Derailed
My life had derailed.74 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline O.
There are so many great things going on in this writing. On the surface level, the writing itself is superb: well structured and with active nouns and verbs, it conveys a vivid retelling of this event and provokes strong imagery. Second, you have a great line of internal development running throughout as well, using the wreck as a metaphor for the narrator's own life. I liked the line "my life barreled down the wrong tracks/ before I knew tracks existed", and also the repetition of "wail" in the last stanza. Thank you for submitting- this was a beautiful work!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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There are so many great things going on in this writing. On the surface level, the writing itself is superb: well structured and with active nouns and verbs, it conveys a vivid retelling of this event and provokes strong imagery. Second, you have a great line of internal development running throughout as well, using the wreck as a metaphor for the narrator's own life. I liked the line "my life barreled down the wrong tracks/ before I knew tracks existed", and also the repetition of "wail" in the last stanza. Thank you for submitting- this was a beautiful work!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Oh, thank you, Jacqueline O., for your thoroughly engaging and accurate review on the many levels that my poem operated on. I appreciate it.
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, an "Exceptional" rating here is the only one I could consider - this lyrical free verse account held me, completely absorbed, mesmerized really - well written and dramatically accurate. The author's notes were much appreciated...
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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In my opinion, an "Exceptional" rating here is the only one I could consider - this lyrical free verse account held me, completely absorbed, mesmerized really - well written and dramatically accurate. The author's notes were much appreciated...
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Thank you, evesayshi, for your generous, six star review. I'm glad you found my poem absorbing. I knew I had the potential to write an "exceptional" poem when I interwove the wreck with my life at the time. Thanks.
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You are very welcome, Andre, a superb write - congratulations for writing such an outstanding piece and sharing it with us...Eve
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Wow! This poem has great imagery and the memories are still embedded inside you of that tragic night. These events make a lasting impression upon us and your recollection is still vivid here, I liked the reference to the tracks and you falling the wrong side of them, a very clever reference within the context here, your words are profound and poignant, you ruffled my feathers, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Wow! This poem has great imagery and the memories are still embedded inside you of that tragic night. These events make a lasting impression upon us and your recollection is still vivid here, I liked the reference to the tracks and you falling the wrong side of them, a very clever reference within the context here, your words are profound and poignant, you ruffled my feathers, love Dolly x
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Yes, Dolly, these memories have been embedded inside me for half a century. I had to do some digging to unearth them. My first shock came when I found the newspaper articles that correlate to the chemical train derailment that impacted my family. Thank you for your generous, six star review. I'm glad my poem ruffled your feathers.
Comment from kleck140
Wow! Your poem tells a great story. I was raised next
to a railroad crossing, 100 ft from our driveway. I can relate
to the whistles and sounds of the train and how haunting the sound may be. Your story is well told. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Wow! Your poem tells a great story. I was raised next
to a railroad crossing, 100 ft from our driveway. I can relate
to the whistles and sounds of the train and how haunting the sound may be. Your story is well told. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Thank you, kleck410, for your encouraging review. Even today there are tracks a hundred feet from my condo. Sometimes I worry that a derailment might happen there as well. Thanks again.
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You are most welcome!
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You are welcome!
Comment from nomi338
The senseless act of an individual or individuals can have results that last for a lifetime or longer. When the decision is made to sabotage something like a passenger or freight train, the perpetrators have no idea how the lives of others may be affected. When a person chooses to sabotage the life of his or her family by making a selfish choice, they have no idea how the lives of other may be affected. Your poem has levels of depth that speak to me in ways few poems ever have.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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The senseless act of an individual or individuals can have results that last for a lifetime or longer. When the decision is made to sabotage something like a passenger or freight train, the perpetrators have no idea how the lives of others may be affected. When a person chooses to sabotage the life of his or her family by making a selfish choice, they have no idea how the lives of other may be affected. Your poem has levels of depth that speak to me in ways few poems ever have.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Yes, nomi338, the three teens who caused the derailment of a passenger train five years before the derailment described in my poem were caught. They judge sentenced them to each pay a $75 fine and write a 6,000 word essay. One boy had to write about railroad safety devices, another boy wrote about the history of the Southern Pacific, and the third wrote about the history of railroad disasters. I used to think these boys got off easy, but I applaud the judge for forcing the boys to think about the consequences of their actions. Unfortunately, others did not get the message because I found articles about dozens of derailments and attempted derailments happening along the same section of track in the 1960s and 1970s, including the 1968 derailment that impacted my family and thousands.
