Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Swan Mountain Wrangler"Free verse poems
18 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I can see were free verse is far more descriptively prose like, it differs somewhat for form poetry Carol, I have to wrench my mind and rhyme, I guess that's why I write in,metaphoric, what am I doing? It's beautifully written. I had a peek at some of your reviews, one was a little overly critical and nitty. But one gets that Carol, you and Gloria are my writing heroes, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018
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I can see were free verse is far more descriptively prose like, it differs somewhat for form poetry Carol, I have to wrench my mind and rhyme, I guess that's why I write in,metaphoric, what am I doing? It's beautifully written. I had a peek at some of your reviews, one was a little overly critical and nitty. But one gets that Carol, you and Gloria are my writing heroes, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 01-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018
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Free verse is so different from form poetry, Roy, I agree - and I think it is much harder. Thank you so much for your kind words, you really made my day! Me and Gloria in the same sentence :)))
Thanks, you are a sweetheart!
Carol
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Good job,
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, First I want to say that the photo is actually taken from a rider's viewpoint astride his or her horse. Wonderful. It makes me want to ride again. Your poem, though is another story. I love it. The imagery is amazing. You paint a lovely picture with your words. I don't know Beargrass at all. They look lovely. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018
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Hi Carol, First I want to say that the photo is actually taken from a rider's viewpoint astride his or her horse. Wonderful. It makes me want to ride again. Your poem, though is another story. I love it. The imagery is amazing. You paint a lovely picture with your words. I don't know Beargrass at all. They look lovely. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 01-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018
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Yes I know the photo was taken by a rider. You should ride again, it is wonderful (as you know). You would not know Beargrass unless you have been to the high country of the Rocky Mountain states.
Thanks for stopping by :))
Carol
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Friend!
I smiled throughout my reading of your well-executed poetic offering. Your characterization of your guide in northwest Montana is priceless. I suppose that half of the reason your words resonate with me as I, too, just grin when folks comment on how I look as I garden! It is quite a sight to behold.
Just one very small nit: (S) she'll never leave this place;
P.S.
I'll never leave this place, either!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Hello Friend!
I smiled throughout my reading of your well-executed poetic offering. Your characterization of your guide in northwest Montana is priceless. I suppose that half of the reason your words resonate with me as I, too, just grin when folks comment on how I look as I garden! It is quite a sight to behold.
Just one very small nit: (S) she'll never leave this place;
P.S.
I'll never leave this place, either!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Hi, and thank you for this great review, I appreciate it. I fixed that nit, and found another in the process - thanks!
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing scenes of Northwest Montana and your contented guide. Your "broad shoulders of forest" is a most effective metaphor along with along with all your descriptions. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Thank you for sharing scenes of Northwest Montana and your contented guide. Your "broad shoulders of forest" is a most effective metaphor along with along with all your descriptions. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Joan - much appreciated! The workshop yesterday was great, so helpful. Are you going to Caffeinated Verse next Saturday? I am going to try to make it :))
Carol
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Unfortunately, we have three events on Saturday. Hopefully, we can make the next one. Enjoy- Joan
Comment from robyn corum
Carol, (4)
Ugh. I just wrote an extensive review for this piece and then lost it!! Grrrrr... I'm gonna try again but you may get a little short-.changed. Sorry. I'll try hard to stay strong!!! Haha.
You know I adore your writing. The only thing I don't like about it is that you don't do more. Ha! I really really want to encourage you to explore flash fiction. I think you might be surprised but you think you may find you have a hidden talent for it. Why not look up some contests (I can tell you where to go OR just create a challenge for you!) and go for it??
Okay- to this piece:
A beautiful setting. I'd never heard of these beargrass flowers but I'm in love!! And definitely a character that intrigues us. (Could have gone farther there, but a good start.).
The word choices and images were divine. Kudos!!
