Into Oblivion
Sometimes you just have to let go...16 total reviews
Comment from Shanbreen
It always amazes me how you can abide by rules of a Chain Rhyme (even if they are slant rhymes) and still get your message across. Luv this line:
" where land and sky at horizon kiss."
You, my friend, are an amazing poet. Why don't you make a book of three or more poems and get a "Seal of Quality" for your work? (I believe they require at least 3 poems or more than 2000 words for a story). You are really very good.
I got my first seal for my story, "A Gesture," and it gave me a big ego boost. =)
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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It always amazes me how you can abide by rules of a Chain Rhyme (even if they are slant rhymes) and still get your message across. Luv this line:
" where land and sky at horizon kiss."
You, my friend, are an amazing poet. Why don't you make a book of three or more poems and get a "Seal of Quality" for your work? (I believe they require at least 3 poems or more than 2000 words for a story). You are really very good.
I got my first seal for my story, "A Gesture," and it gave me a big ego boost. =)
Comment Written 07-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Shanbreen -- this really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I was thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) And what of this 'Seal of Quality' of which you speak, oh wise one?! :) ;) :) I guess I'll have to dig around and find something about it....? Right now, my writing really is my pressure-release valve! :) ;) Have a spectacular week, sir, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This poem is made richer by your use of allusions. You have strong metaphors. Your use of personification draws the reader in. This is such a nice positively oriented poem and has a sweet personal touch to it. The reader may identify with such a fluffy dream. They will wish for such a comforting voice directing their journey. This could also be a guided meditation. It has all of the criteria for one. And it especially accomplishes the same outcome, a lovely, peaceful rest, where there are no worries. Nicely written. I am voting for this.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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This poem is made richer by your use of allusions. You have strong metaphors. Your use of personification draws the reader in. This is such a nice positively oriented poem and has a sweet personal touch to it. The reader may identify with such a fluffy dream. They will wish for such a comforting voice directing their journey. This could also be a guided meditation. It has all of the criteria for one. And it especially accomplishes the same outcome, a lovely, peaceful rest, where there are no worries. Nicely written. I am voting for this.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Oh, Liz, Thank you so much!! :) ;) You know, this really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I am thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) Have a spectacular week ahead, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
Comment from poesyapprentice
You did a lovely job with this prompt, so peaceful and dreamy. Good form and rhyme here too. Pretty display. Picture and write are cohesive. Liked the way you spread out the ending words. They suggest a nudge for a slow awakening, as one would hope to have from a pleasant, relaxed state. Best of luck to you in the vote!
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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You did a lovely job with this prompt, so peaceful and dreamy. Good form and rhyme here too. Pretty display. Picture and write are cohesive. Liked the way you spread out the ending words. They suggest a nudge for a slow awakening, as one would hope to have from a pleasant, relaxed state. Best of luck to you in the vote!
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Thank you, poesyapprentice -- this really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I am thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) Be sure to take time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I don't take fantasy trips very often, but with yours, I enjoyed the ride "Into Oblivion." I use your title, to express how I received, this wonderful poem, because, it captures the essence, of it to me. You did an excellent job with the Chain Rhyme poem, as difficult, as I know that, it is. I love your choice of rhymes, from "reprise" and "flies" and "sunrise" to "eyes." I love the ship and its voyage as a metaphor, for the fantasy ride that you bestowed on us. The artwork is fantastic, and surreal, in that it looks like it might be, looking down from a jet. I am not sure, but what a lovely image to match your fantasy trip. Thank you so much for sharing.
Take care, Jesse
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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I don't take fantasy trips very often, but with yours, I enjoyed the ride "Into Oblivion." I use your title, to express how I received, this wonderful poem, because, it captures the essence, of it to me. You did an excellent job with the Chain Rhyme poem, as difficult, as I know that, it is. I love your choice of rhymes, from "reprise" and "flies" and "sunrise" to "eyes." I love the ship and its voyage as a metaphor, for the fantasy ride that you bestowed on us. The artwork is fantastic, and surreal, in that it looks like it might be, looking down from a jet. I am not sure, but what a lovely image to match your fantasy trip. Thank you so much for sharing.
Take care, Jesse
Comment Written 03-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Wow, Jesse - so glad you think this worked so well - you made my evening! This really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I am thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) Have a spectacular weekend, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
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Hi Yvette
Yes, it worked beautifully. I am happy I made your evening. Chain Rhyme poems are difficult to do and you made it look easy. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and the coming week ahead!
