You May Call Me Gee
An unlikely grim romance...14 total reviews
Comment from Marie Werner
Unexpected ending, and I loved the build up to it. The timeline break in the middle was well done and only enhanced the story.
I also liked the play with the names.
Good work!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Unexpected ending, and I loved the build up to it. The timeline break in the middle was well done and only enhanced the story.
I also liked the play with the names.
Good work!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed it! :) ;) I tried to give it an uplifting feel....but, you know, he is the Grim Reaper! :) :) Thanx for taking the time to read through and review, Marie, I do so very much appreciate it! :) ;) I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment from poetwatch
Yvette, I could learn a lot from you. Can you teach me? This is a great story. You have the flair of the pen. I've always written my random thoughts and a story would develop from my nonsense. I can see that I'm not in league with you though I have many stories to tell. I may begin dogging you steps, but I'll get there. This is an exceptional piece and a great entry for A Strange Summer Night.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
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Yvette, I could learn a lot from you. Can you teach me? This is a great story. You have the flair of the pen. I've always written my random thoughts and a story would develop from my nonsense. I can see that I'm not in league with you though I have many stories to tell. I may begin dogging you steps, but I'll get there. This is an exceptional piece and a great entry for A Strange Summer Night.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
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Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed it -- your comments and your rating have seriously made my entire week (and it's only Sunday)! :) ;) Thanx for taking the time to read through and review, poetwach, it means more than you know that you did so! :) ;) I tried to give it an uplifting feel....but, you know, he is the Grim Reaper! :) :) And, please feel free to dog my steps on my writing (although I don't make any promises!!) as I certainly find myself admiring your poetry -- think there's a magic to poetry that I just don't have....what is they say? If you have to work so hard at poetry, you're probably not a natural! :) :) LOL!
So different from my attempts at poetry, my writing stays with me and can sometimes keep me up at night when something's just 'not right' or unfinished! :) But, I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment from kathleenspalding
This is a well written and delightful story - I was waiting for the Grim Reaper reveal and you did it perfectly. Good pacing, dialogue, and descriptions. I did not notice any errors. Great job!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
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This is a well written and delightful story - I was waiting for the Grim Reaper reveal and you did it perfectly. Good pacing, dialogue, and descriptions. I did not notice any errors. Great job!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
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Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed it! :) ;) I tried to give it an uplifting feel....but, you know, he is the Grim Reaper! :) :) Thanx for taking the time to read through and review, Kathleen, it means more than you know that you did so! :) ;) So different from my poetry, my writing can sometimes keep me up at night when something just 'not right' or unfinished! :) But, I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
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:-)
Comment from Nanny 6
I thoroughly enjoyed your story... It is very well written keeps the reader engaged, and has a really nice ending :-) this one got my vote! Good luck in the contest.
Judy
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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I thoroughly enjoyed your story... It is very well written keeps the reader engaged, and has a really nice ending :-) this one got my vote! Good luck in the contest.
Judy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed it, Judy! :) ;) I tried to give it an uplifting feel....but, you know, he is the Grim Reaper! :) :) LOL! Thanx for taking the time to read through and review -- it means more than you know that you did so! :) ;) So different from my poetry, my writing can sometimes keep me up at night when something just 'not right' or unfinished! :) But, I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment from Sugarray77
Excellent job on this tale with its twists and turns. Your author's notes helped clarify a few points. Thanks. The development of the dialogue between the two dominant characters appeared well thought out and flowed logically. Good structure and depth. Regards.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Excellent job on this tale with its twists and turns. Your author's notes helped clarify a few points. Thanks. The development of the dialogue between the two dominant characters appeared well thought out and flowed logically. Good structure and depth. Regards.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed it, Sugarray! :) ;) I tried to give it an uplifting feel....but, you know, he is the Grim Reaper! :) :) Thanx for taking the time to read through and review, Gary, it means more than you know that you did so! :) ;) So different from my poetry, my writing can sometimes keep me up at night when something just 'not right' or unfinished! :) But, I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment from Adri7enne
It was an interesting, entertaining read, Y. But if I'm to be honest, it sailed past me. I figured G. was the Grim Reaper and she worked in a morgue but I didn't get why he rode the bus with her and walked her home. And she was attracted to him but aware he was much too old for her. I still haven't figured if she knew who he was. Why did she think he escorted her home? And the age thing? So, he comes back as a younger version of himself and interviews for a job at the morgue? She wanted to meet a younger version of him and he comes back as a younger version. So, did he come back to carry her off into death? Left me confused. Good luck in the contest, Y. Good thing there are smarter people than me out there, uh? Lol!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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It was an interesting, entertaining read, Y. But if I'm to be honest, it sailed past me. I figured G. was the Grim Reaper and she worked in a morgue but I didn't get why he rode the bus with her and walked her home. And she was attracted to him but aware he was much too old for her. I still haven't figured if she knew who he was. Why did she think he escorted her home? And the age thing? So, he comes back as a younger version of himself and interviews for a job at the morgue? She wanted to meet a younger version of him and he comes back as a younger version. So, did he come back to carry her off into death? Left me confused. Good luck in the contest, Y. Good thing there are smarter people than me out there, uh? Lol!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Hey, Adri7enne -- don't sweat it...I know some of my writes are kindof odd for some. Overall, I've gotten some pretty good reviews so, I'll call it a win. Of course, it won't actually be a 'win', but you know what I mean! :) :) LOL! So different from my poetry, my writing can sometimes keep me up at night when something's just 'not right' or unfinished! :) But, I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
I wonder if you've had a lot of folk mention your font. I usually view fanstory on 125% but even I had to enlarge this post. lol
she felt her insides un-knot as she watched - this should start with a capital.
