Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "A Murder"All chapters
10 total reviews
Comment from apky
Although I've not followed the story from the start, I enjoyed this chapter.
The story is engaging and well executed. I couldn't fail to notice how perfect you are with your punctuations, especially the comma, which is one of my week points - I always get my commas in the wrong places.
Excellent writing.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2018
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Although I've not followed the story from the start, I enjoyed this chapter.
The story is engaging and well executed. I couldn't fail to notice how perfect you are with your punctuations, especially the comma, which is one of my week points - I always get my commas in the wrong places.
Excellent writing.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2018
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Dear Apky
It's really nice to hear from you. I'm glad you liked this chapter.
The story is winding down. Not much more to tell.
I don't know the comma rules. 'Put one in after a thought and before the next thought' might work most of the time.
Thanks very much for your compliments. They're very encouraging.
Thank you for the five stars.
I hope you have much success with your writing.
Marv
Comment from robyn corum
Marvin,
I haven't been on-site as much recently because of spending so much time with my granddaughters, but reading this chapter makes me kinda wish I'd been able to do a lot more reviewing around here. Haha!! This seems like a really good/interesting/ well done story that I would definitely enjoy getting into.
Looks like you are doing a super job with it, too. Kudos! I will try to peek in more often, if my life will allow. Ha!
Just one tiny note:
1.) Realizing Brennan had put two an(d) two together
Thanks! Good to see you- great job with this! Have a marvelous week!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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Marvin,
I haven't been on-site as much recently because of spending so much time with my granddaughters, but reading this chapter makes me kinda wish I'd been able to do a lot more reviewing around here. Haha!! This seems like a really good/interesting/ well done story that I would definitely enjoy getting into.
Looks like you are doing a super job with it, too. Kudos! I will try to peek in more often, if my life will allow. Ha!
Just one tiny note:
1.) Realizing Brennan had put two an(d) two together
Thanks! Good to see you- great job with this! Have a marvelous week!
Comment Written 27-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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You have such an excellent excuse that I can't possibly be upset over your choice. However, I'm childish enough to be jealous.
Thanks for the many compliments.
Thanks for the typo.
Nice to hear from you.
I hope you don't mind my sending you the blurb that would go on the outside back cover, if I ever get that far.
FOW Play
A bank manager hatches a scheme to rob his own bank,
with the help of two partners.
If everything goes as planned,
his partners will soon be dead,
the bank manager won't be arrested for murder
and the cops will give up looking for the money.
But,
when was the last time you've heard of
everything going as planned?
A modern murder mystery.
Marv
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Nice!
Comment from Zue65
I really don't want to review murder and blood stories for I personally feel that demons inhabit those story plots. Sorry that's just my opinion. But you are an excellent writer. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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I really don't want to review murder and blood stories for I personally feel that demons inhabit those story plots. Sorry that's just my opinion. But you are an excellent writer. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
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I agree with you. I don't read the kind of stories you're referring to and I would not write them.
Twenty short chapters into this story and no one's been murdered. I believe that puts this story in a different genre.
But, in the same breath, something's coming you may not like, but it's not what you're thinking.
Thanks for the compliment and thank you very much for reviewing.
Marv
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Marv. Coming into your story fairly unfamiliar, your writing seems to be progressing well toward resolution. We don't know how much money was in the bag or where it is, but we do know that it was short. Bullets were in the bag, too and switched with the blanks. This story seems to be wrapping up, but I'm not sure since I've missed a few episodes. Marilyn
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Hi Marv. Coming into your story fairly unfamiliar, your writing seems to be progressing well toward resolution. We don't know how much money was in the bag or where it is, but we do know that it was short. Bullets were in the bag, too and switched with the blanks. This story seems to be wrapping up, but I'm not sure since I've missed a few episodes. Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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Well at least you checked in and that's the main thing.
I appreciate all your help in the past.
Marv
Comment from judiverse
Interesting developments in this. I like the play of words Amanda makes with Sterling and Stealing. Trudy reveals quite a bit about the case. Interesting that she left her hospital bed to see Ronald, but she has made great improvement and is definitely out of the woods. She talks about Ronald being surprised about the real bullets. That's surely a significant clue that Ronald's last words were "jamal" the name of the custodian. Perhaps there's a connection to the money that Brennan hasn't been able to find yet. Interesting case. judi
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Interesting developments in this. I like the play of words Amanda makes with Sterling and Stealing. Trudy reveals quite a bit about the case. Interesting that she left her hospital bed to see Ronald, but she has made great improvement and is definitely out of the woods. She talks about Ronald being surprised about the real bullets. That's surely a significant clue that Ronald's last words were "jamal" the name of the custodian. Perhaps there's a connection to the money that Brennan hasn't been able to find yet. Interesting case. judi
Comment Written 23-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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I'm glad you find the latest developments interesting.