Now- negative notes:
1.) The torn leather lets water run right into them but
--> there are times to be wordy and times to be succinct. As a rule, streamlining sentences is almost always the better option (unless it's a moment in a story you want to s l o o o w things d o w n by adding narration, etc )
--> The torn leather lets water run right in but
2.) and we marvel at the names surrounding her. She says Nyack; Gunsight; Going-to-the-Sun;
--> are these horse names, site names, people names?
3.) but we amble easy beneath the broad shoulders of forest.
--> in proper writing, we'd say 'easily', but you seem to be writing this as 'speech' and you can get away with a lot in speech. Haha!! If you're trying to capture the mood of the moments this is perfectly appropriate
--> beneath the broad shoulders of (the) forest (canopy.)
4.) Spanish moss drips
between runnels of rain, and the green just blazes in wet light.
--> avoid qualifiers whenever possible (you can look them up, but they're words that 'qualify' or 'modify' other words. Check out this site for more info:
https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/qualifiers/
--> instead:
--> the vivid green blazes in wet light.
5.) often -- not always, but often, we leave people thinking about the last thing they read. So the last thing has a lot of emphasis. In the following:
--> We ride past the wide glacial flume
that is the river,
in solemn single file.
--> the focus seems to be on the fact that you rode single file. (I know, not a big deal if this were a novel. But in a piece with only a few dozen words, it starts to matter much more.)
--> We ride in a solemn single file past the wide glacial flume that is the river.
6.) (S)he'll never leave this place;
7.)Commas v semi colons
--> I can send you info on this if you like, but imo, you only need commas throughout-- you can sub commas in each place you have a sc.
Okay. I think that's everything. Haha!!
Let me know if you edit but don't let the four fool you - I reaaally enjoyed this. And I am so impressed by your talent. PLEASE spend more time with it!!! *smile*. Try that flash fiction and see what you think??
Thank you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Carol, (4)
Ugh. I just wrote an extensive review for this piece and then lost it!! Grrrrr... I'm gonna try again but you may get a little short-.changed. Sorry. I'll try hard to stay strong!!! Haha.
You know I adore your writing. The only thing I don't like about it is that you don't do more. Ha! I really really want to encourage you to explore flash fiction. I think you might be surprised but you think you may find you have a hidden talent for it. Why not look up some contests (I can tell you where to go OR just create a challenge for you!) and go for it??
Okay- to this piece:
A beautiful setting. I'd never heard of these beargrass flowers but I'm in love!! And definitely a character that intrigues us. (Could have gone farther there, but a good start.).
The word choices and images were divine. Kudos!!
Now- negative notes:
1.) The torn leather lets water run right into them but
--> there are times to be wordy and times to be succinct. As a rule, streamlining sentences is almost always the better option (unless it's a moment in a story you want to s l o o o w things d o w n by adding narration, etc )
--> The torn leather lets water run right in but
2.) and we marvel at the names surrounding her. She says Nyack; Gunsight; Going-to-the-Sun;
--> are these horse names, site names, people names?
3.) but we amble easy beneath the broad shoulders of forest.
--> in proper writing, we'd say 'easily', but you seem to be writing this as 'speech' and you can get away with a lot in speech. Haha!! If you're trying to capture the mood of the moments this is perfectly appropriate
--> beneath the broad shoulders of (the) forest (canopy.)
4.) Spanish moss drips
between runnels of rain, and the green just blazes in wet light.
--> avoid qualifiers whenever possible (you can look them up, but they're words that 'qualify' or 'modify' other words. Check out this site for more info:
https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/qualifiers/
--> instead:
--> the vivid green blazes in wet light.
5.) often -- not always, but often, we leave people thinking about the last thing they read. So the last thing has a lot of emphasis. In the following:
--> We ride past the wide glacial flume
that is the river,
in solemn single file.
--> the focus seems to be on the fact that you rode single file. (I know, not a big deal if this were a novel. But in a piece with only a few dozen words, it starts to matter much more.)
--> We ride in a solemn single file past the wide glacial flume that is the river.