But then she shrugged it off and accepted his hand's assitance. - assistance.
you still have a reliance on adverbs in places, frequently pairing them.
as he always did before turning disappearing into the night- perhaps a comma or a conjunctive after turning.
"We-e-e-ell-ll...," she prompted - you don't need the comma when using the ellipsis.
with an accent as was proper for the sir name - surname?
I have to say though that the dripping of information about Gee was immediately undercut by the description line and the picture you used. I think this would have worked so much better without the 'on the nose' aspect of these things.
As a side note, the author's notes don't really make sense. you say it's just a name but it was used on purpose, so the allusion is there and intentionally so.
the piece is a good one, but its 'power' and impact I feel were lost somewhat due to the blatant telegraphing.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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hi there,
I wonder if you've had a lot of folk mention your font. I usually view fanstory on 125% but even I had to enlarge this post. lol
she felt her insides un-knot as she watched - this should start with a capital.
But then she shrugged it off and accepted his hand's assitance. - assistance.
you still have a reliance on adverbs in places, frequently pairing them.
as he always did before turning disappearing into the night- perhaps a comma or a conjunctive after turning.
"We-e-e-ell-ll...," she prompted - you don't need the comma when using the ellipsis.
with an accent as was proper for the sir name - surname?
I have to say though that the dripping of information about Gee was immediately undercut by the description line and the picture you used. I think this would have worked so much better without the 'on the nose' aspect of these things.
As a side note, the author's notes don't really make sense. you say it's just a name but it was used on purpose, so the allusion is there and intentionally so.
the piece is a good one, but its 'power' and impact I feel were lost somewhat due to the blatant telegraphing.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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Thanx for your review, G, and I put the original pic back up (of the streetcar back home). And thanx for the recommendations on grammar and such -- always so very much appreciated. Hope you have a great weekend! :) ;) Yvette
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story of a strange summer night. It is often a mystery why some people feel more attracted to others than normal, in the end, it seems they were meant to meet and had possibly met in a previous life too.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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A very well-written story of a strange summer night. It is often a mystery why some people feel more attracted to others than normal, in the end, it seems they were meant to meet and had possibly met in a previous life too.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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Thanx for taking the time to read through and review, Sandra, I do so very much appreciate it! :) ;) I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wonderful. You've earned my last six of the week. Exceptionally well written with a terrific ending. Lovvved it, and feel sure it will win. :)
To fix:
"But, look on the bright side, right?" Gee grunted in agreement. "I mean, it's a winner-winner... <--New paragraph when diff person speaks or acts. These sentences should look like this:
"But, look on the bright side, right?"
Gee grunted in agreement.
"I mean, it's a winner-winner chicken...
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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Wonderful. You've earned my last six of the week. Exceptionally well written with a terrific ending. Lovvved it, and feel sure it will win. :)
To fix:
"But, look on the bright side, right?" Gee grunted in agreement. "I mean, it's a winner-winner... <--New paragraph when diff person speaks or acts. These sentences should look like this:
"But, look on the bright side, right?"
Gee grunted in agreement.
"I mean, it's a winner-winner chicken...
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed it, and, oh my goodness, thank you for those wonderful stars -- you have really given my week's end the bright finale it needed to finish 'high'! :) ;) And I tried hard to give it an uplifting feel....but, you know, he is the Grim Reaper! :) :) So different from my poetry, my writing can sometimes keep me up at night when something just 'not right' or unfinished! :) But, I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
Comment from meeshu
I gave you such a rave review for this Yvette, it was passionate and articulate and heart-driven. then I pushed Save and I was not connected. I am back now but my momentum is not. a few highlights: I was really taken by the way you handled "Gee". he was obvious from the start, that can't be avoided, but you managed to keep him shrouded in mystery throughout the piece. that is a tribute to your talent as a storyteller. superb, Yvette!! now I'm going hit Save and if I'm disconnected again, I swear I'm going to take a hostage!...............meeshu
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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I gave you such a rave review for this Yvette, it was passionate and articulate and heart-driven. then I pushed Save and I was not connected. I am back now but my momentum is not. a few highlights: I was really taken by the way you handled "Gee". he was obvious from the start, that can't be avoided, but you managed to keep him shrouded in mystery throughout the piece. that is a tribute to your talent as a storyteller. superb, Yvette!! now I'm going hit Save and if I'm disconnected again, I swear I'm going to take a hostage!...............meeshu
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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Oh, I am so glad you enjoyed it! :) ;) I tried to give it an uplifting feel....but, you know, he is the Grim Reaper! :) :) Thanx for taking the time to read through and review, Gary, it means more than you know that you did so! :) ;) So different from my poetry, my writing can sometimes keep me up at night when something just 'not right' or unfinished! :) But, I actually have fun with all of my 'couple' writes and when I get to incorporate my 'fantasy side' it makes it even that much more enjoyable!! :) :) Always good to hear that someone else enjoys it, too! :) Thanx again for stopping by and be sure to take the time to find a little bit of fantasy in the sunset this evening....I promise you, it's there!! :) :) Yvette :)
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I was splendidly surprised when I read your work, Yvette. still a little miffed about my first review of it. Swine, Computer.
