Short Stories and Flash
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Great Sun Spirit"Misc Fiction
10 total reviews
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Of all the entries in the contest, this entry shows the greatest creativity, however, from my POV--in MHO, it is somewhat difficult difficult to discern who or what is talking. Because of the inclusion of the picture, I jumped to the conclusion it was a tutorial between two dolphins discussing humans. If I'm right, I think you might have shaved some words out of the dialogue and added a one-line intro sentence. Something as simple as the schools of fish (pun intended) visited the debris on the ocean floor the professor began the lesson.
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Of all the entries in the contest, this entry shows the greatest creativity, however, from my POV--in MHO, it is somewhat difficult difficult to discern who or what is talking. Because of the inclusion of the picture, I jumped to the conclusion it was a tutorial between two dolphins discussing humans. If I'm right, I think you might have shaved some words out of the dialogue and added a one-line intro sentence. Something as simple as the schools of fish (pun intended) visited the debris on the ocean floor the professor began the lesson.
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Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
Comment from Bill Schott
This one-hundred-word story, The Great Sun Spirit, let's us understand that we are the infestation and would be viewed as hopeless by an outside force. Dolphins and pigs are probably smarter, though they don't have opposable thumbs.
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This one-hundred-word story, The Great Sun Spirit, let's us understand that we are the infestation and would be viewed as hopeless by an outside force. Dolphins and pigs are probably smarter, though they don't have opposable thumbs.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
Comment from Adri7enne
There are times when I feel the only hope would be to start over again. Maybe with a different species....? Makes sense to me. I enjoyed your speculations. Good luck in the contest, author.
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There are times when I feel the only hope would be to start over again. Maybe with a different species....? Makes sense to me. I enjoyed your speculations. Good luck in the contest, author.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
Comment from damommy
It's all about what you see. If an alien landed in the ocean, I guess he'd think the whole world is liquid.
Great story for this flash fiction contest. Good luck.
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It's all about what you see. If an alien landed in the ocean, I guess he'd think the whole world is liquid.
Great story for this flash fiction contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
Comment from Neonewman
What an excellent entry you have masterfully crafted for this particular writing prompt. I found this to be a complete story(broadcast)and was captivating throughout.
God bless
Steve
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What an excellent entry you have masterfully crafted for this particular writing prompt. I found this to be a complete story(broadcast)and was captivating throughout.
God bless
Steve
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
Comment from nordicgirl
Love this. What any alien species would be quick to observe, we can't see to save our own lives or at least preserve the home we share. At least that's how I take this. Genius! NG
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Love this. What any alien species would be quick to observe, we can't see to save our own lives or at least preserve the home we share. At least that's how I take this. Genius! NG
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
Comment from oliver818
Excellent story, I really enjoyed it. You paint a fascinating view of earth in such an interesting way. Well done and best of luck with the competition
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Excellent story, I really enjoyed it. You paint a fascinating view of earth in such an interesting way. Well done and best of luck with the competition
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
Comment from royowen
This place sounds very much like us, the inhabited also sound they need to be civilised heh heh, the proposed explorers/conquerors/redeemers, have decided they ate a lost cause, the planet's doomed anyway, definitely sounds like us. Well done, good write, good luck, blessings, Roy
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This place sounds very much like us, the inhabited also sound they need to be civilised heh heh, the proposed explorers/conquerors/redeemers, have decided they ate a lost cause, the planet's doomed anyway, definitely sounds like us. Well done, good write, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
Comment from ciliverde
A most interesting very short story. I like the premise of it, very enjoyable to read. However, you use the word "prohibitive" twice and I wouldn't do that in such a short piece.
Suggest this (or similar) rewording:
We could propose transplantation as the planet is doomed, but at an overly high cost."
In the second paragraph I also have a suggestion:
I see in your report that while the infestation shows sentience, the rehabilitation was a failure?"
Great work overall, I love the premise and the way the 'infestation' is discussed by rather bureaucratic others :))
Carol
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A most interesting very short story. I like the premise of it, very enjoyable to read. However, you use the word "prohibitive" twice and I wouldn't do that in such a short piece.
Suggest this (or similar) rewording:
We could propose transplantation as the planet is doomed, but at an overly high cost."
In the second paragraph I also have a suggestion:
I see in your report that while the infestation shows sentience, the rehabilitation was a failure?"
Great work overall, I love the premise and the way the 'infestation' is discussed by rather bureaucratic others :))
Carol
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
Comment from A Fractal Heart
Great piece! I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment that you put forth and I do appreciate that the piece can either be read tongue in cheek or with dire sincerity. I adore duality in writing, well done!
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Great piece! I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment that you put forth and I do appreciate that the piece can either be read tongue in cheek or with dire sincerity. I adore duality in writing, well done!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018