The Skeleton
A Halloween contest entry17 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
What another excellent read and a very Halloween story, I like the way this revolves around a visit to the graveyard and turns into what could be more sinister, very well written and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2018
  |
What another excellent read and a very Halloween story, I like the way this revolves around a visit to the graveyard and turns into what could be more sinister, very well written and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 25-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2018
-
Thank you kahpot for your good luck wishes and for your lovely review
Comment from Mary Hollingsworth
Hi Pam as always your rhythm and rhyme is always on point. The poem has a good spooky story line and the story holds the reader's attention and is not boring. Your imagery is always intriguing and always makes me wonder is this friction or non friction. Because you tell your stories so well. Makes you wonder. Thanks for sharing I enjoyed your Halloween treat.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
 |
Hi Pam as always your rhythm and rhyme is always on point. The poem has a good spooky story line and the story holds the reader's attention and is not boring. Your imagery is always intriguing and always makes me wonder is this friction or non friction. Because you tell your stories so well. Makes you wonder. Thanks for sharing I enjoyed your Halloween treat.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
-
Hi Mary. Most of my posts including this one are fiction. For non fiction I will say true story in my notes. Wow. You are too good to me. Thank you for the extra star and lovely review
-
You know you deserve everyone of them
Comment from Hayley Zemontas
A terrifying tale highlighting the horrors of the graveyard, especially during Halloween time with all the pranksters walking around in scary masks!
The one small critique I found is that I think you made an error by writing one line multiple times- 'it has the date of her first breath, and her full name and date of death, and also date of her first breath'. I assume you didn't mean to include this line twice? Other than that I really enjoyed the spooky vibe x
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
|
A terrifying tale highlighting the horrors of the graveyard, especially during Halloween time with all the pranksters walking around in scary masks!
The one small critique I found is that I think you made an error by writing one line multiple times- 'it has the date of her first breath, and her full name and date of death, and also date of her first breath'. I assume you didn't mean to include this line twice? Other than that I really enjoyed the spooky vibe x
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
-
Hi Hayley. Thank you for pointing that out. I changed the order of the lines and must have missed deletion no one of them. Thank you also for your spooky review. Lol
-
You?re welcome Pam x
Comment from meeshu
are you sure you didn't find some mushrooms on the way to the graveyard, Pam a very trippy Halloween write, I like it.....................meeshu
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
|
are you sure you didn't find some mushrooms on the way to the graveyard, Pam a very trippy Halloween write, I like it.....................meeshu
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
-
Funny meeshu. Thanks for the great review
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, cute ending. Such an innocuous way to say grandma has come back from the grave to share a couple of boos.
Great job Pam and a fine entry into the Hallowe'en skeeery contest.
I wish you much luck with the Contest Committee.
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
|
Ha, cute ending. Such an innocuous way to say grandma has come back from the grave to share a couple of boos.
Great job Pam and a fine entry into the Hallowe'en skeeery contest.
I wish you much luck with the Contest Committee.
Gloria
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Gloria for the good luck wishes and the lovely review
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, truly an intriguing write - I was totally absorbed in my read. The rhyming rhythm is fluid and moves easily in its flow, and is fully compliant with the prompt, with rhyme as its added feature, making it that much more enjoyable to read. Best of luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
|
In my opinion, truly an intriguing write - I was totally absorbed in my read. The rhyming rhythm is fluid and moves easily in its flow, and is fully compliant with the prompt, with rhyme as its added feature, making it that much more enjoyable to read. Best of luck in the contest...
