FAMILY TIES.
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Bo Peep.""ALL IN THE FAMILY."
2 total reviews
Comment from phill doran
Oh Rhonnie - these are very good: do you make them up yourself or are you recycling stuff here: this one is very witty and also well presented.
I had difficulty with "...When Bo Peep came out the next day...", the rhythm of the text made me want to read "...When Bo Peep came out the very next day..." or something similar. The same with the last line - "Why not try closing the gate" has a length that is more consistent with the rhythm you have built into the words by that point - these are just thoughts: and most likely down to my accent rather than anything else.
Still - very funny this one.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
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Oh Rhonnie - these are very good: do you make them up yourself or are you recycling stuff here: this one is very witty and also well presented.
I had difficulty with "...When Bo Peep came out the next day...", the rhythm of the text made me want to read "...When Bo Peep came out the very next day..." or something similar. The same with the last line - "Why not try closing the gate" has a length that is more consistent with the rhythm you have built into the words by that point - these are just thoughts: and most likely down to my accent rather than anything else.
Still - very funny this one.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Rhonnie, this is so funny throughout, but you really set the reader up for a great ending. It didn't disappoint, a bit like life, it was obvious, but it took someone to point it out. Very witty and humorous. Good rhyming and a new take on an old favourite. IT also has appeal for all age groups and I always like that.
I saw no errors and found it a fun and entertaining poem to read and review, cheers, Ana.
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Hello Rhonnie, this is so funny throughout, but you really set the reader up for a great ending. It didn't disappoint, a bit like life, it was obvious, but it took someone to point it out. Very witty and humorous. Good rhyming and a new take on an old favourite. IT also has appeal for all age groups and I always like that.
I saw no errors and found it a fun and entertaining poem to read and review, cheers, Ana.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018