Saboteur (an excerpt)
Boy sent to summer camp after writing about school massacres29 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Andre. How in the hell have you been, my friend? I have not heard from you in months, it seems?
Your essay here is a dandy and shows off what a wonderful writer you are:
"A brief smile flashed across her face as she turned and headed down the path across the ravine. She seemed to float over the earth rather than skip on the dirt."Suggestion: "They answer by turning away from me, muttering under their breaths. (under their collective breath or under their breath would be better I think
I truly hate to see you leave Andre. If you like, I will give you my e-mail so you can stay in touch and let me know how your are doing. Bless you, and Good Luck, Bob
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
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Hi, Andre. How in the hell have you been, my friend? I have not heard from you in months, it seems?
Your essay here is a dandy and shows off what a wonderful writer you are:
"A brief smile flashed across her face as she turned and headed down the path across the ravine. She seemed to float over the earth rather than skip on the dirt."Suggestion: "They answer by turning away from me, muttering under their breaths. (under their collective breath or under their breath would be better I think
I truly hate to see you leave Andre. If you like, I will give you my e-mail so you can stay in touch and let me know how your are doing. Bless you, and Good Luck, Bob
Comment Written 25-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
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Bob, I'm going to miss you, but I wish you well in all of your future endeavors. You are a great writer who entertained and inspired me.
Thank you for your review and suggestion. This "essay" is an excerpt of a 7,200 essay that I am preparing to send back to my editor for more edits. There is another 10,000 word section waiting for me to write. I am anxious to close down my FanStory account so I could focus on long-form essays and books. I am inspired by your writing and all you have achieved, and will remember you fondly as one of my favorite writers on this site.
Thank you again.
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Hate tom see you go, my friend. (: Bob
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Yes, Bob, but I got to go. I just received word that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. The editor of the journal is demanding I send in more work. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. It has been a great pleasure being inspired, entertained, and instructed by you.
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I am so happy for you, Andre. Good Luck with all of your endeavors. I know the feeling of getting published the first time...it is one hell of a high. :) Bob
Comment from QC Poet
Excellently written capturing of growing up in the late 70's and early 80's .
We share similar experiences of integration and going to camp, living and growing up in a "ghetto" environment.
Grammatically excellent presentation as well as representation of the time period.
God Bless you and your family for sharing
Looking forward to your upcoming postings.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
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Excellently written capturing of growing up in the late 70's and early 80's .
We share similar experiences of integration and going to camp, living and growing up in a "ghetto" environment.
Grammatically excellent presentation as well as representation of the time period.
God Bless you and your family for sharing
Looking forward to your upcoming postings.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
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Thank you, gmartinez247, for your review. What you read was only 2,000 words of a 7,200 word essay about me going to camp. I wish I could share the rest of it here with you, but I am closing down my FanStory account by the first so I can focus on long-form essays and books. I am glad my excerpt resonated with your similar experience. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from kiwijenny
Sis Cat I wish I had a six. You are right to focus on writing and putting this in a book. Maybe you will inspire a kid to try just try... well penned and I applaud your teacher for caring and making a difference.
I hate how we box each other in
God bless
Merry Christmas
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
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Sis Cat I wish I had a six. You are right to focus on writing and putting this in a book. Maybe you will inspire a kid to try just try... well penned and I applaud your teacher for caring and making a difference.
I hate how we box each other in
God bless
Merry Christmas
Comment Written 25-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Kiwi, for your review and encouragement. After the Columbine shooting in 1999 and after every school shooting since, I began to think back to that essay I wrote in 1980 which prompted a teacher to help me. I think about kids today and wonder if teachers are reaching out to them like Mr Berry did to me. I am anxious and curious to get feedback from kids today. What you read was only 2,000 words of a 7,200 word essay, and I have another 10,000 I need to write about a summer job I had after camp.
Thank you for your support and encouragement. Writers like you keep me going.
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Please keep writing. If you change one person from hurting others it?s a win
Comment from Dean Kuch
Andre, it has been a pleasure working with you on occasion and corresponding with you as well.
Wherever you go and whatever you do I wish you nothing but success.
Here's wishing your & your family the Merriest Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2018
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Andre, it has been a pleasure working with you on occasion and corresponding with you as well.
Wherever you go and whatever you do I wish you nothing but success.
Here's wishing your & your family the Merriest Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!
Comment Written 25-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2018
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Dean, I love your zombie-eyed dogs. You all have a merry Christmas. Thank you for your review and supports. It has been a great pleasure knowing you and I wish you success.
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Dean, I love your zombie-eyed dogs. You all have a merry Christmas. Thank you for your review and supports. It has been a great pleasure knowing you and I wish you success.
Comment from robyn corum
Andre,
I just allllmosr skipped this without replying. *smile*
Finished reading -- la la -- life is good..
BAM! Your note.
That's really sad to hear -- though if it means good for you --that's awesome.
We'll miss you!
