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Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Bitter Root"Free verse poems
22 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image, Carol.
-Thanks for sharing the notes.
-You create a vivid word picture
of the bitterroot in the first
section and the story of
the chief in the second.
-This line stood out for me:
"The taste is bitter, memories sobbing"
and captures the theme
and subject of your poem.
-Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2018
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-Very nice image, Carol.
-Thanks for sharing the notes.
-You create a vivid word picture
of the bitterroot in the first
section and the story of
the chief in the second.
-This line stood out for me:
"The taste is bitter, memories sobbing"
and captures the theme
and subject of your poem.
-Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2018
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Thanks so much, Pam :))
Carol
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You are welcome, Carol.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Carol
Another fine poem of history and imagery
The history is often sad, especially in the last few centuries
and howls its tale in the winds.
Bitterroot, what an intriguing name, apt in so many ways
Imagine what a joyous part of nature the Salish once lived.
but then came the white plague.
Nicely done
Robert
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2018
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Hello Carol
Another fine poem of history and imagery
The history is often sad, especially in the last few centuries
and howls its tale in the winds.
Bitterroot, what an intriguing name, apt in so many ways
Imagine what a joyous part of nature the Salish once lived.
but then came the white plague.
Nicely done
Robert
Comment Written 10-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2018
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The plant is edible, apparently, but it doesn't sound very appetizing. Nor do the acorns that the Chumash used to eat here in Southern California, lol. But yes, I can imagine how it must have been to live in that valley before the time of the white plague...
Thanks for reading :))
Carol
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, yet another beautiful poem that describes what happened in the wistful mountains surrounding the land you love so much. Now, the Indians have got their monetary compensation, but they will never get their land back. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Hi Carol, yet another beautiful poem that describes what happened in the wistful mountains surrounding the land you love so much. Now, the Indians have got their monetary compensation, but they will never get their land back. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Ulla. I do love it so much, I wish the history wasn't so tainted. Nope they won't get the land back :(
Carol
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a wonderfully touching free verse, Carol. Great word choices combined with the sad and unjust fate of one of our native peoples. The entire poem and author's note are outstanding. Your knowledge of history impresses. Marilyn
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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This is a wonderfully touching free verse, Carol. Great word choices combined with the sad and unjust fate of one of our native peoples. The entire poem and author's note are outstanding. Your knowledge of history impresses. Marilyn
Comment Written 09-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Well, I just learned about that particular piece of history yesterday morning, and felt moved to write the poem. I love that there's so much information online, it's easy to read about new things.
Thanks for reviewing :))
Carol
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding. Atmospheric. Impressive and impacting. However, it does have minor spag nits, so I had to really weigh out whether to award a six or not. Since you usually edit, and it is truly exceptional aside from nits, I am going with it...
The imagery, flavor, substance (subject) and the unique, tight, polished phrasing all contribute to the six, along with fantastic phonetics and flow.
NOTES
History blows across this valley
like an ill wind.
Great opening line--sets the tone.
Mountains huddle close
on the west side,
spilling snowpack in dirty foam
to the waiting valley.
Superb personification. I think snow-pack would work better (*hyphenated)
Good extended personification here:
The sullen river moves tears north
to another river, and the Bitterroot waits,
close to the ground.
However, since you are not using bitterroot as a proper noun (a place) but a plant, it should not be capped. I also wonder if it should be two words(bitter root or bitter-root), maybe? Further, the comma after waits is not mandatory--suggest trimming it for smoother enjambment.
Nice line (note spag):
These pink stars would light the high country(,)
if you could only find one.
Good extended simile:
The taste is bitter, memories sobbing
as wind on canyon walls.
Potent lines:
Crows call out the forgery:
This is how the Flathead lost
the Bitterroot. (here, the cap is appropriate)
Love the way this part sounds read aloud with the R and WR and L and S sounds (note one capitalization typo):
Chief Jocko still rolls in the wrong valley;
his grave restless, his children fat
I(i)n row houses.
Powerful and impacting closing line (perfect!):
No millions can replace the lost years.
Great job!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Outstanding. Atmospheric. Impressive and impacting. However, it does have minor spag nits, so I had to really weigh out whether to award a six or not. Since you usually edit, and it is truly exceptional aside from nits, I am going with it...
The imagery, flavor, substance (subject) and the unique, tight, polished phrasing all contribute to the six, along with fantastic phonetics and flow.
NOTES
History blows across this valley
like an ill wind.
Great opening line--sets the tone.
Mountains huddle close
on the west side,
spilling snowpack in dirty foam
to the waiting valley.
Superb personification. I think snow-pack would work better (*hyphenated)
Good extended personification here:
The sullen river moves tears north
to another river, and the Bitterroot waits,
close to the ground.
However, since you are not using bitterroot as a proper noun (a place) but a plant, it should not be capped. I also wonder if it should be two words(bitter root or bitter-root), maybe? Further, the comma after waits is not mandatory--suggest trimming it for smoother enjambment.
