. That's just my opinion.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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This is a new contest idea and I would say you have risen very well to the challenge. There is an element of rhyme, or rather, assonance, in the second lines of these couplets that come grouped in fours twice and twos once, if that makes sense, which I think it does. I keptr wondering whether that final line should actually be there as part of the poem or whether it would be better off in an explanatory note.
You see, I think we get the point without the explanation and the poem would be 'stronger' without it. That's just my opinion.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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This was a great review and helpful thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from Dawn Munro
Aww, LOL! "Life's thorns would wait."
'Perspectives'
a poem by Dawn
I was going to write my poem here, as your review, but instead I'll just say it -- your poem inspires. It's a walk down memory lane for me, but more, it is a poignant reminder of how things should really be...
Well done, Diana.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Aww, LOL! "Life's thorns would wait."
'Perspectives'
a poem by Dawn
I was going to write my poem here, as your review, but instead I'll just say it -- your poem inspires. It's a walk down memory lane for me, but more, it is a poignant reminder of how things should really be...
Well done, Diana.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
These moments in time are to treasure and to savour for the memories of the future, as you say, live in the moment and laf's thorns can wait, a pleasure to read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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These moments in time are to treasure and to savour for the memories of the future, as you say, live in the moment and laf's thorns can wait, a pleasure to read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from mmonaghan777
Ah! Perfect moral at the end! Great rhyming with the thoughts of the child as she went through the garden. I could see where she was heading which I thought might have been a mud puddle but between the roses and lunch a great ending.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Ah! Perfect moral at the end! Great rhyming with the thoughts of the child as she went through the garden. I could see where she was heading which I thought might have been a mud puddle but between the roses and lunch a great ending.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from TPAC
I found this a charming read, given composition strong and well presented, delighting adventure of a young girl freed in nature. I too have similar account touching of my past as well. All in my opinion of this write.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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I found this a charming read, given composition strong and well presented, delighting adventure of a young girl freed in nature. I too have similar account touching of my past as well. All in my opinion of this write.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the time life was fun and we did not have a care in the world. Although we tried to stay clean for Mom's sake it was just one of those things we could not control.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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A very well-written poem about the time life was fun and we did not have a care in the world. Although we tried to stay clean for Mom's sake it was just one of those things we could not control.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from melodymavic
Beautiful. Sounds like a kid who went for a stroll in the garden. Looking at the scenery and assume she's daydreaming. The moment she heard lunch, that's a wake up call. Back to reality. Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Beautiful. Sounds like a kid who went for a stroll in the garden. Looking at the scenery and assume she's daydreaming. The moment she heard lunch, that's a wake up call. Back to reality. Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
