Nathaniel's Awakening
A different view of reality...9 total reviews
Comment from K. R. Ward
Lol, cutting it very close on the max limit there! I enjoyed reading this piece. The only thing I would change is the transition between Nathaniel's Mother being 'she' and the old troll being 'she,' because it took me a minute to understand which 'she' was which. Other than that, great work, as always!
Best of luck!
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
Lol, cutting it very close on the max limit there! I enjoyed reading this piece. The only thing I would change is the transition between Nathaniel's Mother being 'she' and the old troll being 'she,' because it took me a minute to understand which 'she' was which. Other than that, great work, as always!
Best of luck!
Comment Written 19-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
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Thanx, K.R., for dropping by! :) So glad you enjoyed my misbehaving little fairy, Nathaniel -- he and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' were the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'!! :) ;) But, as with all my characters, they are both now a small part of me that I can revisit for the future whenever I like -- I do hope they are that for you as well!! :) ;) Have a Happy Thanxgiving! :) Yvette [contest over :)]
Comment from AngieDee
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. It flowed well and kept me interested. A sweet story, also. You did a great job with the dialog, too. No gaps in the conversation. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2018
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. It flowed well and kept me interested. A sweet story, also. You did a great job with the dialog, too. No gaps in the conversation. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2018
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So glad, Angie, you enjoyed my misbehaving little fairy, Nathaniel -- he and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' are the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'!! :) ;) But, as with all my characters, they are both now a small part of me that I can revisit for the future whenever I like -- I do hope they are that for you as well!! :) ;) Thank you for stopping by! :)
Comment from Mustang Patty
Dear Anonymous Poet,
Your contest entry is extremely original and the tale is enchanting. I love the image of a grounded fairy being sentenced to painting the sky. Your imagery was great, from the flittering of his wings to the descriptive language about the pig.
Well done and good luck to you,
~MP~
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
Dear Anonymous Poet,
Your contest entry is extremely original and the tale is enchanting. I love the image of a grounded fairy being sentenced to painting the sky. Your imagery was great, from the flittering of his wings to the descriptive language about the pig.
Well done and good luck to you,
~MP~
Comment Written 16-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
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Wow, MP, you honor me with those beautiful stars...not to mention the smile you've put on my face!! :) ;) So glad you enjoyed my misbehaving little fairy, Nathaniel -- he and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' are the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'!! :) ;) But, as with all my characters, they are both now a small part of me that I can revisit for the future whenever I like -- I do hope they are that for you as well!! :) ;) Thank you for stopping by! :)
Comment from IndigoLady
Loved the story. It was well written and kept me reading, and wondering and couldn't wait till I got to the end where all would be revealed, I hoped. Good job!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
Loved the story. It was well written and kept me reading, and wondering and couldn't wait till I got to the end where all would be revealed, I hoped. Good job!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
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So glad, IndigoLady, that you enjoyed my misbehaving little fairy, Nathaniel -- he and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' are the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'!! :) ;) But, as with all my characters, they are both now a small part of me that I can revisit for the future whenever I like -- I do hope they are that for you as well!! :) ;) Thank you for stopping by! :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
I am not a fan of fantasy writing as a rule, but if it was all like this I think it would change. What a wonderful story! And so polished; not a "t" to cross or an "i" to dot. Kudos to you author, and best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
I am not a fan of fantasy writing as a rule, but if it was all like this I think it would change. What a wonderful story! And so polished; not a "t" to cross or an "i" to dot. Kudos to you author, and best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
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So glad, Dawn, you enjoyed my misbehaving little fairy, Nathaniel -- he and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' are the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'!! :) ;) But, as with all my characters, they are both now a small part of me that I can revisit for the future whenever I like -- I do hope they are that for you as well!! :) ;) 'Cuz that's what fantasy SHOULD be about ... I just know we'll convert you! :) ;) LOL! Thank you for stopping by! :)
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LOL.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I like what you did with this prompt. It's inventive and fun. A few little bits and pieces I noted down as I read-
There could be a little bit of confusion from the first to the second paragraph as two characters are introduced or spoken about using only 'she' to denote them.
Standing beside me now, I had to look directly up to get a look at her face - looking at the mechanics here, the protagonist would have to turn if the person is sideways on to look directly at them. (you make this clear for the female trolls actions)
I realized there really was not point to struggling- should probably be no rather than not here.