Nice line (note spag):
These pink stars would light the high country(,)
if you could only find one.
Good extended simile:
The taste is bitter, memories sobbing
as wind on canyon walls.
Potent lines:
Crows call out the forgery:
This is how the Flathead lost
the Bitterroot. (here, the cap is appropriate)
Love the way this part sounds read aloud with the R and WR and L and S sounds (note one capitalization typo):
Chief Jocko still rolls in the wrong valley;
his grave restless, his children fat
I(i)n row houses.
Powerful and impacting closing line (perfect!):
No millions can replace the lost years.
Great job!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 09-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Wow, thank you for this review, your comments mean a lot to me. You know what happened with the punctuation is that I was feeling emotional having just learned about the forgery. I was listening to a recording by poet Richard Hugo and he talked about this as a prelude to one of his poems. Anyway, I do appreciate your help with that! Most of all I appreciate your very kind words about the poem itself!! You really made my day :)))
love,
Carol
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Yay! Thanks for sharing, dear. :-))) Love, rd
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Oops I forgot to nominate you!! I meant to :(
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Still can, any time, dear. Just go to the review and click on thumb icon. Much appreciated!
Comment from CD Richards
Yes, it's not only the flower that leaves a bitter taste. What a disgusting thing to have happened, almost in the 20th century. If they've received millions, and are growing fat, why are his descendents still living in row houses? In any case, taking people's land and/or possessions away, and then later throwing a wad of cash at them never works, as you've pointed out so well. Nice work, Carol.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Yes, it's not only the flower that leaves a bitter taste. What a disgusting thing to have happened, almost in the 20th century. If they've received millions, and are growing fat, why are his descendents still living in row houses? In any case, taking people's land and/or possessions away, and then later throwing a wad of cash at them never works, as you've pointed out so well. Nice work, Carol.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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The Native people tend to grow fat on the cheap food available to them, like white bread and fast food. Things seem to have improved on the Flathead Reservation since the time when I lived in the area, but I'm sure there's a lot of room for improvement. The forgery really shocked me - I don't know why. I guess nothing about human nature should surprise me anymore.
Thanks for reading, Craig, as always,
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
I relished your compelling, opening lines and use of personification to pay tribute to the land of the Salish. Your title reinforces the imagery and your final line is indisputable. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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I relished your compelling, opening lines and use of personification to pay tribute to the land of the Salish. Your title reinforces the imagery and your final line is indisputable. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 08-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Thanks so much, Joan. I'm going up to the Bitterroot for Thanksgiving, my dad lives there now. It's so beautiful, I wish it didn't have such a sad history.
Carol
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How wonderful to be with your Dad on Thanksgiving in such a beautiful place, even with its sad history. Enjoy- Joan
Comment from Gloria ....
A beautiful free verse, Carol. I much enjoy the crow calling out the forgery of the Chief's name to obtain the land fraudulently. Bitterroot indeed.
I much enjoy your historical poems and am waiting for the next. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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A beautiful free verse, Carol. I much enjoy the crow calling out the forgery of the Chief's name to obtain the land fraudulently. Bitterroot indeed.
I much enjoy your historical poems and am waiting for the next. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 08-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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The one coming up is more recent history :)
Thank you for enjoying the crow, I kind of enjoyed that part too. I pictured him hopping around in the branches of a Ponderosa pine :))
Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for the history lesson and introducing me to that lovely flower that can grow in such hard conditions and yet its bitter root provides food. I like how you personify the land itself to speak out about the injustice done. My favorite lines were:
"The sullen river moves tears north
to another river, and the Bitterroot waits,
close to the ground."
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Thanks for the history lesson and introducing me to that lovely flower that can grow in such hard conditions and yet its bitter root provides food. I like how you personify the land itself to speak out about the injustice done. My favorite lines were:
"The sullen river moves tears north
to another river, and the Bitterroot waits,
close to the ground."
Comment Written 08-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for reading my poem, and for mentioning those lines. I appreciate your support :))
Carol
Comment from Ben Colder
Not surprised about land grabbing. Jackson did to my people the Choctaw. I touch on the subject in my latest novel. Silent Hand Of God. Many here have bought it off Amazon. Please understand I am not asking you to purchase the novel but wish to encourage your write. Beautiful country and yes I think it is eatable.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Not surprised about land grabbing. Jackson did to my people the Choctaw. I touch on the subject in my latest novel. Silent Hand Of God. Many here have bought it off Amazon. Please understand I am not asking you to purchase the novel but wish to encourage your write. Beautiful country and yes I think it is eatable.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Oh I did not realize you had a book on Amazon, thanks for letting me know. I'm afraid this land grabbing is a common theme, but I was particularly disgusted by the forging of Chief Jocko's signature. Thanks, Ben, as always,
Carol