Briarly Hall
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "What now for Giovanni?"Historical fiction
3 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Zanya, I came late to this because I didn't want to miss a chapter. So Lady Betsey has received a letter from Italy that she can't read and there seems nobody around who can help her. I'll have to wait and see what happens. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Hi Zanya, I came late to this because I didn't want to miss a chapter. So Lady Betsey has received a letter from Italy that she can't read and there seems nobody around who can help her. I'll have to wait and see what happens. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Ulla thanks for reading zanya
Comment from WildWithWords
Zania,
This is my first read of your "Briarly Hall" and though period pieces are not my area of reading as a rule, it read very convincing to my eye. The common spoken language of the blacksmith resonated as correct and the traditional means of address and offer of aid also was in character....
"Lady Betsey", he called, " Lady Betsey, please allow me to accompany you on your
journey, out of doors, at this late hour".
It all paints a picture of professionalism in writing.
My only concern was one of editing. You should take a look at your presentation in terms of both the paragraph line spacing (which is present in most of the work and missing in others) and the separating of what should be a single paragraph into three paragraphs....
"As Butler Eames returned, he was distraught.
He wondered why Lady Betsey would rush out of doors, at such a late hour, unaccompanied.
Keeping watch from the latticed window in the pantry, he soon noticed Lady Betsey returning. Eames went to meet her".
To my eye the above should be all a single paragraph. Just a suggestion.
These are minor issues in the scheme of things, however presentation is a part of how readers and reviewers view the professionalism of someone ( like you and me) whose wish is to become professional writers.
We need to listen to their requirements or we are doing ourselves a disservice.
Best of luck for your novel's success.
Bill (WildWithWords)
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Zania,
This is my first read of your "Briarly Hall" and though period pieces are not my area of reading as a rule, it read very convincing to my eye. The common spoken language of the blacksmith resonated as correct and the traditional means of address and offer of aid also was in character....
"Lady Betsey", he called, " Lady Betsey, please allow me to accompany you on your
journey, out of doors, at this late hour".
It all paints a picture of professionalism in writing.
My only concern was one of editing. You should take a look at your presentation in terms of both the paragraph line spacing (which is present in most of the work and missing in others) and the separating of what should be a single paragraph into three paragraphs....
"As Butler Eames returned, he was distraught.
He wondered why Lady Betsey would rush out of doors, at such a late hour, unaccompanied.
Keeping watch from the latticed window in the pantry, he soon noticed Lady Betsey returning. Eames went to meet her".
To my eye the above should be all a single paragraph. Just a suggestion.
These are minor issues in the scheme of things, however presentation is a part of how readers and reviewers view the professionalism of someone ( like you and me) whose wish is to become professional writers.
We need to listen to their requirements or we are doing ourselves a disservice.
Best of luck for your novel's success.
Bill (WildWithWords)
Comment Written 06-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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HI Just to say how much I appreciate you taking time to read this chapter, but most especially your professional approach to critique and offering useful suggestions. Glad you enjoyed reading it ! Zanya
Comment from jeanne2011
It has the potential to be an intriguing story based on premise of a mysterious young boy in England with a connection to Italy. I thought the scene with Giovanni and the blacksmith was the most authentic, but having not read the previous chapters could only assume they were referring to WW1. When the Grandmother came into the scene I was struggling a bit with the point-of-view. This continued when the butler's POV was also introduced.
The arrival of the letter with a black bow seemed like the most dramatic event that occurred in this chapter and yet it was kind of buried near the end. Also it seemed odd that the butler would presume to question his mistresses "desire" to visit someone regardless. And it was a sort of confusing to be viewing the story from the butlers POV.
Overall intriguing premise, but would work on the POV, and if the main character is Lady Betsy show more of her feelings and emotions and perhaps give the reader a better understanding of her character in general. Is she a kindhearted or a just a rich snob?
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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It has the potential to be an intriguing story based on premise of a mysterious young boy in England with a connection to Italy. I thought the scene with Giovanni and the blacksmith was the most authentic, but having not read the previous chapters could only assume they were referring to WW1. When the Grandmother came into the scene I was struggling a bit with the point-of-view. This continued when the butler's POV was also introduced.
The arrival of the letter with a black bow seemed like the most dramatic event that occurred in this chapter and yet it was kind of buried near the end. Also it seemed odd that the butler would presume to question his mistresses "desire" to visit someone regardless. And it was a sort of confusing to be viewing the story from the butlers POV.
Overall intriguing premise, but would work on the POV, and if the main character is Lady Betsy show more of her feelings and emotions and perhaps give the reader a better understanding of her character in general. Is she a kindhearted or a just a rich snob?
Comment Written 06-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Thanks for taking time to read and a sincere word of thanks for those most useful suggestions- very much appreciated Zanya