6.) (S)he'll never leave this place;
7.)Commas v semi colons
--> I can send you info on this if you like, but imo, you only need commas throughout-- you can sub commas in each place you have a sc.
Okay. I think that's everything. Haha!!
Let me know if you edit but don't let the four fool you - I reaaally enjoyed this. And I am so impressed by your talent. PLEASE spend more time with it!!! *smile*. Try that flash fiction and see what you think??
Thank you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Well, funny you gave this a four, I have had many very good reviews on it, including at a poetry workshop yesterday. I think punctuation is very subjective, and we had a big discussion about that in the workshop (not about my poem specifically).
I will consider some of your suggested edits, such as the water running into the boots. As for the names - have you really never heard of the Going to the Sun Highway? I don't think it matters what they are names of, it's the names that inhabit the place.
The single file lines I could change to be one sentence.
I will edit it some, but probably not exactly what you are suggesting. It's also funny b/c my husband was really critical of this, but our poet laureate friend said it is wonderful - so I'm kind of going with that.
Thanks, Robyn,
Carol
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I would definitely go with that as well! Ha!!
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I?ve spent a lot of the night thinking of your reply and I?m very sorry if I offended you. That is never ever ever my intention. I always share what I?d want to know, and sometimes (probably far too often) I?m a bull in a china shop.
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Well obviously you are more than entitled to your opinions and what rating you choose. But the four star rating kind of got to me. That rating, and then saying that you adore my writing just don't match. Also, I am not sure why you were so strenuously suggesting I do Flash Fiction. Why? What does it have to do with this poem? Honestly, that doesn't really matter but it just struck me as odd (esp. based on the FF ratings I have had from you already). You did ask.
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I'm actually crying now. *smile* ANOTHER time that I try to remember why it is that I review others.
I went back and reread my notes to you and, though I may not have said the things well, I do still agree with them, and I wonder if you actually really 'read' the things and considered what I was saying and perhaps where I might have been coming from (in a positive way, maybe) or if (not trying to be rude, but I've had this happen before, and you probably have too) you simply compared my four rating against your other ratings (which I assume were wonderful, of course) and just thought I must be trying to find anything to remark on that might be considered ' WRONG' in some way. Because, if there were really things 'wrong' or that needed correcting, why hadn't others commented on them, right?
I get that.
What I can tell you is that I am totally serious about my reviewing. I guess I'd rather hurt your feelings and tell you the truth - IF IT MIGHT HELP YOU, than keep it to myself and take a pass.
I always, always, always try to treat other writers the way I want to be treated. It was a long, hard journey for me. I won't get into all of it, but suffice to say, I would have given anything for tips, ideas and hints - honest critiques, not fluff and pretty nonsense.
I told you I adored your writing and I do, but that doesn't mean that I didn't think I could offer suggestions.
Of course, THAT doesn't mean that you should TAKE all of them -- or ANY of them, for that matter. I don't claim to be the smartest gal in the room - not by a long shot. But I've seen and done enough to offer OPTIONS for you to consider. Out of all the reviews you got, how many people did that?
I also told you that I had written a much longer review and lost it, and I hate that, because I'm sure the first one was a bit prettier and 'spongier'.
I'm really, really upset. I hate that I've upset you. I hate that I upset people all the time.
The reason I suggest FF to you (and I realize this is not the first time I have told you that I wish you would focus on that genre) is because I DO believe you are SO stinking talented, and I guess, it's because it's a genre I happen to love a lot, and I just think you would shine there. Your free verse poems are often so beautiful and eloquent, they read more like stories, than a lot of 'poetry' and it just makes me think of what could be lying inside you. I don't happen to remember saying anything negative to you about FF -- but, then, I don't suppose I should be surprised, huh?
At this point, I will just skip your posts. I'm just sorry. I hope you'll try to understand and stay friends.
Though I do stand by my thoughts, I can certainly see how they could be construed as subjective and I'll change the rating. No worries. Hope you have a great week.