Jesse
Comment from Bill Schott
This chain rhyme, Into Oblivion, has the correct formatting as we are taken away from the conscious realm into the mist of escape and adventure. Nice to get away, nice to return.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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This chain rhyme, Into Oblivion, has the correct formatting as we are taken away from the conscious realm into the mist of escape and adventure. Nice to get away, nice to return.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Bill -- this really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). Be sure to take time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
Such an emotional and beautiful piece. Your chain rhyme is well written and it flows so nicely. It has a tranquil message, and works on a grief/heavenly level as well. I hope you do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Such an emotional and beautiful piece. Your chain rhyme is well written and it flows so nicely. It has a tranquil message, and works on a grief/heavenly level as well. I hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Cindy -- this really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I am thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) Have a spectacular week ahead, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
Comment from JDRBAR
I like this. I doubt you meant it this way but it so beautifully describes the way I feel (or could feel) in those few moments of going under an anesthetic. Such a release.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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I like this. I doubt you meant it this way but it so beautifully describes the way I feel (or could feel) in those few moments of going under an anesthetic. Such a release.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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You are SO right, ma'am!!! That is exactly the feel!!! :) ;) ;) Ha -- at least I know that you really got the feelings I was trying to induce here! :) :) You know, this was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I am thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) Have a spectacular weekend, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
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Ironically, I have an appointment the 10th of this month to do just that LOL. Going in for minor surgical procedure. So, I'll definitely get that "oblivion."
Comment from poetwatch
Hi Yvette. I see with different eyes, yet all seems nice. This is a very good Chain Rhyme poem but it could be great. On your second stanza last line "where land and sky at horizon kiss" how would it sound with "meet horizon's kiss" just a thought OK?
I had to read this line a few times before I got it. "Feel the ship sway - its bow fall and rise" a ship bow bucks as it hits a wave (or at least that what it looks like) it falls and rises. I know you want the "s" sound with sway but how about omitting it all together? "Feel the ship's bow fall and rise"
Don't pay attention to what I say I just wrote this because you are a friend who speaks the truth. I thought I would give you a little of what I see. So don't get angry at me, my friend. You help me, correct me in what you see, and I will do better in poetry. :) :)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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Hi Yvette. I see with different eyes, yet all seems nice. This is a very good Chain Rhyme poem but it could be great. On your second stanza last line "where land and sky at horizon kiss" how would it sound with "meet horizon's kiss" just a thought OK?
I had to read this line a few times before I got it. "Feel the ship sway - its bow fall and rise" a ship bow bucks as it hits a wave (or at least that what it looks like) it falls and rises. I know you want the "s" sound with sway but how about omitting it all together? "Feel the ship's bow fall and rise"
Don't pay attention to what I say I just wrote this because you are a friend who speaks the truth. I thought I would give you a little of what I see. So don't get angry at me, my friend. You help me, correct me in what you see, and I will do better in poetry. :) :)
Comment Written 02-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your read and review, poetwatch, and for the wonderful suggestions, but there is a mood and specific meter I have to keep in this format. :) ;) Have a spectacular weekend, sir, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
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Thank you Yvette for at least talking to me. For where in life does a student try to correct his teacher? I and most all that wander the the pages of FanStory are here to learn and maybe help, but never lie or feel superior. Thank you for not getting angry with me.
Comment from damommy
Great job on the chain rhyme. Perfect rhyme scheme. There's a soothing cadence to this poem when read aloud, and the photo choice suits it. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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Great job on the chain rhyme. Perfect rhyme scheme. There's a soothing cadence to this poem when read aloud, and the photo choice suits it. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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Thank you so very much for your uplifting comments, damommy - this really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I am thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) Thank you again for both your encouragement and your inspiration! :) Have a spectacular weekend, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You let go here and took a flight, into the horizon like a bird, my favourite line: 'lofty ship sails the swirls of mist', I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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You let go here and took a flight, into the horizon like a bird, my favourite line: 'lofty ship sails the swirls of mist', I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Dolly -- this really was my first time writing one of these and, even as I posted it, I wasn't sure how it sounded.....you know, you can read your own work over and over again and, still, once posted, you get comments back that you never 'saw' in it (good and not so good). So, I am thrilled that this seemed to work! :) :) Have a spectacular weekend, taking time to find some 'oblivion' of your own! :) Yvette :)
