Paper Dolls and Toy Soldiers
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "I Do Remember, But I Don't Tell"selections for seal submission
16 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Michael,
This was hauntingly lovely. It is a wonderful personification of the sea. It does hide its treasures, and secrets.
I would love to find Atlantis...someday.
Thank you for sharing more of your lovely free verse poetry,
~Mustang Patty~
  |
Hi, Michael,
This was hauntingly lovely. It is a wonderful personification of the sea. It does hide its treasures, and secrets.
I would love to find Atlantis...someday.
Thank you for sharing more of your lovely free verse poetry,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 11-Sep-2018
Comment from Sankey
A great little poem. Took me a few to figure out you were writing from the ocean's point of view. Loved the picture.Just wondering about the first line Certainly (space??) I am lonely. Did you see my new Rhyming poem entry? I think my tie for third in the other one has stirred up something as I think you predicted it might. Starting a new group soon. Watch out.
 |
A great little poem. Took me a few to figure out you were writing from the ocean's point of view. Loved the picture.Just wondering about the first line Certainly (space??) I am lonely. Did you see my new Rhyming poem entry? I think my tie for third in the other one has stirred up something as I think you predicted it might. Starting a new group soon. Watch out.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great write mike for the Personification free verse. Your words, as we read the, really do sound like they could be thoughts of the ocean blue. You've brought in all the different moods of the ocean, calm, in repose, allows it for a time -
loved this and particularly the ending, bringing in Atlantis. Fabulous read,
cheers,
valda
|
Great write mike for the Personification free verse. Your words, as we read the, really do sound like they could be thoughts of the ocean blue. You've brought in all the different moods of the ocean, calm, in repose, allows it for a time -
loved this and particularly the ending, bringing in Atlantis. Fabulous read,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your wonderful use of personification draws the reader in, to pause to ponder your ocean's words and to feel what the ocean feels. I think the ocean carries the memories of others for them long after they've moved on to other lifetimes.. There is a wonderful fb page called London Mudlark. A woman allows others to share posts of their finds, but it is chiefly about her finds on the foreshore of the Thames River. There are actually medieval artifacts found. It is a fascinating fb page. Well expressed.
|
Your wonderful use of personification draws the reader in, to pause to ponder your ocean's words and to feel what the ocean feels. I think the ocean carries the memories of others for them long after they've moved on to other lifetimes.. There is a wonderful fb page called London Mudlark. A woman allows others to share posts of their finds, but it is chiefly about her finds on the foreshore of the Thames River. There are actually medieval artifacts found. It is a fascinating fb page. Well expressed.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a fantastic personification of the sea, Mav. I very much enjoy its predatorial nature that appears so serene and calm and in fact innocuous on the surface, so gentle in fact even corks just bob and play, but underneath that's a whole other story.
Super job with this and of course it was a writer that said the sea has no memory and another writer came along and said something entirely different.
Exceptional.
Ange
|
This is a fantastic personification of the sea, Mav. I very much enjoy its predatorial nature that appears so serene and calm and in fact innocuous on the surface, so gentle in fact even corks just bob and play, but underneath that's a whole other story.
Super job with this and of course it was a writer that said the sea has no memory and another writer came along and said something entirely different.
Exceptional.
Ange
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing the memorable line and giving its attribution in your notes. I am pleased the Club also inspired you to create this free verse. I admired your speaking in the voice of the ocean and found your "bobbing like corks" simile very visual. Cheers- Joan
|
Thank you for sharing the memorable line and giving its attribution in your notes. I am pleased the Club also inspired you to create this free verse. I admired your speaking in the voice of the ocean and found your "bobbing like corks" simile very visual. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem and personification of the ocean, the ocean always give back what it taken from the shore, and it always return to the ocean after reaching the shore.
|
A very well-written free verse poem and personification of the ocean, the ocean always give back what it taken from the shore, and it always return to the ocean after reaching the shore.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
Comment from country ranch writer
The sea is a mystery all that who travel on her take their life in their hands for at any given minute she can turn nasty as a woman gone mad. She will toss and turn you from stem to stern and give no apology.
|
The sea is a mystery all that who travel on her take their life in their hands for at any given minute she can turn nasty as a woman gone mad. She will toss and turn you from stem to stern and give no apology.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding POV, dear M. And your free verse style is original and fluid. Love your use of spacing and indent for dramatic pause and cadenced effect. This is a six star work for both the style and the substance!
Enjoyed this personification in particular:
I'm not without heart or whimsy
I do rest often
at my age, to stretch out
in repose
under a blue sky
is something we both delight in
from time to time
Nice descriptive and alliteration, etc:
I am amused
by the foolhardy little ones
singing songs of triumph
bobbing like corks
and tickling my surface
I enjoyed the witty ending:
Atlantis is real, you know ...
I've hidden it away
come find it
yes, come find it
Imaginative and deep (pun intended)
Love,
rd
|
Outstanding POV, dear M. And your free verse style is original and fluid. Love your use of spacing and indent for dramatic pause and cadenced effect. This is a six star work for both the style and the substance!
Enjoyed this personification in particular:
I'm not without heart or whimsy
I do rest often
at my age, to stretch out
in repose
under a blue sky
is something we both delight in
from time to time
Nice descriptive and alliteration, etc:
I am amused
by the foolhardy little ones
singing songs of triumph
bobbing like corks
and tickling my surface
I enjoyed the witty ending:
Atlantis is real, you know ...
I've hidden it away
come find it
yes, come find it
Imaginative and deep (pun intended)
Love,
rd
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
Comment from barbara.wilkey
One of the great things about these clubs is us reviewers are benefactors of them. I get to read great poems from authors like you. You definitely have a talent.
|
One of the great things about these clubs is us reviewers are benefactors of them. I get to read great poems from authors like you. You definitely have a talent.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018