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Robyn, please do not be upset. I'm sure that you do not upset people all the time, and that you have a lot to offer to many people - here and in your life outside FS. What you choose to review is of course up to you. By the way, I did take a couple of your suggestions, thank you for that.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Beautiful poem. Reminds me of a horse ranch we visited often in TN. The owners had cut narrow trails through the Smoky Mountains. Such gorgeous scenery, not to mention exciting, challenging rides.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Beautiful poem. Reminds me of a horse ranch we visited often in TN. The owners had cut narrow trails through the Smoky Mountains. Such gorgeous scenery, not to mention exciting, challenging rides.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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I would love to see Tennessee and that area of the country, I bet it is beautiful.
Thanks, Phyllis,
Carol
Comment from dragonpoet
It sure sounds like this guide loves her life and knows the area well. It sounds like she cares more for the land and her job than her clothes. You provide strong images of the path.
Keep writings
Joan
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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It sure sounds like this guide loves her life and knows the area well. It sounds like she cares more for the land and her job than her clothes. You provide strong images of the path.
Keep writings
Joan
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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THank you, Joan :))
Carol
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Any time, Carol.
Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem about a horse riding trip in the Swan Mountains. It is something my daughter will enjoy very much, she is a horse rider and like to partake in such trips.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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A very well-written free verse poem about a horse riding trip in the Swan Mountains. It is something my daughter will enjoy very much, she is a horse rider and like to partake in such trips.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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It's a nice place to do a trail ride! Glacier National Park :))
Carol
Comment from nancy_e_davis
What a great picture Carol. You write about so many interesting places. We don't hear a lot about Montana and I can see why. Who would want to share such a beautiful place with the rest of the world so they could trash it too. Interesting poem about an interesting person. Well done. Nancy :)
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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What a great picture Carol. You write about so many interesting places. We don't hear a lot about Montana and I can see why. Who would want to share such a beautiful place with the rest of the world so they could trash it too. Interesting poem about an interesting person. Well done. Nancy :)
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Lol, yes we are trying to keep it a secret. Thanks, Nancy, I guess I envied that girl even if she didn't have the money to buy new boots.
Carol
Comment from Pantygynt
THe prose writers have a saying, 'show don't tell' and in the first stanza you show us so much,ostensibly showing us the leader of this trek. Although this is a poem about this girl who is so at one with her environment we are also treated to to the view, the weather and the quiet horses that are so at one with this soggy but beautiful countryside.
This is free verse working as it should, unrestricted by a given form yet using many features of more formal poetry. this has a kind of concealed rhythm that plods lightly along through the idyllic countryside.
The longer lines are never a syllably longer than they need be to make their point, while the short lines sway with the horses tailes through the damp but beautiful countryside.
Touching on the girl's mild curiosity about her charges brings the party alive as well as telling us yet more about this utterly contented individual at one with her world despite her leaky boots.
Were it possible to award more than six stars I would do so.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018
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THe prose writers have a saying, 'show don't tell' and in the first stanza you show us so much,ostensibly showing us the leader of this trek. Although this is a poem about this girl who is so at one with her environment we are also treated to to the view, the weather and the quiet horses that are so at one with this soggy but beautiful countryside.
This is free verse working as it should, unrestricted by a given form yet using many features of more formal poetry. this has a kind of concealed rhythm that plods lightly along through the idyllic countryside.
The longer lines are never a syllably longer than they need be to make their point, while the short lines sway with the horses tailes through the damp but beautiful countryside.
Touching on the girl's mild curiosity about her charges brings the party alive as well as telling us yet more about this utterly contented individual at one with her world despite her leaky boots.
Were it possible to award more than six stars I would do so.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comments. Not all of my reviews have been great, although most were - interesting. The quality of free verse is subjective I suppose.
Carol
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I found only one that was a four star effort. I felt the reviewer thought they were reviewing a piece of prose. They certainly don't understand free verse.