Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This is one of the most unique enrties and was a contender for my vote but did not win it precisely because of the fact you mention in your notes...it requires the imagery or notes to make total sense. I love the alliteraiton of S and F. Love the imagery. I think Sunday should be capped.

Love the s sounds in line one and here too:

hushed by the pristine fresh snow

*
tamped into life forms

did you mean tramped or trampled here?

Fine alliteraiton of E:

frozen elephants emerge
The originality of this imaginative imagery may garner votes for you. Bravo.

Good work--could use fine tuning...

Good luck!

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2018

Thanks for the helpful review. Yeah, a photo of my snow elephant would have cinched it, but I wanted it perfect. Tamped means to press down something like snow, soil or tobacco to make firm. Would love to hear Amma one day,I have been reading about her and understand the love and attraction for her. I might be in Florida Keys with my two sisters in January. Maybe one day our paths are bound to cross. Namaste, judester

reply by rama devi on 28-Nov-2018

Thanks for teaching me a new word! I would love for you to meet Amma, dear. Before that, please do feel free to visit me in Fort Myers for a few days. It would be a tight squeeze with three of you, but we can manage...unless you prefer a hotel. The keys are not that far away...my mom and I would also maybe come there but we cannot afford trips that need hotels at the moment.

Hope we do meet in Jan!

If you can plan a trip that includes the middle Sunday of the month, then you can come to the Amma satsang too...that would be grand!

Love and NAMASTE,
rd

reply by the author on 28-Nov-2018

We might be able to work something out. Let's keep in touch. I would like to send you a Christmas card, I make them myself and take a photo of my snow elephant so it will all make sense, haha. Cheers, j

reply by rama devi on 28-Nov-2018

That's wonderful, dear. Here is the address:

Rama Devi Nina Marshall
17623 Island Inlet Court
Fort Myers, Florida 33908

reply by the author on 28-Nov-2018

Cheers, j

reply by rama devi on 28-Nov-2018

NAMASTE!

Comment from Galactia

Excellent

Hi

What a gorgeous Tanka that you have composed. perfect 5'7'5'7'7 syllable count across all lines.
The imagery is a amazing. This is a for sure winter.

Great job and Good Luck

Regards
Tia

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018

Thanks for the review. I am trying to finish my elephant snow sculpture and add it to the story. Cheers, j

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

A great Tanka entry for the contest. it seems fantastical to see elephants from Africa with icicles on their tusks... Since there is no photo, I am assuming that these are ice sculptures. Good luck..

Melissa

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018

Thanks for your encouraging review. I will add photo when I finish my sculpture. Cheers, j

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Exceptional

I love this descriptive write, very atmospheric and I wish you luck with the Tanka contest, this was much enjoyed, and it's a six from me, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018

Thanks for your encouraging review and sparkly stars Dolly. I will add photo when I finish my sculpture in the yard. Cheers, j

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

hahahaha!

Dear Mystery Poet,

I think a snow elephant would be amazing! Some of you snow sculptors are far too inventive and creative for me. hahaha! Please do share a photo when your elephant appears. Sounds awesome! Thanks!

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018

Thanks for your review. I just added the trunk and working on the ears, will add photo when I finish. Cheers, j