Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "FOW Play"All chapters
9 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Brennan does a good job of sizing up Livingston and the associates with him. Brennan gives the bank president an update on LaScola and has a police officer take them to the hospital to check on her. When Livingston finds out that Sterling has been having an affair while married to LaScola, he insists that they violated company policy. Since when do employees follow company policy? Livingston wil get an earful about Sterling's other bad deeds. Excellent development and I enjoy the touches of humor. judi
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Brennan does a good job of sizing up Livingston and the associates with him. Brennan gives the bank president an update on LaScola and has a police officer take them to the hospital to check on her. When Livingston finds out that Sterling has been having an affair while married to LaScola, he insists that they violated company policy. Since when do employees follow company policy? Livingston wil get an earful about Sterling's other bad deeds. Excellent development and I enjoy the touches of humor. judi
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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I want to thank you for your comprehensive review.
I enjoy writing humor and I'm glad you enjoy reading it. Thanks for the compliments.
I like the way you sized up this chapter.
Marv
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You're very welcome, Marvin. Sorry I was so slow getting to this, but private messages have been piling up. Great story you have going. judi
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I always appreciate your feedback whenever you're able.
Comment from Earl Corp
Jumping into the middle of a crime/mystery story gives me the opportunity to judge the chapters on their own merit. While reading the whole book gives you better insight, a chapter should be enough to grab the readers attention.
This is the criteria I judge on
1. The writing is clean, understandable, and suited for the reader--Check I actually thought the chapter was very close to Michael Connely's writing style.
2. The chapter builds on the mystery-- Check
3. The chapter grabs my attention-- Check
4. When I'm done reading I'm disappointed there isn't more-- Double check!!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Jumping into the middle of a crime/mystery story gives me the opportunity to judge the chapters on their own merit. While reading the whole book gives you better insight, a chapter should be enough to grab the readers attention.
This is the criteria I judge on
1. The writing is clean, understandable, and suited for the reader--Check I actually thought the chapter was very close to Michael Connely's writing style.
2. The chapter builds on the mystery-- Check
3. The chapter grabs my attention-- Check
4. When I'm done reading I'm disappointed there isn't more-- Double check!!
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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This may be the best review I've ever received, Earl. Up to now, no reviewer has used a check list, at least not to my knowledge.
It's very gratifying to have a chapter judged that way.
Thanks for reviewing. Thanks for the five stars and thanks for the compliments.
I'd like you to read the back cover blurb, if you have time.
Thanks again, Marv
Comment from WildWithWords
A little confusing on first read, but the dialogue is sharp and the sarcasm regarding the siren most welcome, though it did seem an over-reaction. However I'm sure it's in keeping with the character's earlier personality throughout the story to now.
Not at all a bad write.
Bill (WildWithWords)
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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A little confusing on first read, but the dialogue is sharp and the sarcasm regarding the siren most welcome, though it did seem an over-reaction. However I'm sure it's in keeping with the character's earlier personality throughout the story to now.
Not at all a bad write.
Bill (WildWithWords)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Bill, for your review.
The sarcasm was an over-reaction, but the case, which is not the typical/ murder/bank robbery case detective Brennan thought it would be, is getting to him.
Thanks for the compliments and I appreciate the five stars.
Marv
9-12-18
9-12-18
Comment from Oceanna Sands
Even though I was a little confused about the characters since I hadn't read the previous chapters, I was intrigued by the characters and their interaction. I would like to read more.
Oceanna
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Even though I was a little confused about the characters since I hadn't read the previous chapters, I was intrigued by the characters and their interaction. I would like to read more.
Oceanna
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Your review is music to my ears. I hope you'll stick it out til the end. (The end is near.)
I like the sound of intriguing characters. Thanks for that and the five stars.
Marvin
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow -- this is certainly an intriguing storyline/action sequence here -- having not 'been in on it' since the beginning, I don't know the characters well, but your action and dialogue were very easy to follow here. :) ;)
Just a note that you should look at the 'special characters' that have been introduced in your author notes/end of write...it makes them unintelligible. :(
Thank you for sharing! :)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Wow -- this is certainly an intriguing storyline/action sequence here -- having not 'been in on it' since the beginning, I don't know the characters well, but your action and dialogue were very easy to follow here. :) ;)
Just a note that you should look at the 'special characters' that have been introduced in your author notes/end of write...it makes them unintelligible. :(
Thank you for sharing! :)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
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Welcome aboard. Y. M.
Thanks for the kind words.
Here's the part you're referring to:
The most popular title for this short story is ?FOW Play.? Please ignore any reference to ?Loophole? in this post.
I hope this version is legible.
Thank you for the five stars.
Marv
Comment from l.d.lauritzen
Like your dialog. sounds realistic and flows.
I have a better picture of the clothing than the people. Hair color, something that might give me an indication of age, or physical abilities or limitations like glasses, etc. might define the characters more sharply.
In reading, I notice italics indicate thoughts of the character-so when you use; they may even let you play with the siren in italics-the Brennan thought should be left off. If you want to include the tag leave the entire thing in regular type. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Like your dialog. sounds realistic and flows.
I have a better picture of the clothing than the people. Hair color, something that might give me an indication of age, or physical abilities or limitations like glasses, etc. might define the characters more sharply.
In reading, I notice italics indicate thoughts of the character-so when you use; they may even let you play with the siren in italics-the Brennan thought should be left off. If you want to include the tag leave the entire thing in regular type. Keep writing.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you very much for the first part of your review. I plead guilty. As for the second part, I appreciate that, also.
'Keep writing' is always nice to hear.
Thanks for everything.
Marv
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Marv,
Hmmm. So, the plot thickens. I do wonder what will become of Mr. Sterling now that he's been found out. What his role, if any, in the shooting?
A note,
'"But Mr. Sterling is married to Gertrude La Scola."
(missing line space)
"Why that's impossible," Mr.Lvingston Livingston said. "We have a strict, No Relations policy . . . let me rephrase that.
I need to go back and reacquaint myself with this storyline - I am kind of lost here. (Sorry!)
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Hi, Marv,
Hmmm. So, the plot thickens. I do wonder what will become of Mr. Sterling now that he's been found out. What his role, if any, in the shooting?
A note,
'"But Mr. Sterling is married to Gertrude La Scola."
(missing line space)
"Why that's impossible," Mr.
I need to go back and reacquaint myself with this storyline - I am kind of lost here. (Sorry!)
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thanks, Patty, for this review.
Sterling's outcome is yet to be indicated. I hope you get caught up, but if you don't have time, it's understandable.
Marv
Comment from Nanny 6
Hi Marv...Things are getting pretty deep in this chapter... Enjoyed the quick read and your descriptions of your characters, once again you did a wonderful job with the chapter, look forward to the next one :-)
Judy
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Hi Marv...Things are getting pretty deep in this chapter... Enjoyed the quick read and your descriptions of your characters, once again you did a wonderful job with the chapter, look forward to the next one :-)
Judy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. We're winding down, Judy. I hope you hang around until the last chapter. There are are still surprises coming up. Thanks for reviewing, the compliments and the five stars. Marv
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I?m not going anywhere: )
Comment from Adri7enne
Good writing. Well done dialogue. Easy switching between characters. I haven't got the story line yet, but I'm starting to know the characters. I'm enjoying the mechanics of the writing. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Good writing. Well done dialogue. Easy switching between characters. I haven't got the story line yet, but I'm starting to know the characters. I'm enjoying the mechanics of the writing. Good chapter.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Your comments are great to read. Very reassuring. If you need clarification of anything, please let me know. Thanks for the compliments. Marv.
