Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Synopses"All chapters
8 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Marv. Are you getting ready to publish? This appears to be a synopsis of chapters so the reader may be able to get a glimpse of what is in the book. Is this correct? Marilyn
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Marv. Are you getting ready to publish? This appears to be a synopsis of chapters so the reader may be able to get a glimpse of what is in the book. Is this correct? Marilyn
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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If only I were. Since it's taking me so long to write and submit the next chapter, I thought synopses would help the reader remember what the story is about.
Comment from JanPerry
A good idea to add a sex warning for "horny" if you're going down that path. (Sterling's) self esteem, typo.
It's concise, sharp, straight to the point. Detectives act like this. Except for Columbo who dithered on his cases.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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A good idea to add a sex warning for "horny" if you're going down that path. (Sterling's) self esteem, typo.
It's concise, sharp, straight to the point. Detectives act like this. Except for Columbo who dithered on his cases.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Thanks for reviewing. I appreciate the many compliments and the five stars.
You must know a detective or two.
Thank you for pointing out the typo.
Marv
Comment from writer_13
It's an interesting story. I like to read mysteries and I like the humor you throw into the story. I found a few typos that you might want to check but otherwise I look forward to reading more of your story.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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It's an interesting story. I like to read mysteries and I like the humor you throw into the story. I found a few typos that you might want to check but otherwise I look forward to reading more of your story.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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I'm glad you found this story interesting. I like to inject humor whenever it goes well with the story.
I found a couple typos. I hope I got them all.
Thanks for reviewing and the four stars. Glad to hear you intend to follow this story.
Marv
Comment from Sally Law
It nice to see you are a Christian! Me, too! I take it this is a prologue for your novella? I am currently writing a novella here on FanStory. It has been a lot of fun. I have a few critiques. I share them to make you a better writer and get you higher scores.
First up: Your descriptions lack life. What you write here should compel me to read your novella. Put some tasty meat on those prologue bones.
Secondly, never use the same word twice in a short sentence.
You wrote, "Tucker believ(es) this (is) the robber's first robbery."
My suggestion, "Tucker believed this was the robber's first heist." And, write in the past tense. This is a must for published work. I've had to re-train myself here. My copy editor has eaten me alive on many occasions!
Third and last, "Brendan ask(s) Tucker to get Amanda and him and a coffee." My suggestion, " Brendan asked Tucker to get Amanda and a coffee." Or, if you meant to say get Amanda first, then get a coffee, say, " Brenda asked Tucker to get Amanda, and while he was at it, two coffees." This flows smoothly and will add clarity.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the best in your writing Mr, Calloway. God bless you and yours,
Sally
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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It nice to see you are a Christian! Me, too! I take it this is a prologue for your novella? I am currently writing a novella here on FanStory. It has been a lot of fun. I have a few critiques. I share them to make you a better writer and get you higher scores.
First up: Your descriptions lack life. What you write here should compel me to read your novella. Put some tasty meat on those prologue bones.
Secondly, never use the same word twice in a short sentence.
You wrote, "Tucker believ(es) this (is) the robber's first robbery."
My suggestion, "Tucker believed this was the robber's first heist." And, write in the past tense. This is a must for published work. I've had to re-train myself here. My copy editor has eaten me alive on many occasions!
Third and last, "Brendan ask(s) Tucker to get Amanda and him and a coffee." My suggestion, " Brendan asked Tucker to get Amanda and a coffee." Or, if you meant to say get Amanda first, then get a coffee, say, " Brenda asked Tucker to get Amanda, and while he was at it, two coffees." This flows smoothly and will add clarity.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the best in your writing Mr, Calloway. God bless you and yours,
Sally
Comment Written 22-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Sally, for your generous review. This is not a prologue. I sent these synopses to remind readers that I'm still writing this Murder Mystery and to refresh their memories about what the story is about. It's been quite a while since the last post, chapter 19.
I included some things that the two protagonists (Brennan & Doherty) weren't exposed to in the telling of the story.