Thank you for your review.
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The real tragedy jere is that those who did not learn from this will keep on doing stupid s**t until somebody dies and they will go to their graves with the stain of stupidity on their souls
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Sis, this is such a well written free verse. I enjoyed the read and really found myself wanting more. The following piece moved me and I wondered what happened to your father. The measure of a good piece of work is when the reader wants more.
He disappeared from my early life so often,
we lacked time to bond.
My life barreled down the wrong tracks
before I knew tracks existed............ Good luck in the contest. Dorothy x
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Hi Sis, this is such a well written free verse. I enjoyed the read and really found myself wanting more. The following piece moved me and I wondered what happened to your father. The measure of a good piece of work is when the reader wants more.
He disappeared from my early life so often,
we lacked time to bond.
My life barreled down the wrong tracks
before I knew tracks existed............ Good luck in the contest. Dorothy x
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Dorothy, for your review and wishing me good luck in the contest. At the time, my father was a potter who moved out of his house to spend much of his time at his studio or touring. Thank you for wishing me good luck in the contest.
Comment from dmt1967
I take it this is poetic licence as, for you to be their and able to comprehend, you must be about fifty-five now and, from your picture, you don't look old enough. The poem is well written with just enough emotion to make it interesting but not so much that it becomes melodramatic. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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I take it this is poetic licence as, for you to be their and able to comprehend, you must be about fifty-five now and, from your picture, you don't look old enough. The poem is well written with just enough emotion to make it interesting but not so much that it becomes melodramatic. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Yes, dmt1967, as a four year old I did not comprehend what was going on, but I remember my mother going up to a National Guardsman later that night and asking what had happened. He told her it was a chemical train derailment. Even as a kid, I did not know what that meant, but that detail stuck. Thank you for your review.
Comment from lyenochka
Andre! So good to see you back! I wondered where you were but figured you were too busy with performances.
Wonderful free verse poem that took a frightening memory of childhood and tied it into an adult understanding of world events in history to show us how we all can be so easily derailed.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Andre! So good to see you back! I wondered where you were but figured you were too busy with performances.
Wonderful free verse poem that took a frightening memory of childhood and tied it into an adult understanding of world events in history to show us how we all can be so easily derailed.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Oh, thank you, Helen, for your generous, six star review of my poem on this frightening memory. No, I have not been busy performing but studying hundreds of poems and practicing guitar. It's good to be back. Thanks again.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is an excellent free verse poem, Andre. The reader feels part of the scenes as you describe them, the confusion, the chaos. Great job with this fine piece. Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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This is an excellent free verse poem, Andre. The reader feels part of the scenes as you describe them, the confusion, the chaos. Great job with this fine piece. Marilyn
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Yes, Marilyn, it was a horrible incident being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night and to have to flee our home for our lives. It was chaotic and confusing for me. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
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An excellent poem. It's hard for little kids (or adults) to grasp being dragged out of bed for something so scary. Your mom was right on it. Marilyn
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this contest entry. It flowed smoothly and the emotion was strong. I am happy for the opportunity to read one of your poems again. I've missed your posting. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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I enjoyed reading this contest entry. It flowed smoothly and the emotion was strong. I am happy for the opportunity to read one of your poems again. I've missed your posting. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Barbara, for your review and contest well wishes. It's good to be back. I'm glad you found the emotions strong.