Comment Written 23-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
-
Thank you evesayshi for your very lovely review
-
You are very welcome, Pam, my pleasure, I assure you...Eve
Comment from karenina
OH well then! I admit I was a bit surprised at your "little prick" comment.... (I wasn't expecting it from you!)---But darn if it didn't fit in with the generally creepy story of Halloween gone extremely scary! Frankly, grandma's "boos" would have rattled me more than anything else! BOO! (smile)
Karenina
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
|
OH well then! I admit I was a bit surprised at your "little prick" comment.... (I wasn't expecting it from you!)---But darn if it didn't fit in with the generally creepy story of Halloween gone extremely scary! Frankly, grandma's "boos" would have rattled me more than anything else! BOO! (smile)
Karenina
Comment Written 23-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
-
BOO! right back at you, lady. So nice to have you back. Thank you for your lovely review
-
I love Halloween.....the kids in costume, the jack o lanterns..
Some mulled cider....
Yum!
Comment from Mastery
LOL.. I love this, Pam! I got a big kick out of this poem all the way through and I think you may have the winner here. I can't remember what year, but I remember winning this contest years ago on here. LOL (In my poetry and short story days)
Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
|
LOL.. I love this, Pam! I got a big kick out of this poem all the way through and I think you may have the winner here. I can't remember what year, but I remember winning this contest years ago on here. LOL (In my poetry and short story days)
Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 23-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
-
Wow. Thank you so much Bob for all of the dazzling stars and really lovely and encouraging review. I have never even placed in a contest. I have only been here for six and a half months. Long enough. I just don?t seem to have what they are looking for. Thank you for the thought. Maybe this time. Take care
Comment from Air Spirit
I love your Halloween entry! Plus, having the grave be that of your grandma's, added to the suspense, horror and intrigue... I think my favorite stanza is "...It seems that someone's played a trick.
I hope I find the little prick.
I'm hiding now behind the stone,
and catch a whiff of his cologne.
I hear some footsteps to my right,
so I move left and out of sight.
Behind the tombstone's other side,
I peek and see a gun he hides..." I can almost visualize this haunting and taunting figure, looming large in the night, with a gun... and you trying to hide from side, by 'move left and out of sight' --- I feel the tension in the poem, and the fear... and I got a kick out of the ending '...I have some real disturbing news.
I heard my grandma say some boos..." Excellent!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
|
I love your Halloween entry! Plus, having the grave be that of your grandma's, added to the suspense, horror and intrigue... I think my favorite stanza is "...It seems that someone's played a trick.
I hope I find the little prick.
I'm hiding now behind the stone,
and catch a whiff of his cologne.
I hear some footsteps to my right,
so I move left and out of sight.
Behind the tombstone's other side,
I peek and see a gun he hides..." I can almost visualize this haunting and taunting figure, looming large in the night, with a gun... and you trying to hide from side, by 'move left and out of sight' --- I feel the tension in the poem, and the fear... and I got a kick out of the ending '...I have some real disturbing news.
I heard my grandma say some boos..." Excellent!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Cynthia for your usual wonderfully detailed review. Take care
Comment from Lady Jane
I realize now it's Halloween. - to maintain meter you could try revising to:
Agnizing now it's Halloween - and it sounds dark and mysterious too :)
agnize: be fully aware or cognizant of
Ok, maybe it wasn't supposed to, but I got a chuckle out of that ending. This reads like a horror story - LOL. Well done, Pam. Just the nit I found above, merely a suggestion, not in any way required. The flow, the rhyme, the spooky feel to the write all formed an excellent entry into the contest. I am sure this skeletal piece, haha, will grant great response. Good luck, girl!
Janelle
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
|
I realize now it's Halloween. - to maintain meter you could try revising to:
Agnizing now it's Halloween - and it sounds dark and mysterious too :)
agnize: be fully aware or cognizant of
Ok, maybe it wasn't supposed to, but I got a chuckle out of that ending. This reads like a horror story - LOL. Well done, Pam. Just the nit I found above, merely a suggestion, not in any way required. The flow, the rhyme, the spooky feel to the write all formed an excellent entry into the contest. I am sure this skeletal piece, haha, will grant great response. Good luck, girl!
Janelle
Comment Written 23-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
-
Hi Janelle.?I realize now it?s Halloween? has the right meter, doesn?t it? dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM, right? Am I missing something? Thank you for your suggestion and awesome review