I assumed I could take a holiday from dazzling them with my writing skills but typos are typos and should be corrected immediately when and wherever they occur. Thank you.
Marv
P. S. I'll send you more after the celebrating of my wife's 79th birthday. I'm also happy to know you're a Christian. May God bless you for your generous review.
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You?re welcome Marvin! A Happy Birthday to your wife!
Sal :+)
Comment from judiverse
You do a great job of getting into the significant details and make the story clear and interesting. You also give insights in the characters in your brief summary. good luck with the rest. I believe the plural for synopsis is synopses. Interesting mystery, and I enjoy mysteries. judi
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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You do a great job of getting into the significant details and make the story clear and interesting. You also give insights in the characters in your brief summary. good luck with the rest. I believe the plural for synopsis is synopses. Interesting mystery, and I enjoy mysteries. judi
Comment Written 21-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Your review is so good to read.
I almost changed my mind about sending out these synopses.
I felt that I had to remind the readers that this story is still around, waiting to be completed.
Thanks for the review and the compliments.
(this also works: synopsis's)
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You're very welcome. It's good to have that reminder. judi
Comment from pome lover
well, damn - I'll bring them coffee if somebody will 'splain to me why this story keeps stoppin' and startin'. I can't keep up.
Hello, Author? MM? You are too much for this feeble old brain.
Where you been?
I can't keep up with you.
I think I'll wait until you start something new and try to follow it.
I humbly apologize. truly. but my short term memory is a thing of the past, I'm afraid,
It is gone, gone, gone.
I am not crazy, just be-fused and con-fuddled. ha!
I await you next post.
PL
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2018
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well, damn - I'll bring them coffee if somebody will 'splain to me why this story keeps stoppin' and startin'. I can't keep up.
Hello, Author? MM? You are too much for this feeble old brain.
Where you been?
I can't keep up with you.
I think I'll wait until you start something new and try to follow it.
I humbly apologize. truly. but my short term memory is a thing of the past, I'm afraid,
It is gone, gone, gone.
I am not crazy, just be-fused and con-fuddled. ha!
I await you next post.
PL
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2018
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Pommy
That's why I'm sending these synopsis's_to get everyone caught up.
Please don't stop. After I send out all the synopsis's, I'll post chapter 20. There's not much more after that.
It's going to have a tricky ending. I hope y'all buy it.
Marv
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well, now - you would give me a new name that is just too cute, so I will do my best. (which ain't much)
Comment from Gloria ....
Haaaaaaaa, there are so many things about this that I love, Marv. Chief among them brevity. You know I think you're on to something writing short chapters that just get to the point quickly, like the FOW. That was a stroke of genius, as was the over-thinking preventer.
I am glad to know there are more chapters coming though.
Great job and an enjoyable read on a chilly October day. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2018
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Haaaaaaaa, there are so many things about this that I love, Marv. Chief among them brevity. You know I think you're on to something writing short chapters that just get to the point quickly, like the FOW. That was a stroke of genius, as was the over-thinking preventer.
I am glad to know there are more chapters coming though.
Great job and an enjoyable read on a chilly October day. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2018
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Again, it's you, Gloria. So supportive.
I was hesitant about this post, but it's doing what I had hoped it would do.
Your first sentence is music to my ears.
I don't think it's fair to give the readers too much at one time. This story is not far from the end.
I appreciate your compliments.
Marv
Marv
Marv
Comment from Miranda Langston
thank you for this :D i get lost sometimes on here when the chapters are spread days or weeks apart. these look like really interesting chapters :)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2018
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thank you for this :D i get lost sometimes on here when the chapters are spread days or weeks apart. these look like really interesting chapters :)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Miranda, for reviewing this post. I wasn't sure if I should provide this info or not. Certainly, I wanted to remind the readers what FOW Play is about, but some details are not known by the detectives at these points in the story. Thanks for the compliments and the five stars.
Marv