Stolen- Book Chapter 1
A children's story6 total reviews
Comment from Mabaker
This entry would be very suitable for young readers. I found it well written, even if the plot was somewhat lacking. But this is chapter one, I look forward to the following chapters. Paragraph spacing was correct and the font easy to read. Good Luck.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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This entry would be very suitable for young readers. I found it well written, even if the plot was somewhat lacking. But this is chapter one, I look forward to the following chapters. Paragraph spacing was correct and the font easy to read. Good Luck.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Mabaker, for your comments, your feedback, and good luck wishes. Yes, more chapters to come!
Comment from Debbie Pope
I really like your children's novelette. To me, there is a lack of good children's books --ones with life lessons in them. Although the moral lessons are in future chapters,I can tell that they are coming. Dad and Mom have great values. I like your statement that Dad would have let them have the tree due to his generous heart. That's the lesson to teach.
How old are the girls? Somehow, I would work in their age, or at least Bailey's age. It would help to reference the way that their minds work.
Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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I really like your children's novelette. To me, there is a lack of good children's books --ones with life lessons in them. Although the moral lessons are in future chapters,I can tell that they are coming. Dad and Mom have great values. I like your statement that Dad would have let them have the tree due to his generous heart. That's the lesson to teach.
How old are the girls? Somehow, I would work in their age, or at least Bailey's age. It would help to reference the way that their minds work.
Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Debbie Pope, for your comments, your feedback, and your good luck wishes. I so appreciate it. Baily is 10 years old and Alexis is 8 years old. I'm not quite sure yet how to work their ages into the story, but this draft is the first one, so hopefully, I will figure out how to do it.
Comment from johnwilson
This is an amazing beginning to the challenge. Your combination of description, inner dialogue and real dialogue is spot on. I enjoyed the scene and felt I gleaned some knowledge about the sisters in the first chapter. Perhaps their ages would be helpful, but I know they're past believing in Santa Claus yet still young--9 and 7?
Anyway, I loved the beginning and feel this will probably win the 1st segment of the contest!!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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This is an amazing beginning to the challenge. Your combination of description, inner dialogue and real dialogue is spot on. I enjoyed the scene and felt I gleaned some knowledge about the sisters in the first chapter. Perhaps their ages would be helpful, but I know they're past believing in Santa Claus yet still young--9 and 7?
Anyway, I loved the beginning and feel this will probably win the 1st segment of the contest!!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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Thank you, johnwilson, for your six-star rating! I appreciate it so much, and so glad you enjoyed the story. I don't know if the chapter would win the first segment, but thank you for your faith in me also! Bailey is 10 years old and Alexis is 8 years old, so yes, past believing in Santa Claus, but still young. Thank you again for your six-star rating.
Comment from Ann Marie Anglin
This is a very homey, warm story. The characters are engaging, and the setting is perfect for a young person's "mystery" to solve. This is a very strong entry for the contest. Best of luck!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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This is a very homey, warm story. The characters are engaging, and the setting is perfect for a young person's "mystery" to solve. This is a very strong entry for the contest. Best of luck!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Ann Marie Anglin, for your comments, your feedback, and your good luck wishes. I'm so glad you enjoyed the first chapter.
Comment from mally mack
This was a well structured story. I appreciate that it taught a lesson in forgiveness regarding the person who took the memory tree.
I dont not prefer children's stories discussing that parents were too clever regarding Santa claus. I feel children's stories should maintain the innocence and magic and not reference parents being involved.
It is a magic kids steal from each other, we should not encourage that action I dont think. Perhaps Children's Story isn't as accurate as Teen Readers would be.
Best wishes
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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This was a well structured story. I appreciate that it taught a lesson in forgiveness regarding the person who took the memory tree.
I dont not prefer children's stories discussing that parents were too clever regarding Santa claus. I feel children's stories should maintain the innocence and magic and not reference parents being involved.
It is a magic kids steal from each other, we should not encourage that action I dont think. Perhaps Children's Story isn't as accurate as Teen Readers would be.
Best wishes
Comment Written 18-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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Thank you, mally mack, for your comments, your feedback, and your well wishes. I appreciate them so much. As my story continues, the mother isn't involved in Bailey's journey, she had a little input, but it's there because Bailey asked. The sisters didn't steal the magic from each other. They each came to a conclusion on their own, but it's backstory that doesn't propel the story forward. Again, thank you for your comments and feedback. It helps.
Comment from Dawnya
The characters are engaging and have an interesting back story. It is curious that everyone assumes that a boy/man is the culprit. Is there any evidence of this that I missed? If the tree is a memorial to her dead husband, I would have expected the mother to be much more upset.
The dialogue in the story is integrated well. The plot carries forward smoothly. The mystery is appropriate for the stated audience.
Overall, and entertaining beginning to a children's story.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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The characters are engaging and have an interesting back story. It is curious that everyone assumes that a boy/man is the culprit. Is there any evidence of this that I missed? If the tree is a memorial to her dead husband, I would have expected the mother to be much more upset.
The dialogue in the story is integrated well. The plot carries forward smoothly. The mystery is appropriate for the stated audience.
Overall, and entertaining beginning to a children's story.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Dawnya, for your comments and your feedback. I'm glad you liked the characters. They just assume the thief is a boy/man because the tree was cut down. The mother's eyes filled with tears, but she didn't cry. I worked hard on the dialogue, so thank you for the feedback on that. Again, thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
