Jail
A Ride with Grampa11 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a well-written very interesting story. The plot, the situation seems real, believable, and all your characters really came to life. The part about the card game was perfect, made it seem more realistic.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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This is a well-written very interesting story. The plot, the situation seems real, believable, and all your characters really came to life. The part about the card game was perfect, made it seem more realistic.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your feedback. I am glad you enjoyed the story. I appreciate hearing your thoughts.
Tirzah
Comment from cupa tea
What a cute story! I remember days like that when I was a kid. I saw no errors as I was reading. Meaning there might have been some but I didn't see them because I was enjoying reading too much!
Good Luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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What a cute story! I remember days like that when I was a kid. I saw no errors as I was reading. Meaning there might have been some but I didn't see them because I was enjoying reading too much!
Good Luck in the contest!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed the story. I appreciate your feedback.
Tirzah
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I voted for your piece. I hope you win!
Comment from Jerri Haussler
I love the story and the details which help the reader to really feel they know your grandparents. The ending contains a fun surprise that makes the reader smile and think, "I should have known that was coming, since the grandpa did seem nice." The punctuation seems a little random a few places and "not quite right." I would have used a colon a couple places, like in paragraph two after "usual," but that may just be me and not necessarily wrong. I would have also put most of paragraph seven after paragraph two, since it seems like that detail relates there and stands out too much later, but I see why you needed to mention the garden again, too. At one point in the middle, I was beginning to wonder about the whole jail thing, so maybe that thread needs to be woven in here and there a little more. Great story!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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I love the story and the details which help the reader to really feel they know your grandparents. The ending contains a fun surprise that makes the reader smile and think, "I should have known that was coming, since the grandpa did seem nice." The punctuation seems a little random a few places and "not quite right." I would have used a colon a couple places, like in paragraph two after "usual," but that may just be me and not necessarily wrong. I would have also put most of paragraph seven after paragraph two, since it seems like that detail relates there and stands out too much later, but I see why you needed to mention the garden again, too. At one point in the middle, I was beginning to wonder about the whole jail thing, so maybe that thread needs to be woven in here and there a little more. Great story!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it! I am glad you enjoyed the story. I will look at the areas you pointed out. Editing is not a strong suit for me!
Tirzah
Comment from Rontreharne
This is a really fun and easy, well written story to read, and a very fond, relatable story. Another good job. Well done and keep on writing. You have a real knack for it.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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This is a really fun and easy, well written story to read, and a very fond, relatable story. Another good job. Well done and keep on writing. You have a real knack for it.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed the story. I appreciate your feedback.
Tirzah
Comment from oorwull
Nicely finished off. I was relieved when it became apparent that jail was out of the question. At least for that day. Hope all enjoyed their ice cream.
Willie
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Nicely finished off. I was relieved when it became apparent that jail was out of the question. At least for that day. Hope all enjoyed their ice cream.
Willie
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you! I appreciate your feedback. My grandfather was definitely a troublemaker!
Tirzah
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Congrats on winning with "Jail"
willie
Comment from country ranch writer
Good thing grandpa wasn't serious about hauling you off to the the ole jail house!Seems he was up to his old tricks to get your undivided attention. Maybe you all should have offered to help him more or something.At least he decided you all needed some icecream!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Good thing grandpa wasn't serious about hauling you off to the the ole jail house!Seems he was up to his old tricks to get your undivided attention. Maybe you all should have offered to help him more or something.At least he decided you all needed some icecream!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your feedback. It was a fun story to write. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Tirzah
Comment from poetwatch
I believe Grandpa still likes to trick or treat. I believe that painting the chickens butts green was a mean thing, poor chickens. Thank goodness you didn't go to jail, but instead got a treat from an old jokester. :) I like your Grandpa. This is a good entry for the I Believe contest.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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I believe Grandpa still likes to trick or treat. I believe that painting the chickens butts green was a mean thing, poor chickens. Thank goodness you didn't go to jail, but instead got a treat from an old jokester. :) I like your Grandpa. This is a good entry for the I Believe contest.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the feedback! My grandfather was definitely a character. I am glad you enjoyed the story.
Tirzah
Comment from AngieDee
You have written a very amusing story. I really enjoyed it, especially the end. The imagery was impressive and the story moved along well. Great job!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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You have written a very amusing story. I really enjoyed it, especially the end. The imagery was impressive and the story moved along well. Great job!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate it. I am glad you enjoyed the story.
Tirzah
Comment from DonandVicki
You pulled me quickly into the story with your style of writing. It felt like a true story with only one small glitch. It's summer and you stopped to get icecream, so far so good, but one to go for grandma...at home?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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You pulled me quickly into the story with your style of writing. It felt like a true story with only one small glitch. It's summer and you stopped to get icecream, so far so good, but one to go for grandma...at home?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for your feedback.
Tirzah
Comment from Cass Carlton
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. The grandparents sound like the salt of the earth to me. Their gardens and preserving are things close to my own heart. The story is well told with no Spags or other failings and reads well. The image of a grim faced grand parent ordering his grandsons into the truck after having told them "put the bikes away" sounds really ominous. And then his sense of humor became apparent when he stopped at an Icecream parlor instead. Yay for Gramps. Nice story Well told cheers Cass
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. The grandparents sound like the salt of the earth to me. Their gardens and preserving are things close to my own heart. The story is well told with no Spags or other failings and reads well. The image of a grim faced grand parent ordering his grandsons into the truck after having told them "put the bikes away" sounds really ominous. And then his sense of humor became apparent when he stopped at an Icecream parlor instead. Yay for Gramps. Nice story Well told cheers Cass
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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I am happy you enjoyed this story. It was fun writing it. My grandfather was definitely a character!
Thank you for your feedback! :)
Tirzah