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2018
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Andre,
I just allllmosr skipped this without replying. *smile*
Finished reading -- la la -- life is good..
BAM! Your note.
That's really sad to hear -- though if it means good for you --that's awesome.
We'll miss you!
Comment Written 25-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Robyn, for your review and for your support these last three years. I appreciate them and will miss you.
Comment from Sugarray77
You did a very good job on writing this and keeping true to the time period and events happening all around.. then you pivoted and it became about a personal event at the camp. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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You did a very good job on writing this and keeping true to the time period and events happening all around.. then you pivoted and it became about a personal event at the camp. Well done.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Sugarray, for your review. My diary I kept at the time played a pivotal role in keeping true to a time I would not have been able to remember.
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed your sharing Andre. I'd have to say someone who lives in their heads, (I too have lived there most of my life, I was good at sport so couldn't stay there entirely) one sees the world quite differently to others. questioningly, but I think I more or less worked it out. Black or white or brindle doesn't matter in this world. Thanks for sharing, I wish you success in your literary ventures. Well done, God go with you. Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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I enjoyed your sharing Andre. I'd have to say someone who lives in their heads, (I too have lived there most of my life, I was good at sport so couldn't stay there entirely) one sees the world quite differently to others. questioningly, but I think I more or less worked it out. Black or white or brindle doesn't matter in this world. Thanks for sharing, I wish you success in your literary ventures. Well done, God go with you. Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 24-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Roy, for your review and for wishing me success in my literary ventures.
Comment from tfawcus
Fine writing, Andre. I wish you all good luck with this important venture. I shall miss you here on FanStory. All the best writers move on eventually. One day I hope to read the rest of this. Perhaps you can PM me when it's published. Wishing you all the best for the future. Tony.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Fine writing, Andre. I wish you all good luck with this important venture. I shall miss you here on FanStory. All the best writers move on eventually. One day I hope to read the rest of this. Perhaps you can PM me when it's published. Wishing you all the best for the future. Tony.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Tony, for your generous six star review and for wishing me all the best for the future. I enjoyed your book, too. Thank you for sharing and for inspiring. I will miss you.
Comment from l.raven
Hi Andre, it's not easy today for teens sweet guys...parents have to work...and the ones that don't work...don't seem to care...and most just buy their kids a phone or some bloody games...so they don't have to be bothered...I am so happy you found your writing...times were rough for you...you are a very talented writer my sweet friend...just stay with it...very well written you...love Linda xxoo
I am so sorry to see you are leaving...so heartbreaking...I hope one day you will return...let us know how you are doing...I wish you all the luck in the world with your book...and may God Bless you....much love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Hi Andre, it's not easy today for teens sweet guys...parents have to work...and the ones that don't work...don't seem to care...and most just buy their kids a phone or some bloody games...so they don't have to be bothered...I am so happy you found your writing...times were rough for you...you are a very talented writer my sweet friend...just stay with it...very well written you...love Linda xxoo
I am so sorry to see you are leaving...so heartbreaking...I hope one day you will return...let us know how you are doing...I wish you all the luck in the world with your book...and may God Bless you....much love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 24-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Linda, for your review and for wishing me luck with my book. Yes, I found something I want to write about. I will miss you.
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that is wonderful my sweet friend...you reach for the stars...I will miss you too...much love...Linda xxoo
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Yes, Linda, I'll reach for the stars. I just received word that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. The editor of the journal is demanding I send in more work. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, honored, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. It has been a great pleasure being inspired, entertained, and instructed by you.
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WOW Andre, I am so happy for you...wanting to cry my sweet friend...see...there is pure love in that sky of ours...He loves you...smiling big you...and I do understand your moving on...my love goes with you...and God Bless...Linda xxoo
Comment from nomi338
One of the things I like most about being alive is that life will give you unexpected events from titme. The way you respond and the way you allow those events to shape you will decide in a very large way not only who you are, but also who you yet may become. My advice is always, just go with it. Go with it and see where it will lead you.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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One of the things I like most about being alive is that life will give you unexpected events from titme. The way you respond and the way you allow those events to shape you will decide in a very large way not only who you are, but also who you yet may become. My advice is always, just go with it. Go with it and see where it will lead you.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Yes, nomi338, just go with any curve balls life may throw at you. Thank you for your review and for being a supporter of my writing through the years. I will miss you.
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I shall miss your important creative voice as well. As you progress through life I wish you every success, I also wish you challenges just tough enough to strengthen you enough to become even greater.
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Yes, challenges tough enough to strengthen me. Thanks again.
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Yes, nomi338, challenges are making me greater. I just received word that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. The editor of the journal is demanding I send in more work. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, honored, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. It has been a great pleasure being inspired, entertained, and instructed by you.
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I wish you all the success in the world. I am more proud of you than you can possibly guess. I feel that your success is my success as well. Why? Because someone I know and respect has made it, and I totally applaud that achievement.
