Desire
A night to remember6 total reviews
Comment from Lady Jane
This is full of vivid imagery and sensuality, Eugene. A few lines are off on meter, but nothing drastic or worth detracting as star for. It may even be intentional :) You wove an excellent honeymoon story and the language used to convey their 'moonlight escapade' is superb. The rhyming is fluid and the formatting throughout the piece worked very well. I found no grammar or punctuation errors. The image you chose was perfect...she's even in the white gown. Nice job, Dear. I wish you all the best in the contest with this one. I second your other reviewer when I say, you probably have a very strong contender :) Good luck.
Janelle
PS: My favorite section of this piece is below. It has such rich and fresh language and is so provocative and sensual...nice job:
In the stillness, as waves caress the shore,
Her bridal flower is ready to bloom.
She stands delighted by one she adores;
To seed her special garden's vestal womb.
At midnight he comes to happily plant
Replete with verve in all his majesty,
To favorably and lovingly enchant
Through fervent love and pure artistry,
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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This is full of vivid imagery and sensuality, Eugene. A few lines are off on meter, but nothing drastic or worth detracting as star for. It may even be intentional :) You wove an excellent honeymoon story and the language used to convey their 'moonlight escapade' is superb. The rhyming is fluid and the formatting throughout the piece worked very well. I found no grammar or punctuation errors. The image you chose was perfect...she's even in the white gown. Nice job, Dear. I wish you all the best in the contest with this one. I second your other reviewer when I say, you probably have a very strong contender :) Good luck.
Janelle
PS: My favorite section of this piece is below. It has such rich and fresh language and is so provocative and sensual...nice job:
In the stillness, as waves caress the shore,
Her bridal flower is ready to bloom.
She stands delighted by one she adores;
To seed her special garden's vestal womb.
At midnight he comes to happily plant
Replete with verve in all his majesty,
To favorably and lovingly enchant
Through fervent love and pure artistry,
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Janelle,
Thank you for your exceptional review. I do appreciate the feedback I receive.from fellow poets here on Fanstory. I have no formal training in writing poetry so writing in meter is still a mystery to me. I would appreciate if you can indicate the lines were the meter is off and show me how to correct them. The poem though an excellent contender did however receive a third place finish.
I've received numerous 2nd and 3rd place finishes here on Fanstory. I suspect that elusive first place will maybe come once I've learned how to write in meter. I expect this is the reason why my poems have not been favorably received by literary poetry magazines. I guess I need to correct the meter in many of my poems in order to win contest and to finally publish my first book of poems. I am still learning how to write poem in the various poetry forms. Thus far I've learned how to mimic a form, but in my reviews it is always the meter that is off. Any suggestions on how I can learn to master writing in meter?
Have a great day,
Eugene
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Any time you need help, email the piece to me. I will proof it and give you suggestions. Will that help? ;-) I would be more than happy to assist you. You are an excellent poet!
Janelle
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Janelle,
Thank you for your offer to help improve my poetry. Are you suggesting communicating by offsite email? If yes, let me know how I may contact you?
Eugene
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Yes, or on-site emai. Send me an email here and I?ll forward you my offsite emai addy. You can decide which way you?d like to go. ;-)
Janelle
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Janelle
Feel free to contact me at Geniejr@aol.com and I will send you a few of my poems I've set aside for inclusion in my first poetry book on the theme of romance.
Eugene
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Passionate Love in Black and White.
You certainly brought the passion and heat for this well written verse.
Well rhymed and the story is well told.
Good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Passionate Love in Black and White.
You certainly brought the passion and heat for this well written verse.
Well rhymed and the story is well told.
Good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Sharon,
Thank you so much for your excellent review. I am so happy you enjoyed this. I truly appreciate your time and generous feedback.
Eugene
Comment from Rachel Fawcett
Your mesmerising romanticism pulls the reader into the steamy passionate embrace that's happening, beautifully written. I hope you win
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Your mesmerising romanticism pulls the reader into the steamy passionate embrace that's happening, beautifully written. I hope you win
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Rachel,
Thank you so much for your excellent review and the six stars. I am so happy you enjoyed this. I truly appreciate your time and generous feedback.
Eugene
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really excellent! The passion, the excitement, it's all there. It must have bee a wonderful honeymoon! :)) I think this is a strong contender in the contest, and I wish you lots of luck. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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That was really excellent! The passion, the excitement, it's all there. It must have bee a wonderful honeymoon! :)) I think this is a strong contender in the contest, and I wish you lots of luck. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Sandra,
Thank you so much for your excellent review. I am so happy you enjoyed this. I truly appreciate your time and generous feedback.
Eugene
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a passionate and intimate write with no holding back, and it sounds to me like this is a night to remember! I wish you luck with the contest and you certainly aroused passion in these words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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This is a passionate and intimate write with no holding back, and it sounds to me like this is a night to remember! I wish you luck with the contest and you certainly aroused passion in these words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Dolly,
Thank you so much for your excellent review. I am so happy you enjoyed this. I truly appreciate your time and generous feedback.
Eugene
Comment from Shelli 1
Very sensual and descriptive poem, makes me think of my honeymoon and the great nights we had together and how at the time felt truly loved, brought images of fertility and how the woman is the garden good work
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Very sensual and descriptive poem, makes me think of my honeymoon and the great nights we had together and how at the time felt truly loved, brought images of fertility and how the woman is the garden good work
Comment Written 20-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for your excellent review. I am so happy you enjoyed this. I truly appreciate your time and generous feedback.
Eugene
I extended the poem beyond one stanza and made it a Sonnet Triplet. Feel free to take a second look.
