She should have left him.
She thought he might change.13 total reviews
Comment from tempeste
I don't think it's love these women feel but more a sense of dependence ...they feel that if they leave they will be lost and alone and so despite the violence they stay .
I think domestic violence grows in stages ..initially when she got bashed the first few times she may of still loved him but by the time he got to strangling her I really do think that she was still with him more out of habit/dependence than for love.
Sadly too may women don't find the strength to leave.
You made good use of the 50 words ..spot one the theme of fear ..I do like the artwork you provided too.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2018
  |
I don't think it's love these women feel but more a sense of dependence ...they feel that if they leave they will be lost and alone and so despite the violence they stay .
I think domestic violence grows in stages ..initially when she got bashed the first few times she may of still loved him but by the time he got to strangling her I really do think that she was still with him more out of habit/dependence than for love.
Sadly too may women don't find the strength to leave.
You made good use of the 50 words ..spot one the theme of fear ..I do like the artwork you provided too.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2018
-
Many thanks for your comments.
Comment from Hugh McDowell
Powerful flash fiction story. Great first sentence that pulls the reader in. Unfortunately, an occurrence that happens all too frequently. The line; "...besides she still loved him..." is a gem. Excellent. Hugh
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
|
Powerful flash fiction story. Great first sentence that pulls the reader in. Unfortunately, an occurrence that happens all too frequently. The line; "...besides she still loved him..." is a gem. Excellent. Hugh
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
-
Thank you so much High for your great review..
Comment from Pamusart
Jen. I had chest pain last night and did not tell my husband. Was kind of hoping it was a heart attack. But, it was just hiatal hernia and severe GERD. Guess it was the willing death in your poem that made me think of that. I was ready to go. Is this one of the contests that is over? Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
|
Jen. I had chest pain last night and did not tell my husband. Was kind of hoping it was a heart attack. But, it was just hiatal hernia and severe GERD. Guess it was the willing death in your poem that made me think of that. I was ready to go. Is this one of the contests that is over? Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
-
I do hope you are feeling better now Pam. Thanks for the review. Love Jen. X
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought you did a a good job expressing the violent attack against Jo. Tragically, this is not fiction and happens all too often. I made a couple of notes for your consideration.
Jo felt his hands around her neck but her screams were silent.--Technically, you have two complete sentences. I recommend a comma before you coordinating conjunction (but).
Why hadn't she taken the advice she'd been given. --This may have been rhetorical in nature, but I'd recommend a question mark.
They said this would happen eventually, should have left him while she could but she had nowhere to go,--Recommend a comma before but.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
|
I thought you did a a good job expressing the violent attack against Jo. Tragically, this is not fiction and happens all too often. I made a couple of notes for your consideration.
Jo felt his hands around her neck but her screams were silent.--Technically, you have two complete sentences. I recommend a comma before you coordinating conjunction (but).
Why hadn't she taken the advice she'd been given. --This may have been rhetorical in nature, but I'd recommend a question mark.
They said this would happen eventually, should have left him while she could but she had nowhere to go,--Recommend a comma before but.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 03-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
-
Thanks a lot Russell for your comments. Jen. X
Comment from Irish Rain
Wow. What a powerful entry. Isn't this often the way? Usually abuse victims imagine they are still in love, never realizing that love shouldn't feel like that. Good luck in this contest, wonderful!!
Blessings...
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
|
Wow. What a powerful entry. Isn't this often the way? Usually abuse victims imagine they are still in love, never realizing that love shouldn't feel like that. Good luck in this contest, wonderful!!
Blessings...
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
-
Thanks for your wonderful review
Comment from poesyapprentice
Start immediately catches readers attention. Spag ...given.(?) Run-on sentence... They said this would happen eventually, should have left him while she could but she had nowhere to go, besides she still loved him. Alternative-- They said this would happen eventually. She should have left him while she could but had nowhere to go; besides, she still loved him. Now that the technicalities are out of the way, I love the message here. Don't be Jo! I find it sad that even as the life is being choked out of her she is listing the reasons in her head that she didn't or couldn't leave. Sounds very much like an abused woman. I know-- I was one. Thank you for promoting your entry. Good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
|
Start immediately catches readers attention. Spag ...given.(?) Run-on sentence... They said this would happen eventually, should have left him while she could but she had nowhere to go, besides she still loved him. Alternative-- They said this would happen eventually. She should have left him while she could but had nowhere to go; besides, she still loved him. Now that the technicalities are out of the way, I love the message here. Don't be Jo! I find it sad that even as the life is being choked out of her she is listing the reasons in her head that she didn't or couldn't leave. Sounds very much like an abused woman. I know-- I was one. Thank you for promoting your entry. Good luck.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
-
Thank you so much for your comments.
-
You bet.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Too late is right.
Once an abuser goes past the point of "no return" someone's getting severely hurt--or worse!
The saddest part about this micro-flash fiction story is it really happens.
Many abused women, and perhaps a few men as well, find themselves caught up in this cycle of abuse until, finally, they're no longer just victims of abuse but another statistic.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
|
Too late is right.
Once an abuser goes past the point of "no return" someone's getting severely hurt--or worse!
The saddest part about this micro-flash fiction story is it really happens.
Many abused women, and perhaps a few men as well, find themselves caught up in this cycle of abuse until, finally, they're no longer just victims of abuse but another statistic.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
-
Thanks so much for your comments.
Comment from Air Spirit
This is a really good write..not only does this speak a powerful truth, it is an issue that is in the forefront of women's minds and hearts worldwide, particularly in light of the recent events and the Me Too Movement! Strong and powerful entry!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
|
This is a really good write..not only does this speak a powerful truth, it is an issue that is in the forefront of women's minds and hearts worldwide, particularly in light of the recent events and the Me Too Movement! Strong and powerful entry!
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
-
Many thanks for your comments. Much appreciated.
Comment from hari anand
Really loved it, the story of domestic voilence, may be, many women suffer at the hands of their husbands or beloved, reason they still loved them. Sad but true. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
|
Really loved it, the story of domestic voilence, may be, many women suffer at the hands of their husbands or beloved, reason they still loved them. Sad but true. Best of luck.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
-
Many thanks
Comment from Sugarray77
This is a great 50 word Flash entry!! Your handling of the fear factor was excellent. This reader could sense the horror of being the victim... again and now there is no hope. Good job!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
|
This is a great 50 word Flash entry!! Your handling of the fear factor was excellent. This reader could sense the horror of being the victim... again and now there is no hope. Good job!
Comment Written 01-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
-
Many thanks
