GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Joshua Returns"A child is born who will be a champion
7 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL, that'll teach him. I hope the dragon is on our side, and not a baddie? I want a dragon! It was lovely reading of Joshua's return, and I'm glad Nyla forgave her father, poor man, he lost a lot when he sent her away. Another fabulous chapter, my friend. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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LOL, that'll teach him. I hope the dragon is on our side, and not a baddie? I want a dragon! It was lovely reading of Joshua's return, and I'm glad Nyla forgave her father, poor man, he lost a lot when he sent her away. Another fabulous chapter, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Thank you!!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rox, I haven't followed this story, so just fallen into it so to speak. Fantasy writing is not normally my cup of tea, but I'm quite taken with this. Looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2018
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Hi Rox, I haven't followed this story, so just fallen into it so to speak. Fantasy writing is not normally my cup of tea, but I'm quite taken with this. Looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2018
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Thank you Ulla. I am kind of struggling with it, but need to get it done. Once I get going I seem to do okay, I think I've grown a bit tired of it, so write other things in between chapters to rest my brain. =} Thanks again. Rox
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Joshua has been welcomed back into the fold again. Everyone is delighted to see him, some to meet him. They get their first look at the dragon and learn not to be afraid.
Hamish is in trouble now. I am anxious to learn the truth about his problem. He was afraid of wolves and was carried off by a dragon. Good job Roxy:) Nancy
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Joshua has been welcomed back into the fold again. Everyone is delighted to see him, some to meet him. They get their first look at the dragon and learn not to be afraid.
Hamish is in trouble now. I am anxious to learn the truth about his problem. He was afraid of wolves and was carried off by a dragon. Good job Roxy:) Nancy
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thanks so much nancy. Rox
Comment from KyColonel Randal
Thank you for sharing. I love the setting and characters. My advice would be related to sections like this:
"Goran also made peace with Nyla, the daughter he had not seen in eighteen years.. He felt much shame because of his desertion and neglect of her. It was difficult for him to approach her, but he found her more than willing to forgive."
This information should be inferred by the reader or learned through character interactions--shown not told. I would use even more concrete description and dialogue and less explanation.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thank you for sharing. I love the setting and characters. My advice would be related to sections like this:
"Goran also made peace with Nyla, the daughter he had not seen in eighteen years.. He felt much shame because of his desertion and neglect of her. It was difficult for him to approach her, but he found her more than willing to forgive."
This information should be inferred by the reader or learned through character interactions--shown not told. I would use even more concrete description and dialogue and less explanation.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the advise and great review. I do appreciate it. Rox
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Roxanna,
I quite enjoyed the chapter.
Fantasy often has a mix of light and darkness and perhaps that's part of its magic.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Trust your intuition -- you're doing well.
Fantasy just blows me away so I'm already in awe of your writing
Blessings
Shirley.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Hi Roxanna,
I quite enjoyed the chapter.
Fantasy often has a mix of light and darkness and perhaps that's part of its magic.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Trust your intuition -- you're doing well.
Fantasy just blows me away so I'm already in awe of your writing
Blessings
Shirley.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much Shirley. You are too sweet. Rox
Comment from kathleenspalding
Ooo! Excellent cliff-hanger! Very enjoyable chapter moved right along and was easy to understand even though I've missed a lot of the story. A couple nits-
They soon regained their wits - every sentence in this paragraph begins with "They"
"This is Louis." - boy's name. Louise for a girl.
That [[is not - checking to make sure you don't mean 'has naught']] to do with me,
"Is [[It - it]] really you, cousin?" [[He - he]] asked
Joshua motion[[s - ed]] for Dyster to come forward.
Dak, Drake's son and Joshua's cousin[[,]] ran Goran, Joshua's grandfather[[,]] came (commas before and after appositives)
He saw them now and then [[looking - delete]]watching him.
That's it. Great job!
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Ooo! Excellent cliff-hanger! Very enjoyable chapter moved right along and was easy to understand even though I've missed a lot of the story. A couple nits-
They soon regained their wits - every sentence in this paragraph begins with "They"
"This is Louis." - boy's name. Louise for a girl.
That [[is not - checking to make sure you don't mean 'has naught']] to do with me,
"Is [[It - it]] really you, cousin?" [[He - he]] asked
Joshua motion[[s - ed]] for Dyster to come forward.
Dak, Drake's son and Joshua's cousin[[,]] ran Goran, Joshua's grandfather[[,]] came (commas before and after appositives)
He saw them now and then [[looking - delete]]watching him.
That's it. Great job!
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thank you for all the helps. I do not know how 'Lyse' got changed to 'Louis' I must have hit the spell check not meaning to. ={ I think I made all the corretions so thanks so much again and for the stars I may not deserve. =} rox
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You're welcome. I was corrected early on about knocking off stars for typos & minor things. Now I only deviate from 5's if there's something really wrong with a piece :-)
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I have gotten 3s when my grammar and spelling were wrong. I don't think you should be bullied into 5s. That is wrong, it's just egos talking. You should give what you think it deserves and don't let the author make you feel bad. They need to improve, that is why we do this. I have a terrible time with my grammar and tenses, I just don't see my errors. So I got a grammar program that has helped, anyone can do that. Anyway thank you. rox
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Yup. We're all here for the eagle eyes :-)
All the best,
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PS I did think your chapter was good enough for a 5. The story moved along well and the errors were so few that they weren't a distraction. :-)
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this immensely, the reunion of Nyla and her father, and producing her son, and Goran's grandson Joshua was a marvellous moment, with Goran feeling terribly guilty fo banishing, but she points her brothers had watched over her. Hamish has been whisked off by a black dragon, but I suspect he's safe. Well done Rox, I'm so glad you've resumed writing this. Well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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I enjoyed this immensely, the reunion of Nyla and her father, and producing her son, and Goran's grandson Joshua was a marvellous moment, with Goran feeling terribly guilty fo banishing, but she points her brothers had watched over her. Hamish has been whisked off by a black dragon, but I suspect he's safe. Well done Rox, I'm so glad you've resumed writing this. Well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thanks so much Roy.
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Most welcome