Loyalty by Choice
A 'Green House in the Swamp' Entry8 total reviews
Comment from K. R. Ward
Wow, your characters are amazing! The tension was real folks! And what was cool for me was that even though the MC went through a myriad of confusing wonderland-type scenes and settings, I was grounded by your character. It was great! Also, the way you captured all the different settings makes me green with envy.
The plot was woven together masterfully! I didn't have a clue where this was gonna go. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
The only thing that kept it from being a six star, for me, was not making the green house a more prominent part of the MC's backstory for purposes of the competition.
Minor edits: So, if I had felt as though I was an observer before, this certainly confirmed it. I bent over slightly and tried to control my breathing to keep from either vomiting or hyperventilating or both.
The light in her eyes had faded even before she collapsed onto the ground.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Wow, your characters are amazing! The tension was real folks! And what was cool for me was that even though the MC went through a myriad of confusing wonderland-type scenes and settings, I was grounded by your character. It was great! Also, the way you captured all the different settings makes me green with envy.
The plot was woven together masterfully! I didn't have a clue where this was gonna go. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
The only thing that kept it from being a six star, for me, was not making the green house a more prominent part of the MC's backstory for purposes of the competition.
Minor edits: So, if I had felt as though I was an observer before, this certainly confirmed it. I bent over slightly and tried to control my breathing to keep from either vomiting or hyperventilating or both.
The light in her eyes had faded even before she collapsed onto the ground.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Thank you so very much for the positive and in-depth review, K.R. -- it means more to me than you know!! ;) :) Fantasy is my favorite genre to write and I just had a ball with this write -- so glad that it seemed to enthrall you the same way all my ideas do me until I get them onto the paper! :) ;) Thanx for stopping by -- you're welcome any time -- and be sure to have a wonderful week of sunshine surprises of your own! :) ;) Yvette [can sign my name now that the contest is over] :) :) :)
Comment from Honey Bee Jean
Very nice character development. There are some places that I would've like to see more description to help bring the scene to life or the situation. Best of luck in all of your endeavors and happy writing!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Very nice character development. There are some places that I would've like to see more description to help bring the scene to life or the situation. Best of luck in all of your endeavors and happy writing!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Thank you for your review Honey Bee -- appreciate your time. :) ;)
Comment from Hugh McDowell
Outstanding read. A first class tale that grabbed me from beginning to end. Great story line that begs for more. Some of the best fantasy fiction I've read. I do have to list a couple of grammatical mistakes; The body (we) definitely Father Joe's: for something I could (us) as a weapon: ( Here) hair, too,: "Give (here) to Malin: goodness (new) she needed it. Words in parenthesis need correction. Hugh
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2018
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Outstanding read. A first class tale that grabbed me from beginning to end. Great story line that begs for more. Some of the best fantasy fiction I've read. I do have to list a couple of grammatical mistakes; The body (we) definitely Father Joe's: for something I could (us) as a weapon: ( Here) hair, too,: "Give (here) to Malin: goodness (new) she needed it. Words in parenthesis need correction. Hugh
Comment Written 14-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2018
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Thank you so very much, Hugh, for taking the time to read through my story - I realize it took a lot of your time and I very much appreciate it. And, thanx, too for the catches -- I have fixed them all! :) :) I realize my writing doesn't appeal to many so your words are very uplifting -- know that you've put a smile on my face for the rest of the day (at a minimum!)!! :) :) I wish for you a wonderful week ahead of sunshine on your face to warm you and cool breezes to make you feel surrounded with attention!! LOL! :) :)
Comment from Adri7enne
Very good command of the English language, that's for sure. Lots of imagination, too. I sometimes had the feeling that the narrator was filling in space. The story might have arrived at the same conclusion without taking as many side trips. It seemed long. Nevertheless, I was determined to finish reading it once I started. It had some fine moments. All in all, a fine bit of story telling. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2018
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Very good command of the English language, that's for sure. Lots of imagination, too. I sometimes had the feeling that the narrator was filling in space. The story might have arrived at the same conclusion without taking as many side trips. It seemed long. Nevertheless, I was determined to finish reading it once I started. It had some fine moments. All in all, a fine bit of story telling. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2018
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Sorry, Adri7enne, the multiple rooms inside the green house were called for in the contest description so they were a necessary inclusion. Thanx for taking the time to read and 'making yourself' finish -- I appreciate it. Have a great day!
Comment from DonandVicki
you pulled me into the story quickly with your opening paragraph, and then you held my attention throughout the rest of the story with your well-crafted dialogue.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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you pulled me into the story quickly with your opening paragraph, and then you held my attention throughout the rest of the story with your well-crafted dialogue.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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Wow - thank you for the wonderful comments and for your taking the time to read my story, DonandVicki! ;) :) It really means a lot that you did so! :) :) I had fun with this one an it does an author's heart good to know that someone else seemed to enjoy it as well! :) :) You be sure to have a wonderful week's ending out there! :) :)
Comment from heart of Lou
Quite the fantastic story! It seemed like an Alice in Wonderland kind of dream when she went into the cabin and through a door and it became a church. And all the people who looked like her or like Bernard, it was creepy. Well-written!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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Quite the fantastic story! It seemed like an Alice in Wonderland kind of dream when she went into the cabin and through a door and it became a church. And all the people who looked like her or like Bernard, it was creepy. Well-written!
Comment Written 10-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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Wow - thank you for the wonderful comments and for your taking the time to read my story, Lou! ;) :) It really means a lot that you did so! :) :) I had fun with this one an it does an author's heart good to know that someone else seemed to enjoy it as well! :) :) You be sure to have a wonderful week's ending out there! :) :)
Comment from kiwijenny
every sinew, every taught muscle along the length ....taut..
"We don't follow you because we have to, Mel," Bernard's blue eyes shown with reverence and some other emotion I couldn't begin to believe in this crazy scenario, "We follow you because we choose to."
Love the ending and the raw imagery throughout
God bless
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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every sinew, every taught muscle along the length ....taut..
"We don't follow you because we have to, Mel," Bernard's blue eyes shown with reverence and some other emotion I couldn't begin to believe in this crazy scenario, "We follow you because we choose to."
Love the ending and the raw imagery throughout
God bless
Comment Written 10-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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Thanx for that grammar catch, kiwi -- seems that you read through your own longer writes so many times that, no matter how many you catch (cuz these are the ones the word processor misses too!), there's always a few that hang around! :) ;) And thank you for taking the time to read through this much longer story -- I do so appreciate your doing so!! :) :) Please be sure to have a wonderful week's ending! :) :)
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Thanks and your welcome
Comment from country ranch writer
DUE TO HER FATHERS INDISCRETION, SHE FINDS OUT IN TIME WHO SHE REALLY IS AND IS DUMFOUNDED. ALLS WELL ENDS WELL IN THE SWAP OF MYSTERY.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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DUE TO HER FATHERS INDISCRETION, SHE FINDS OUT IN TIME WHO SHE REALLY IS AND IS DUMFOUNDED. ALLS WELL ENDS WELL IN THE SWAP OF MYSTERY.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2018
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Thanx for stopping in for the lengthy read and review, country ranch, I do so appreciate your taking the time to read through my story. :) :) Have a wonderful week's ending, ma'am! :)
