FAMILY TIES.
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "A Floral Moral.""ALL IN THE FAMILY."
3 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smile to you rhonnie69
of how you made it fun to read your rhyming poem using some of your old sayings such as
"Wolf disguised
In sheep's clothes."
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Smile to you rhonnie69
of how you made it fun to read your rhyming poem using some of your old sayings such as
"Wolf disguised
In sheep's clothes."
Gert
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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HI THERE GERT: You've told me before I should better teach kids how to behave and not be too moralistic. Thank you for helping me. Gert, maybe you can help me show kids that there are consequences they'll have to face for disobeying their parents. I'm seeing far too much of it, Gert. Far too much. This time I used a clown to make it fun and funny. Cordially: Your friend: rhonnie69.
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You are welcome rhonnie69
Sounds like you don't have children (or do you have youngsters around
Gert
Comment from Lady Jane
"My parents told me
We know best." - remove open quotes from in front of 'my' and 'listen' then place in front of 'we' and end quotes after 'best' and 'rest' - like this:
My parents told me(,)
"We know best.
Listen to us
Ignore the rest."
I don't think this section needs quotes as it's you telling the story so it's understood you are speaking :)
"But foxy me
Was to blind to see."
"Just how right
Parents can be."
"Wolf disguised
In sheep's clothes."
"Make-ya-laugh photograph
Virtuous pose."
"Main feature...my pink rose."
And actually, the remainder also doesn't need quotes either... if you keep them, and it's the same person telling the story, you open at beginning and end quote at end of last stanza. No quotes in between :)
"Hey, Bunny...
Your rose is red.
Are you color blind?"
"No. I know, pink from red
I'll explain if you'll pay mind." - these two are different speakers so they can have open/end quotes in each stanza that help distinguish different point perspectives.
Hope that helps. What a unique story told from an interesting perspective. Thanks so much for sharing a lesson learned and note, the rhyme was steady and solid here. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Janelle
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"My parents told me
We know best." - remove open quotes from in front of 'my' and 'listen' then place in front of 'we' and end quotes after 'best' and 'rest' - like this:
My parents told me(,)
"We know best.
Listen to us
Ignore the rest."
I don't think this section needs quotes as it's you telling the story so it's understood you are speaking :)
"But foxy me
Was to blind to see."
"Just how right
Parents can be."
"Wolf disguised
In sheep's clothes."
"Make-ya-laugh photograph
Virtuous pose."
"Main feature...my pink rose."
And actually, the remainder also doesn't need quotes either... if you keep them, and it's the same person telling the story, you open at beginning and end quote at end of last stanza. No quotes in between :)
"Hey, Bunny...
Your rose is red.
Are you color blind?"
"No. I know, pink from red
I'll explain if you'll pay mind." - these two are different speakers so they can have open/end quotes in each stanza that help distinguish different point perspectives.
Hope that helps. What a unique story told from an interesting perspective. Thanks so much for sharing a lesson learned and note, the rhyme was steady and solid here. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Janelle
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
Comment from aryr
This was very well done, very creative actually. You definitely met the criteria indicated for the contest, good luck by the way. It had a great rhyme pattern, it was entertaining and somewhat educational (listen to one's parents) and was easy to read. Great picture. Thanks for sharing.
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This was very well done, very creative actually. You definitely met the criteria indicated for the contest, good luck by the way. It had a great rhyme pattern, it was entertaining and somewhat educational (listen to one's parents) and was easy to read. Great picture. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018