I never planned the 'Sterling/stealing' item. Things like this are bound to occur a certain percentage of the time. I'm just glad they do.
Trudy may not be done yet. She wasn't too nervous to notice Ronald's take on the change of bullets.
I'm happy that you find this case interesting.
Thanks for everything.
Marv
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You're welcome. It looks like they might get interested in the custodian to see what he knows. judi
Comment from rjuselius
this is an intriguing piece of prose dear Marvin! I think that the characters are well built and carefully carried out. the characters seem believable and so does the storyline. bravo my friend!
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings and a hearty hug!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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this is an intriguing piece of prose dear Marvin! I think that the characters are well built and carefully carried out. the characters seem believable and so does the storyline. bravo my friend!
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings and a hearty hug!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 23-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Thank you.
Intriguing! That word sounds good to me.
Thank you for all your wonderful compliments.
I just realized these characters live inside me and I may have to start charging them rent.
Thank you for your great review and the 5 stars.
Marv
Comment from Earl Corp
Jumping in the middle of the book leaves me a little bit confused. I get the plot from your notes but i don't know any of the characters. I'm going to have to go back and read some to get caught up.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Jumping in the middle of the book leaves me a little bit confused. I get the plot from your notes but i don't know any of the characters. I'm going to have to go back and read some to get caught up.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Earl, for your review and comments.
The main characters are:
George S. Brennan_Police Captain
Amanda Louise Doherty_Police Detective
Gertrude La Scola (Trudy)_Bank Teller, Herman Sterling's wife.
Roseanne Zito_Phone Receptionist, Sterling's Girl Friend.
Ronald Frazier_acquaintance of Sterling, blackmailed to rob bank.
Earl and Ed Heffernan_Brothers whom Sterling and Frazier cheated out of two thousand dollars.
I hope this helps.
Marv
Comment from Debbie Pope
Marvin, I am still continuing to enjoy this story. I thought that I had missed a couple of chapters because I have not seen any posted lately. I like your characters, particularly Brennan. He seems to have a good heart. It's nice to see detectives portrayed that way.
I will be on the lookout for subsequent chapters. I don't want to miss a word.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Marvin, I am still continuing to enjoy this story. I thought that I had missed a couple of chapters because I have not seen any posted lately. I like your characters, particularly Brennan. He seems to have a good heart. It's nice to see detectives portrayed that way.
I will be on the lookout for subsequent chapters. I don't want to miss a word.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Debbie
What a nice review!
I'm glad you continue to read and enjoy my little mystery. Thanks for saying how much you like my detectives. That really means a lot to me. I'm thinking of them continuing on as partners in a Private Eye firm.
Thanks for all your help.
Marv
Comment from giraffmang
A lot of toing and froing here and some information creeping through. Good instalment.
Couple of spots I noted-
The senior detective, spoke into his phone - no need for the comma here.
"Assuming the money isn't on the roof, then where is it? - need closing speech marks here.
two and two?
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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A lot of toing and froing here and some information creeping through. Good instalment.
Couple of spots I noted-
The senior detective, spoke into his phone - no need for the comma here.
"Assuming the money isn't on the roof, then where is it? - need closing speech marks here.
two and two?
Comment Written 23-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Thank you for being a big help, as usual. Thanks for the compliment.
I look forward to your next review of my writing.
11-23-18
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, great line about the money earning more interest than when it was in the bank. True, fun and also ironic lol
Haaaaaaaa, another great line with switching the blanks for real bullets. I guess pain does have a way of proving actions.
You do such a great job with this Marv. So much understated yet laugh out loud humour.
Much enjoyed. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Ha, great line about the money earning more interest than when it was in the bank. True, fun and also ironic lol
Haaaaaaaa, another great line with switching the blanks for real bullets. I guess pain does have a way of proving actions.
You do such a great job with this Marv. So much understated yet laugh out loud humour.
Much enjoyed. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 23-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2018
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Thanks for your very encouraging review. You give me so many things to be thankful for, all year long.
Thank you for helping.
Marv