Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Companion of the Cold Blooded"Flash Fiction
16 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
Hi Gregory, buy a ring at a pawn shop...and well...what to you want...love and Roses...but on the other hand...if you TRULY love each other...and you were short funds...I guess a band off a cigar wrapper would be perfect as well...sigh...very well written sweet guy...love your story told...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Hi Gregory, buy a ring at a pawn shop...and well...what to you want...love and Roses...but on the other hand...if you TRULY love each other...and you were short funds...I guess a band off a cigar wrapper would be perfect as well...sigh...very well written sweet guy...love your story told...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 30-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thank you!
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sooooo welcome...xxoo love
Comment from Artasylum
Ouch... this is an extremely horrible situation to wake up to now, isn't it? Good luck in the Dribble Flash Fiction contest entry... Hopefully that never happens again...
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Ouch... this is an extremely horrible situation to wake up to now, isn't it? Good luck in the Dribble Flash Fiction contest entry... Hopefully that never happens again...
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Haha thank you!!
Comment from Jason A. Kilgore
I'm assuming, due to the last paragraph, that this is the speaker's wife and that she's got really, really dry skin. And she snores. lol So I got a little chuckle. Either that, or he married an alligator.
However, I'm not sure the italicized portion at the end is necessary, for it doesn't seem to add anything to the humorous scene painted in the first paragraph. Maybe end after the ellipsis?
Oh, and maybe "shredded" isn't the best word, as I pictured actually ripped to pieces. I think you might mean "crumpled?"
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2019
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I'm assuming, due to the last paragraph, that this is the speaker's wife and that she's got really, really dry skin. And she snores. lol So I got a little chuckle. Either that, or he married an alligator.
However, I'm not sure the italicized portion at the end is necessary, for it doesn't seem to add anything to the humorous scene painted in the first paragraph. Maybe end after the ellipsis?
Oh, and maybe "shredded" isn't the best word, as I pictured actually ripped to pieces. I think you might mean "crumpled?"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2019
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The italics imply he didn't put much effort into the marriage in the first place. Alligator is a metaphor. Really? Read the other reviews and see if it makes more sense.
Comment from visionary1234
Eeeew!!! NASTY!!!! VERY cool entry indeed! Hard to raise the hairs on the back of my neck in only 50 words, but you've done it. Love the unexpected ending!!!! Remind me never to marry you!!!
:)S
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Eeeew!!! NASTY!!!! VERY cool entry indeed! Hard to raise the hairs on the back of my neck in only 50 words, but you've done it. Love the unexpected ending!!!! Remind me never to marry you!!!
:)S
Comment Written 02-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Hahaha I'm glad you liked it. I was worried to change it. But, I have a gorilla in the other now lol :)
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Well that's all RIGHT then ... I was worried ...
Comment from Treischel
Hi Greg, good to see you here and still writing Happy New Year.
I loved the unexpected twist in this story. Oh how things can change in mates over the years. Great descriptions. Excellent story. Good luck in the Dribble contest. It should do well.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Hi Greg, good to see you here and still writing Happy New Year.
I loved the unexpected twist in this story. Oh how things can change in mates over the years. Great descriptions. Excellent story. Good luck in the Dribble contest. It should do well.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Happy New Year my friend. Yes I've started to jump back on. I'm looking forward to reading your work again!
Comment from Bill Schott
This dribble, Companion of the Cold Blooded, falls within the word limit and seems to put a negative aspect of the ball and chain.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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This dribble, Companion of the Cold Blooded, falls within the word limit and seems to put a negative aspect of the ball and chain.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Spot on Bill thank you!
Comment from Mastery
Hi, greg. sorry partner, I just do not get it. After reading it over three times, you would think I would...but i just don't. Would you be so kind as to explain it to me. Hope I'm not the only one, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Hi, greg. sorry partner, I just do not get it. After reading it over three times, you would think I would...but i just don't. Would you be so kind as to explain it to me. Hope I'm not the only one, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 02-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Haha no problem Bob, thanks for reading! It's just his wife that is the alligator. He had bought a ring at a pawn shop, no energy really put into it. Just a twist. This is only my second flash fiction. Im doing them to help my writing. Thank you again!
Comment from ciliverde
Hi Gregory, glad to see you here again. This is fantastic! It's kind of enigmatic, but it's very compelling. If you bought the ring at a pawnshop, I guess maybe you deserve the alligator? Lol. Excellent job!
Carol
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Hi Gregory, glad to see you here again. This is fantastic! It's kind of enigmatic, but it's very compelling. If you bought the ring at a pawnshop, I guess maybe you deserve the alligator? Lol. Excellent job!
Carol
Comment Written 01-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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THANK YOU! I mean truly truly Thank you for the stars but also I'm SO GLAD you got the reference. I was worried. You nailed it. Really my friend, thank you so much for this review.
Comment from robyn corum
Gregory,
This is a super duper dribble contest entry. Love the revelation that the alligator you speak of is your wife of many years. AS A WIFE, I can probably understand his feelings perfectly. hahahaha! Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Gregory,
This is a super duper dribble contest entry. Love the revelation that the alligator you speak of is your wife of many years. AS A WIFE, I can probably understand his feelings perfectly. hahahaha! Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2019
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Haha thank you Robyn, that's so kind of you to read. I really appreciate it.
Comment from rama devi
Good to see you posting again,d ear Gregory!
I enjoyed the opening line alliteraiton on awaken and alligator AND THE SECOND line alliteraiton on linens & lie.
One spag:
Frigid sandpaper runs down the massive body(,) and guttural snores lift its belly - a breathing hilltop emitting discontent.
Excellent descriptive caliber to set the tone and emotional pitch. The closing is effective...and I suggest adding a line break to make the last two lines a separate paragraph (for dramatic pause effect):
Early stretch, her wedding ring scrapes my chest...I'd bought it at a pawn shop years ago.
A sure contender! Good luck.
Warm Regards,
rd
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2019
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Good to see you posting again,d ear Gregory!
I enjoyed the opening line alliteraiton on awaken and alligator AND THE SECOND line alliteraiton on linens & lie.
One spag:
Frigid sandpaper runs down the massive body(,) and guttural snores lift its belly - a breathing hilltop emitting discontent.
Excellent descriptive caliber to set the tone and emotional pitch. The closing is effective...and I suggest adding a line break to make the last two lines a separate paragraph (for dramatic pause effect):
Early stretch, her wedding ring scrapes my chest...I'd bought it at a pawn shop years ago.
A sure contender! Good luck.
Warm Regards,
rd
Comment Written 01-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2019
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Thank you! Ughhh, I WAS going to insert that comma there. I knew it! ;)
I had "a breathing hilltop" literally an hour ago but I took out the "a" because I was a word over. Do I need it? Also, do ellipses count as a word?
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HI Greg! I don't think ellipses count as a word...and I think they work well.