Be careful with your tenses, they flirt with present/past in certain sentences.
to ripple with the effulgence and intensity - using less popularly recognised words is fine, but here it sticks out as the rest of the writing doesn't match it.
Some of the dialogue may be better served ending with a full stop / period rather than commas when not followed by a speech tag. Following actions aren't the same.
to her, still gob smacked - gobsmacked is a single word.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
Hi there,
I like what you did with this prompt. It's inventive and fun. A few little bits and pieces I noted down as I read-
There could be a little bit of confusion from the first to the second paragraph as two characters are introduced or spoken about using only 'she' to denote them.
Standing beside me now, I had to look directly up to get a look at her face - looking at the mechanics here, the protagonist would have to turn if the person is sideways on to look directly at them. (you make this clear for the female trolls actions)
I realized there really was not point to struggling- should probably be no rather than not here.
Be careful with your tenses, they flirt with present/past in certain sentences.
to ripple with the effulgence and intensity - using less popularly recognised words is fine, but here it sticks out as the rest of the writing doesn't match it.
Some of the dialogue may be better served ending with a full stop / period rather than commas when not followed by a speech tag. Following actions aren't the same.
to her, still gob smacked - gobsmacked is a single word.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
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Went through and did some clean-up, G -- actually, Nathaniel and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' are the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'....it just felt so good to do something NOT related to the job and its hassles that I really did not proof enough (or much at all...sorry!)!! :) ;) Anyhow, I do so much appreciate your review -- had to laugh at your last suggestion there about 'gobsmacked'....you know, I was pretty sure it was one word, too, but Bill Gates said differently (i.e. MS Word corrected it for me! Arrggh.). LOL! Hope that at least put a smile on your face! :) Thanx a have a great weekend! :) :)
Comment from Ogden
Your story displays a wonderful, fanciful, imagination. That's the plus side.
However, it requires a great deal of careful editing, mostly in grammar and syntax. It appears that you may have been working against the deadline, so abundant are the errors. But these are fixable, whereas lack of imagination is not.
I suggest you continue to edit and revise, even after the contest ends, until this work lives up to its potential.
Ogden (Call me Don)
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
Your story displays a wonderful, fanciful, imagination. That's the plus side.
However, it requires a great deal of careful editing, mostly in grammar and syntax. It appears that you may have been working against the deadline, so abundant are the errors. But these are fixable, whereas lack of imagination is not.
I suggest you continue to edit and revise, even after the contest ends, until this work lives up to its potential.
Ogden (Call me Don)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the read and review, Don.
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You're very welcome.
Don
Comment from Cass Carlton
This is delightful. The artwork is superb, tying in with the story perfectly.The story is so tantalizing, it brings so many questions to the fore, such as Why was Nathaniel incarcerated ? What will he do when he is released? What kind of beings are these?
The story is filled with intriguing snippets, that cry out to be explained and enlarged upon. This is a gem of a story, one which holds a great deal more than just what is offered here. well done cheers Cass
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
This is delightful. The artwork is superb, tying in with the story perfectly.The story is so tantalizing, it brings so many questions to the fore, such as Why was Nathaniel incarcerated ? What will he do when he is released? What kind of beings are these?
The story is filled with intriguing snippets, that cry out to be explained and enlarged upon. This is a gem of a story, one which holds a great deal more than just what is offered here. well done cheers Cass
Comment Written 15-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
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Wow! Thank you for those wonderful stars, Cass -- I am honored!! :) ;) So glad you enjoyed my misbehaving little fairy, Nathaniel -- he and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' are the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'!! :) ;) But, as with all my characters, they are both now a small part of me that I can revisit for the future whenever I like -- I do hope they are that for you as well!! :) ;) Thank you for stopping by! :)
Comment from beizanten
A very interesting and intriguing beginning, you easily capture my interest to read more. A very interesting plotline and characters. you describe the main character emotion, well bringing the story into life.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
A very interesting and intriguing beginning, you easily capture my interest to read more. A very interesting plotline and characters. you describe the main character emotion, well bringing the story into life.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018
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So glad, beizanten, you enjoyed my misbehaving little fairy, Nathaniel -- he and the Gatekeeper and their 'responsibilities' are the result of a long week and a need for a 'writer's outlet'!! :) ;) But, as with all my characters, they are both now a small part of me that I can revisit for the future whenever I like -- I do hope they are that for you as well!! :) ;) Thank you for stopping by! :)