Such a Skinflint !
Story /Found it5 total reviews
Comment from Lady Jane
and muttered new and scary phrases like 'global warming(.)'
The roof of the back kitchen was still intact. Rosalina spent the night there , - remove space between 'there' and 'comma'
opening and examining each of the drawer(s)-
" Jimmy," she shouted(.) " Get a move on, there may be another storm coming and I need my roof back." - and remove space between 'open quote' and 'Get'
"Come here(,) Rosalina,"
Rosalina eyes widened. She had to seat herself (atop) one of the old rafters (laying) on the ground. - edit suggestion
" My beloved Rosaline. - remove space between 'open quotes' and 'My'
My war wounds (ensure) I won't survive long- edit suggestion
Kisses(,) Bill."
Did NOT see that ending coming. But what an excellent ending it is. Made a few edit suggestions and noting some spacing issues, editor can sometimes be fickle. Nothing worth detracting a star for, however, as the write is solid with smooth dialogue and an interesting backstory. The content was unique and a fulfilling read. This piece held a fresh perspective on the prompt and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Janelle
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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and muttered new and scary phrases like 'global warming(.)'
The roof of the back kitchen was still intact. Rosalina spent the night there , - remove space between 'there' and 'comma'
opening and examining each of the drawer(s)-
" Jimmy," she shouted(.) " Get a move on, there may be another storm coming and I need my roof back." - and remove space between 'open quote' and 'Get'
"Come here(,) Rosalina,"
Rosalina eyes widened. She had to seat herself (atop) one of the old rafters (laying) on the ground. - edit suggestion
" My beloved Rosaline. - remove space between 'open quotes' and 'My'
My war wounds (ensure) I won't survive long- edit suggestion
Kisses(,) Bill."
Did NOT see that ending coming. But what an excellent ending it is. Made a few edit suggestions and noting some spacing issues, editor can sometimes be fickle. Nothing worth detracting a star for, however, as the write is solid with smooth dialogue and an interesting backstory. The content was unique and a fulfilling read. This piece held a fresh perspective on the prompt and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Janelle
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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Belated thanks for review ing and most especially for the useful suggestions -very much appreciated zanya
Comment from giraffmang
You have a good and warm-feeling story here. It's a good tale and generally well told. Just some punctuation bits and pieces.
" T'were nothing ever like it in these parts since I was a lad," - delete the space following the opening speech marks.
declared." T'is more like a- watch your spacing here also.
Rosalina , who had moved to the street, years ago, - you could remove the middle comma here.
Generally watch your spacing around speech marks. you don't need spaces after opening ones or before closing ones. Sometimes you do this and sometimes you don't. Same thing for commas and so on.
down her neighbour, Dorothy's invitation - you could remove the comma here or insert another after the name.
nursing service during World War 11.
- II rather than 11.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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You have a good and warm-feeling story here. It's a good tale and generally well told. Just some punctuation bits and pieces.
" T'were nothing ever like it in these parts since I was a lad," - delete the space following the opening speech marks.
declared." T'is more like a- watch your spacing here also.
Rosalina , who had moved to the street, years ago, - you could remove the middle comma here.
Generally watch your spacing around speech marks. you don't need spaces after opening ones or before closing ones. Sometimes you do this and sometimes you don't. Same thing for commas and so on.
down her neighbour, Dorothy's invitation - you could remove the comma here or insert another after the name.
nursing service during World War 11.
- II rather than 11.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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Great review and useful suggestions -much appreciated zanya
Comment from ciliverde
The moral of this story is, if you ever find a bag or box or some kind of container that's old and hidden away (or even washed up on the beach) you'd better open it! Great story, thanks for sharing it with us :))
Carol
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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The moral of this story is, if you ever find a bag or box or some kind of container that's old and hidden away (or even washed up on the beach) you'd better open it! Great story, thanks for sharing it with us :))
Carol
Comment Written 03-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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Great review zanya
Comment from Lisa Heath
This is a very interesting story you have written. I, too, was left some wealth by (and my ex-husband) from both sides of our family. Now that we're divorced and older we worsip Christ Jesus with our children and our Grandchildren and try not to be too spoken for. Lisa Heath
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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This is a very interesting story you have written. I, too, was left some wealth by (and my ex-husband) from both sides of our family. Now that we're divorced and older we worsip Christ Jesus with our children and our Grandchildren and try not to be too spoken for. Lisa Heath
Comment Written 03-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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Loved this review ! zanya
Comment from tfawcus
A good story and one with a happy ending! I'll bet Rosalina wished that Bill had given her one or two clues before he pegged it! Maybe she and Jimmy will be brought together by this lucky find.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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A good story and one with a happy ending! I'll bet Rosalina wished that Bill had given her one or two clues before he pegged it! Maybe she and Jimmy will be brought together by this lucky find.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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Who knows - maybe a sequel would be in order - thanks for the reminder !!! zanya
